How do you like your back scratches ? If you answered, “until you can see the bones “, then these Predator rings by Danielle Nicole Hill may be for you. A set of five will set you back $900, but you can get a single for $200 if you’re just going for the cokehead look. *braaap!* Did you hear that? That was Lady Gaga shitting her holographic eagle costume in excited anticipation. Hit the jump for two more shots and a link to the product site although why I’m even bothering is beyond me.

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Get Away From Me: Predator Nail Finger Rings

Geekologie Reader Daniel Knox-Hewson, 23, and his broski Kelvin Borbidge, 22, recently changed their names . But not to Daggerteeth Dragonslayer and Gryphondick Castlecrasher like normal people, oh no, this superduo went all out. Daniel is now Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman HeMan Batman Thrash and Kelvin is now Baron Venom Balrog Sabretooth Vader Megatron Vegeta Robotnik Magneto Bison Sephiroth Lex Luthor Skeletor Joker Grind. Why? I have no clue. But if I had to guess I’d say because they just graduated middle school and are stoked about never having to write their names on another homework assignment. Um, guys? What about the school that comes after middle school? “What’s that?” Haha, I have no clue — is there one? Daniel Changes His Name To Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman HeMan Batman Thrash [anorak] Thanks Emperor Thrash, and keep up the good — er, you just keep keepin’ on.

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Geekologie Readers’ Superhero Name Change

Note: Video disturbing — dead dancing squid. This is a short video of a very appetizing looking squid bowl that, when soy sauce is applied, begins to dance. It’s disturbing as all f***. Apparently the squid is (possibly) dead though, if that helps you sleep any better at night. Me? I’m vegetarian so I’ll sleep like a baby. “Lightly and waking up every couple hours to eat or cry?” You know it! The basic idea behind the sodium in the soy sauce causing the legs to move has been covered in the comments, but there’s still some question as to whether or not it’s officially “dead” at the time of serving. The brain is probably still in the body, but a significant part of its nervous system, the giant axon, seems to extend into the mantle, which has been cut. I’m not an expert on squids so I can’t really come to a definite conclusion about that. Oh hellllllllllllllllllllll no. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t like my dinner moving around. Lovers, yes. *poking with a stick* HONEY?! Hit the jump and be disturbed.

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The Opposite Of Okay: ‘Dancing Squid Bowl’

This is a series of baby dolls customized by eBay seller artfulbabies to look like newborn Harry Potter characters . In case you couldn’t tell because you don’t even know like a single magic spell , the burn-it-with-fire demon spawn here is Lord Voldemort . The rest of them aren’t nearly as terrifying, but still somewhat so because of just how lifelike they look. In my opinion, it should be illegal to manufacture a fake baby that look any more realistic than a Cabbage Patch Doll. And by Cabbage Patch Doll I mean a stick with a face drawn on. Have you ever even been baby doll shopping before? Those things are EXPENSIVE. *ahem* I’m looking at you, American Girl doll company! $36 for one tiny-ass outfit for my niece’s doll . I could get TWO entire Geekologie Writer outfits for that! “Damn GW — what the f*** do you wear?!” Ha, nothing but $18 bourbon, baby. Hit the jump for a bunch more in this order: another Voldemort, Dobby the House Elf, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermoine and Harry himself.

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GW Casts "Can Unsee", It Isn’t Super Effective: Terrifying Harry Potter Character Baby Dolls

This is allegedly 365 applications of makeup applied to a woman’s face over a 9-hour period. The result, which looks like a cross between Kim Kardashian and a burn victim (which would be a great combo in real life by the way) are terrifying, probably even more so to young children. Personally, I don’t like makeup. Unless we’re talking makeup sex , in which case I’m torn because I really don’t like fighting in the first place. Dammit, I’m a lover not a fighter! Just kidding, I am a ninja fighter. And a fire fighter. And, shit, since we’re all being so honest — I can also turn into a fighter jet . “Like a Transformer?” What the — no not like a got-damn Transformer! *firing missiles* Hit the jump for the gunkification in process.

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Really Terrible: What A Year’s Worth Of Makeup Looks Like Applied In A Single Day

Um, all soda cans are spray cans if you shake them first. Because tilting a can back/not poking your eyes out with a straw takes skill and dexterity that today’s youth are lacking, soda is now available in spray-cans. Think spray-cheese , but then think soda. Then think both of them together day after day and you’ll understand why I look the way I do. *BELCH* It took a team of 40 researchers and developers to come up with this new soda delivery system, which apparently dispenses a product with a texture that’s a cross between a soft drink and Reddi Wip. Yum? To activate Turbo Tango, the packaging instructs users to “Hold upright and squirt in your mouth (and nowhere else).” 40 researchers that should be awfully f***ing ashamed of themselves aside, this shit sounds pretty pukey. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for having things sprayed in my mouth, I just don’t know how I feel about this. Yes, yes I do: sticky. What?! I have bad aim! Soda follows Cheez Whiz into spray cans [dvice] Thanks to The Cook, who makes a mean cheesy-ramen. Get all hopped up on Sunny-D with me on Faceybooks and Tweeter and then we can run around in the woods behind my house and playing commando or whatever

