These are two ultra-realistic Beavis and Butthead busts created by makeup effects artist Kevin Kirkpatrick. As you can see, they’re even more terrifying than in cartoon form. Definitely NOT the kind of kids you running around in your neighborhood. Actually, I don’t want ANY kids running around my neighborhood, which is why I’ve been looking to buy in a retirement community. “You just want to drive a go-cart.” A man can dream! Hit the jump for a bunch of closeups, but SPOILER: realistic acne.

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Terrifying: Ultra-Realistic Beavis & Butthead Busts

You get down from there this instance! (Instance is the new instant btw) Cockroaches : they don’t really bother me. You live with something long enough and you just kind of get used to them. Now I’m not saying I’ve gone and named them, but I can recognize a couple by sight. Look — there goes Mel! “That…was definitely a name.” Okay so maybe I did do that. Called a leaproach, the insect only infrequently scuttles like a regular roach. The rest of the time it uses two powerful hind legs with spring-loaded knees to rocket above fields of sedge grass. About 4,000 species of cockroaches are known to science, and all but the leaproach scuttle on the ground. The new study reveals the leaproach uses its legs much like grasshoppers do, and yet - ounce for ounce - the leaproach far out-jumps locusts. While a grasshopper can jump up to 20 body lengths, a leaproach can sail forward 48 body lengths. Sure fleas still win the body-length to leap-distance contest, but they’re disgusting and I don’t want to talk about them. “These are just as bad!” No, they’re not. If you think a jumping cockroach is bad, imagine a cockroach that can burrow under your skin and eat freckles. See? Not so bad now. Hit the jump for the oh shit, we’ve got a jumper!

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Jumping Cockroach Can Leap 50x Body-Length

Because you’re a commenter on the internet, I should probably already assume you’re an expert on everything and have known the giant weta of New Zealand is the world’s heaviest insect for quite some time. “It’s true, we used to catch them on family vacation.” YOU ARE A DIRTY LIAR! Anyway, this is the world’s heaviest giant weta, recently discovered on New Zealand’s Small Barrier Island. *adds to the long list of things I don’t want trying to crawl into my ass at night* A nature-lover has revealed how he spent two days tracking down a giant insect on a remote New Zealand island - and got it to eat a carrot out of his hand. Mark Moffett’s find is the world’s biggest insect in terms of weight, which at 71g [~2.5oz] is heavier than a sparrow and three times that of a mouse. The 53-year-old former park ranger discovered the giant weta up a tree and his real life Bug’s Bunny has now been declared the largest ever found. Good lord. You think Jiminy Cricket has ever had dreams of being transported to an Amazonian island where all the ladies are this big? Because in my mind he has. Plus sawed Pinochio’s nose off to give them the loving they deserve. You kinky, Jiminy! One more shot after the jump.

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Congratulations, Fatty: The World’s Heaviest Insect

This is a video of a little girl pushing a toy car full of people off a cliff and then laughing maniacally at the carnage. *wiping tear* Supervillains — they just grow up so quick, you know? It seems like only yesterday she was eating boogers. “That was this morning.” She’s nasty! Hit the jump for a bright future in evildoing.

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The Future Of Evil: Little Girl Laughs Maniacally

Cats : they’re supposed to stand on all four feet. Granted sometimes they’ll sit on three with a back one in the air and lick their genitals in front of company, but that’s because they’re terrible hosts. Dammit Archimedes — at least set out the hors d’ oeuvres first! Recently, there have been sightings of bipedal Frankenfelines , and this is another. Except this guy doesn’t actually go anywhere, he just stands there . It’s like how they teach you if you’re ever surrounded by hyenas you’re supposed to hold your hands above your head so they think you’re too tall to f*** with. What? I was raised in the bush . Just kidding, but I did work in a Lowe’s home & garden department one summer. Hit the jump for the OH HELLLLLLLL NO, YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANCE! (instance is the new instant fyi)

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Get Down From There!: Devil Cat Learns To Stand

Picture related…enough. A 50-year old Croatian man has been arrested after seeking medical help to remove a live 11-cm anti-aircraft shell from his butt after getting it stuck up there during a sex game. The deadliest sex game. You…have been hanging out with a bad crowd. After the doctors removed the 11cm long shell, it was handed over to a member of the police anti-explosives unit, the paper said. A Zagreb police spokesman confirmed the incident but would not give any details as the authorities are still investigating. If other illegal weapons are found in the man’s home, he could face criminal charges. Oh they’re gonna find some more illegal weapons alright. If you think for one second a guy who plays anti-aircraft butt bomber or whatever doesn’t sleep with the ring-pin of a live grenade around his wiener, you’re crazy as he is (but only half the sexual deviant). Croat man risks charges after explosive sex game [straitstimes] Thanks to Daniel and Samuel L., who wonder if he started with buckshot and musket balls and worked his way up or if he just went straight for the gusto.

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Man Arrested After Getting Anti-Aircraft Shell Stuck In Keister During Sex Game

This is a video of a kid’s mom refusing to buy him more Pokemon cards at Toys R Us, and the kid losing his Pokemind in the middle of the store. At first I thought it was fake because why would you be film yourself talking at the checkout of a toy store , then I realized the kid had already started his downward spiral into hysteria BEFORE the film started rolling. Now I’m not saying if I were that kid’s mother I’d have breasts I would’ve made him walk home, because that’s how you get your kids abducted. No, I would have tied a rope around his waist and made him tow the car home. That way I could keep an eye on him. *tapping head* Always thinking, this one. Hit the jump for the wrap it up public service announcement.

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Pokemon Card Freakout At Toys R Us, Kid Throws Snorlax-Sized Hissy Fit

This is a video of a surgeon peeling a grape with the Da Vinci surgical robot to raise awareness for prostate cancer and help calm patient’s nerves about the precision of the technology. Unfortunately, the doctor actually stabs the grape a couple times, which, while watching the video, I was pretending was one of my balls. That’s probably why I passed out. That and the constant snipping sound. That is definitely one sound I definitely don’t ever want to hear down there . That and chains rattling. Hit the jump and try to not think about your balls, I dare you. You will fail.

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That Looks Way Too Much Like A Ball: Peeling A Grape With The Prostate Surgical Robot

If there’s one thing I don’t want to give birth to it’s a giant spider . If there’s two it’s a giant spider and a superhero . No thank you amirite?! Ain’t no “strength of 100-men” baby tearing out of this vagina like there’s a bank robbery in progress. Unless I was so hopped up on meds I thought it was all a hallucination and I could later exploit my little freak for financial gain, in which case, yes, I would do that. This is a series of superhero embryos by an unknown artist on display at the HEY! art show in Paris. They…are wearing costumes. A little unorthodox for an embryo, I know, but I was born with a spacesuit on so I guess anything is possible. EXCEPT perpetual motion. That shit’s a no-go. Hit the jump for six more superbabies.

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Superhero Embryos: Would NOT Want To Birth

This is a video from Cornell University of two artificial intelligence systems talking to each other. They’re nonsensical and rude, even to their own kind. Plus they pronounce Cleverbot “Cleverbutt”, which gave me a serious case of the giggles. And by giggles I mean runs, because God decided to play a trick on me and make my coccyx my funny bone. *shakes fist at heaven clenching buttcheeks* Hit the jump for a solid minute of WTF.

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WTF WAS THAT?: Two Artificial Intelligence ‘Cleverbots’ Having A Rude Conversation