Did you know they make watermelon chillers? So did I, they’re called sytrofoam coolers filled with ice. But if you insist on being fancy-pants you can drop $230 on this thing. What is this thing? PREPARE TO HAVE YOUR ASS BLOWN AWAY ! (leaving your b-hole standing there confused why his cover just disappeared) Roundly it cools every as for “the cartridge” spring summer Siyuutou, according to season it warms with when OK. With outdoor furthermore showing the feature! As for the day when the summer is hot every in inserting the watermelon “the cartridge” roundly, in the sea bathing GO! Because it is cigar socket correspondence, in the car the [hi] it is to the core doing. And, in cold season as a warm warehouse warehouse large participation! If the can coffee and the tea, the meat [ma] and so on it is in you insert “the cartridge”, warm way it is possible with anytime to receive tastily. And, it can receive the new rice tastily by the fact that also the United States cools at fixed temperature. I have no idea WTF “the cartridge” is, but I want one. It sounds the lovechild of an Allspark and Arc Reactor. And with that kind of power– MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! — the world will be ours. Well technically mine, but I will make you a slave. Product Site via This Is the Watermelon Cooler You Were Looking For [wachovia] Thanks to fffffffffffffffffffffff, who cools watermelons the old fashioned way: liquid nitrogen. Ever shattered a tooth on a melon before? You will.

See the original post:
Dammit, Why Didn’t I Think Of That?: Futuristic Japanese Watermelon Coolers — On Wheels

I know all about Greek mythology because I’ve played through the entire God of War series twice, so I’m practically an expert. Sometimes the producers of Jeopardy even call me to make sure they’ve got their facts right. Having Alex Trebek’s home phone number on speed dial aside, Herpes was the Greek messenger of the gods and wore a pair of sweet-ass winged shoes . Me? I prefer flip-flops. Designed by Jeremy Scott, these ‘Wings 2.0′ will be available from the Adidas online store beginning August 10th. Which, I don’t know if you remember or not, is two days before my birthday. AND I WANT THESE SHOES. I believe I can fly I believe I can jump clear over this guy Think about it every night and day Spread my wing shoes and uh-oh — Not flying as high as I would have hoped BOOM — face-full of crotch! Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the flying shoes.

More here:
I Believe I Can Fly: Adidas Hermes Hightops

Note: MUST WATCH video is after the jump because your head’s gonna explode from the cuteness and I already hosed down the front page once today. This is a short video by Patrick Boivi entitled ‘AT-AT Day Afternoon’. It’s a one-minute documentary showing a typical day in the life of a pet AT-AT . Just watch it, you won’t regret it. And if you do regret it there’s obviously something wrong with you. My guess is an internal parasite. Your skin itches, doesn’t it? Sounds like a worm. Hit it. DO IT NOW (also available in HD).

Read more here:
Best Thing You’ll See All Day (And Possibly Week): A Day In The Life Of A Pet AT-AT

Is that an axe on your back or are you just happy to see me? Does this count as a concealed weapon if I’m wearing a Members Only jacket over it? When you’re not braining zombies you don’t want to have to carry your axe around by hand , do you? You need to keep those free for collecting gear and copping the occasional feel on a dead zombie boob, amirite? Okay put everybody who agreed on a government watch list. For you non necro-romancers, here’s a $165 axe sling. It holds your axe so your hands don’t have to. But be warned — you know what they say about idle hands, don’t you? They’re the devil’s playground. My penis’ favorite is the merry-go-round! Product Site via Best Made Axe Sling: Utility Wear For the Zombie Apocalypse [uberreview]

Continue reading here:
Functional AND Stylish: The Axe Back Sling

Note: Video is after the jump because something about Oprah sucking. For those of you who haven’t already seen, this is Zach. Zach has cerebral palsy and is bound to a wheelchair but is funnier and better attitude’d than every single person I know with fully-functional legs (plus those with peg-legs). He’s competing in Oprah’s ‘Your Own Show’ contest which grants the winner their own television show. Zach wants to do a travel one. Oh God please win. I’d push you to the end of the earth and back! Wheelchair-bound lady magnet Zach, discusses his many talents and idea for a TV show designed to inspire people who never thought they could travel. Join Zach as he globe-trots to some of the most notoriously inaccessible locations and embraces the spontaneous nature of world travel! No matter what the obstacle, he’ll face every bump in the road with a smile. Great job, Zach. I don’t really watch TV ( The Hills excluded), but I’d definitely tune in to check it out. The last travel show I watched was all about some chubby asshat traveling the globe eating the grossest things he could find. I’m talking bird brains and snake dicks. Yeah, so don’t do that. Hit it for Zach’s worthwhile 3-minute audition, and a link to the vote page.