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Shoot It In My Eyes!: Soda, Now In Spray-Cans

Note: Uncensored pictures after the jump cannot be unseen. I wasn’t going to post this because 1. I eat a lot of sushi and 2. it’s f***ing disgusting and is gonna give me nightmares FO SHO, but I’m getting the tip so much I figured I might as well. Standards: mine are incredibly low. So yeah, a shark with a single eye in the middle of its head. What’s your take, Indy? “It belongs in a freakshow museum!” According to the Pisces Fleet Sportsfishing blog, this one-eyed bull shark fetus was removed from a mother caught in Mexico’s Sea of Cortez. Apparently shark researcher Felipe Galvan Magaa is now examining this monocular specimen. I’m not sure what shark researcher Felipe Galvan Magana is going to find out, but my guess is that the X-Men’s Cyclops has a mermaid fetish and recently chartered a boat. Hit the jump for two uncensored shots that shouldn’t be viewed before, during or after eating.

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Cyclops Shark With Eye In Middle Of Face

The Sense-Roid is a mannequin fitted with sensors connected to a tactile feedback vest worn by a user. That way when you dry-hump the thing you receive the same sensations it does . Creepy as shit! The system is composed of a lay figure with tactile sensors to detect the user’s caressing motion, and a tactile jacket with vibrators and artificial muscles to reflect the caressing motion to the user. As a result, users caress themselves through our Sense-Roid. We believe that this self-caressing experience will enlighten people about the value of caressing. God, whatever happened to crossing your arms around you chest and facing a bank of lockers so everyone thinks you’re making out with someone else? I used to do that all the time in middle school. Unfortunately, in the meantime I’ve grown into a frigid-cold person and really don’t wanna hug myself anymore. Get it? Because I might cut myself on a nip . I’ve got like permanent 9’s on the Mohs hardness scale over here! *spit-polishing* Hit the jump for two very sad videos. Watch the second shorter one for a dude who is like, waaaaaaay into it.

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In Other Forever Alone News: A Tactile Vest That Allows Users To Feel Their Own Hugs

Note: Much larger version HERE in case you’re having trouble making out all of the “America’s Buttholes”. This is a U.S. map showing major U.S. cities and their most popular nicknames as calculated via geotagged tweets . They’re, uh, all pretty bad. I can see now why people think it’s cool to name their children such ridiculous shit. “You know kids named Such Ridiculous Shit?!” No, but I did know a dog once named Butt Tongue McPartycrasher. Don’t ask. … … Dammit, I thought you’d still ask. “Why Butt Tongue McPartycrasher?” No no no — it’s too late now. American City Names According To Twitter [laugingsquid] Thanks to Jason, who, I’ll never telllllllllllllll.

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American City Nicknames According To Twitter

ZOMG. Apparently police officers in Tennessee, having trapped an armed fugitive in his mobile home after a high-speed chase, were reluctant to enter the domicile themselves, and instead opted to use a gas-grenade launching robot to smoke the perp out. Only thing is, it set the whole damn double-wide on fire and dude escaped out the back . DU-DU-DU-D’OH! Will Chambliss swears a police robot burned his neighbor’s Ellis Road home to the ground weeks ago by blasting what looked like a javelin of flames into the living room … One bolt of fire dove at a spot several feet straight past the doorway, he said. Another ricocheted right, toward a corner of the room hidden from the view of his binoculars. The local police incident report suggests that this was a “Flameless Tri-Chamber” unit suitable for use indoors (the triple chambers in this design keep the hot parts of the grenade confined while letting gas escape). However the Herald Courier, based on casings found at the scene, speculates that the robot may instead have launched a Triple Chaser unit designed to blow apart into three widely scattered gas-emitter subcanisters on initiation so as to achieve faster gas coverage over a wider area outdoors. The Triple Chaser’s manufacturer states that it should not be used indoors “due to its fire-producing capability”. Pfft, you can’t really blame the police for using an outdoor grenade inside. Who the hell reads safety warning labels anyways? *jamming fork into toaster to loosen bagel* You know, last time I did this it felt like I gained superpowers. “A little tingling, then pissing yourself and collapsing onto the stove?” OMG — YOU HAVE THEM TOO?!?! Police ROBOT attacks and BURNS DOWN HOUSE [theregister] Thanks to chainbear, a different Scott than from the last tip and Martin, who all fight fire with fire. Not gonna lie, guys, I’d opt for water or a fire extinguisher first.

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Heavily Armed Police Robot Leaves Tennessee Mobile Home "A Smoking Ruin After Firing Advanced Triple-Warhead Gas Grenades"