Original post:
This Is Zach, He Better Win That Oprah Show

Seen here demonstrating how Power Wheels are made, this is the The Shadow Hawk Street Hawk: coming soon to my driveway elevator garage . Okay maybe not. But only because I could never part with the Tercel. The Street Hawk is the first vehicle with 46 inches of independent wheel travel without camber or caster compromise. The ride height or ground clearance is adjustable from zero to 44 inches while in motion. The Street Hawk has 1,100 horsepower, 1,805 foot pounds of torque and has a highway estimated 22mpg. The vehicle is all-wheel-drive with 40 inch tall, 15.5 inch wide tires and 22 inch wheels. The air suspended seats are hand crafter to the driver’s specific proportions. From the driver’s seat you can control the vehicles pitch, roll and overall ride height using D-pad controls beneath your fingertips. The Street Hawk is the best on-road performing Shadow Hawk. With an overall weight of 4,800 pounds, the Street Hawk can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 3.5 seconds and has a calculated top speed of 208mph . The vehicle uses an innovative actijavascript:void(0);ve suspension system that leans into corners and maintains the ideal camber and caster geometry throughout operation. Production is set at 12 units per year with the first vehicle available in late 2011. I want one. No, I NEED one. And they start at only $1.2 million. I’m gonna buy all of next year’s production! In my dreams. And speaking of my dreams: I had one last night where I was making out with a werewolf (I blame Twilight ). So yeah, what’s that mean? And, completely unrelated, any idea why my dog’s been hiding under the bed all day? Must be sick. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures.

More:
DO WANT: Street Hawk Urban Assault Vehicle

I’ve been trying to avoid posting t-shirts lately because a lot of you think t-shirt articles are lame, but then I realized I’m a man who has to follow his heart ask his mom for a ride to the mall later, and I should do whatever I want. Plus this is a f***ing dino with lasers and a battle axe . It’s very Dino-Riders. And if you’re not into that I’m not even sure you should be here in the first place. Doctors should probably smush you back up into your mom’s vagina UNTIL YOU GROW A BRAIN. Also, an extra inch or two down there certainly wouldn’t kill your girlfriend either. Plus you’d stop soaking your pubes every time you pee (you cry because it’s true). Anyway, $9 plus $2 shipping ($5 international) takes the shirt home BUT ONLY UNTIL MIDNIGHT EASTERN. After that it’s gone, but you still have two hours to convince a skank at the bar to come home with you. Tee Fury (different shirt tomorrow) Thanks to Comfort Eagle, Holy Crap! Lions!, Phloyd, Spartacus, Blaqk Panda, Vasssskk, Leeman, Xager, Quintin, JDARKHUNTER, R Fletcher, Whit, Quax, Lea C, supertt, Mr T, Patrick, Nikki, JAMES, The Awesome Sauce Wyatt and Andy, who were all sewn out of 100% polyester badassery and silkscreened with dildos on their chests awesomeness.

Read the original here:
Today Only: Battle-Dino Shirt At Tee Fury

Okay, so here’s the gameplan: you run to the bank for singles while I stuff my pants with chicken . One two three, BREAK! Geekologie’s Facebook Page Thanks to Jonathan and Julien, who don’t send tips as much as post them on Geekologie’s Facebook page. Hey I know, that tip form can be tricky.

See the article here:
So Hot: The Sexiest Thing I’ve Seen All Day

Aside from Geekologie and The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writer’s Association , Lazertits might very well be the best site to ever hit the web — and my retinas . HAPPY EYES! For centuries the female bosom has been wrongfully held in the prison of maternal duty and frat boy motor-boating. The time has come to blow the cell doors open for breasts! Howl for hooters! Terrorize for tits! Bomb for boobs! LAZERTITS looks into the past and changes the future one broad at a time. What will YOU say when your kids ask where you were during the revolution? Don’t burn your bra, BLAST IT!!! The site consists entirely of women, with, you guessed it, PEW BOOBS. Unfortunately, because of all the awesomeness the site is probably regarded as NSFW . Actually, it definitely is — I just spotted a woman with a nonfunctional laser vaj on page two. MEDIC! NSFW NSFW Lazertits NSFW NSFW Thanks to Lea C, who is a woman and thus makes my posting this entirely okay. Some would argue even noble.

Read the original here:
Arguably The Best Site On The Internet

John Hunter is a man with a dream . And while most men dream of supermodel orgies (don’t lie), John dreams of shooting shit into space with a cannon . Me too, John, me too . PSSSHOOOOOOOOW!! John Hunter wants to shoot stuff into space with a 3,600-foot gun. And he’s dead serious–he’s done the math. Making deliveries to an orbital outpost on a rocket costs $5,000 per pound, but using a space gun would cost just $250 per pound. How to Shoot Stuff into Space STEP 1: HEAT IT The gun combusts natural gas in a heat exchanger within a chamber of hydrogen gas, heating the hydrogen to 2,600?F and causing a 500 percent increase in pressure. STEP 2: LET THE HYDROGEN LOOSE Operators open the valve, and the hot, pressurized hydrogen quickly expands down the tube, pushing the payload forward. STEP 3: TO INFINITY AND BEYOND After speeding down the 3,300-foot-long barrel, the projectile shoots out of the gun at 13,000 mph. An iris at the end of the gun closes, capturing the hydrogen gas to use again. That’s all well and good, John, but the real question is this: can a human being survive the launch? And by “human being” I mean me. You think I won’t shoot myself out of your space cannon, John? Because I 100% will. Sans helmet. You really think a helmet’s gonna save you if a space cannon launch goes wrong? Because it’s not. A trampoline sure, but not a helmet. A Cannon for Shooting Supplies into Space [popsci] Thanks to Lee, who’s currently orbiting the earth from a comfy 22,236 miles out. Let me know if we need to shoot more beer.

See more here:
Where’s My Crash Helmet?: Man Proposes Shooting Supplies Into Space With A Cannon