McDonald’s restaurants (if you can even call them that) in Australia, having suffered from a recent spat of robberies (who the f*** robs a McDonald’s ? Taco Bell or GTFO), have teamed up with security firm SelectaDNA to install sprayers above its doors that will douse robbers with an invisible mist of DNA . Why? To make them glow under blacklight for police identification. Wait, WHAT? The newly introduced DNA will then seep harmlessly into his or her skin for two weeks (and clothes for six months) allowing the police to reveal the culprit using UV light. The spray is both invisible and odorless, but even if the hapless highwayman notices the deoxyribonucleic acid rain cloud, SelectaDNA assures that its chemical concoction is “virtually impossible to remove.” Making matters worse for the offender is that each DNA sequence is unique to the location to which it was installed, meaning a successful forensic identification is 100% admissible in court. Basically, if you get caught in this stuff, you’re screwed. No word if the DNA will cause you to mutate into a supervillain, but brobro in the picture there does look kinda like a Star Wars character, so that’s something. Not something I’d be willing to rob a McDonald’s to achieve, but I’m also smart enough to only rob Burger Kings. *putting on cardboard crown* NOW LEAD ME TO THE ROYAL TREASURE ROOM. Australian McDonald’s Now Spraying Thieves With DNA [escapistmagazine] Thanks to Sore_Dong, who may or may yes have permanently injured his unit. Smooth move buddy — your DNA spraying days are OVER.

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Rob An Australian McDonald’s, Get Hosed With DNA

This is a screenshot from French clothing retailer La Redoute’s website advertising kid’s t-shirts. Aaaaaaaaaand they used a product shot with a dude’s wiener in it. I even found a closeup HERE because I know you’re a pervert! The image, which appeared for several hours on its website today, showed a group of four children running on the sand. But, in the background, a naked man can clearly be seen wading behind them up the sea-shore. Web users spotted the ‘faux pas’, which has since been taken down, and immediately took to Twitter to poke fun at the clothing company. Admittedly, I don’t really think it’s that big a deal. I mean, Europeans are WAY COOLER with nakedness than we are here in the United States of Embarrassment. Especially France. I just assumed naked wieners were a fact of life over there. “You’re going to vacation there, aren’t you?” I dunno, what’s my ticket say? “One-way.” *wink* Hit the jump for a video zoom-in of the man’s dongle in case you just can’t get enough.

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Woopsie Doopsie: Naked Man In Kid’s Fashion Ad

‘Find His P0rn’ is a website you can visit on your boyfriend/husband/roommate/son’s computer that will, wait for it — FIND HIS P0RN . That way you can confront him about whatever disturbing fetish videos you found and have the awkwardest conversation of your sure-to-be-short-lived relationship. I can see it now: Girlfriend : I found your p0rn stash, Michael! You must really like cheerleaders, huh? Boyfriend : You were snooping around on my computer? Girlfriend : No, I paid $20 for an app to do it for me! Boyfriend : I hope you get a lifetime subscription, because we’re through. Girlfriend : That’s not what this is about! Boyfriend : *downloading Chesty Cheerleader Tryouts 4* Official Site Thanks to Carrie, who claims her man doesn’t have time to watch p0rn because she’s a nympho. Literally — she said that!

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We’re Breaking Up: ‘Find His P0rn’, A P0rn Finding App

Crusty drawls, yo. $32 Calorie Shapers are resin-coated biker-shorts/sparkle- panties that are stiffer than regular boxer-briefs and, when walked in 1.5-hours a day per week, can burn enough additional calories to offset 16-ounces of beer . WELL WOOPTIE-F***IN’-DO-DA. I’d rather just convince myself I never drank that beer. Besides, who in their right mind wants to walk around IN A PAIR OF HARD UNDERWEAR? Aaaaaaaah, my nuts are saying silk but my belly’s saying STIFF ABRASIVE POLYMER AND ENOUGH FRICTION TO START A FIRE. “Just go commando and I’ll swing the calories away.” Smart thinking, penis. Hit the jump for the WTF commercial.

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Stiff Japanese Underwear Help Burn Calories

How do you like your back scratches ? If you answered, “until you can see the bones “, then these Predator rings by Danielle Nicole Hill may be for you. A set of five will set you back $900, but you can get a single for $200 if you’re just going for the cokehead look. *braaap!* Did you hear that? That was Lady Gaga shitting her holographic eagle costume in excited anticipation. Hit the jump for two more shots and a link to the product site although why I’m even bothering is beyond me.

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Get Away From Me: Predator Nail Finger Rings

Geekologie Reader Daniel Knox-Hewson, 23, and his broski Kelvin Borbidge, 22, recently changed their names . But not to Daggerteeth Dragonslayer and Gryphondick Castlecrasher like normal people, oh no, this superduo went all out. Daniel is now Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman HeMan Batman Thrash and Kelvin is now Baron Venom Balrog Sabretooth Vader Megatron Vegeta Robotnik Magneto Bison Sephiroth Lex Luthor Skeletor Joker Grind. Why? I have no clue. But if I had to guess I’d say because they just graduated middle school and are stoked about never having to write their names on another homework assignment. Um, guys? What about the school that comes after middle school? “What’s that?” Haha, I have no clue — is there one? Daniel Changes His Name To Emperor Spiderman Gandalf Wolverine Skywalker Optimus Prime Goku Sonic Xavier Ryu Cloud Superman HeMan Batman Thrash [anorak] Thanks Emperor Thrash, and keep up the good — er, you just keep keepin’ on.

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Geekologie Readers’ Superhero Name Change

Note: Video disturbing — dead dancing squid. This is a short video of a very appetizing looking squid bowl that, when soy sauce is applied, begins to dance. It’s disturbing as all f***. Apparently the squid is (possibly) dead though, if that helps you sleep any better at night. Me? I’m vegetarian so I’ll sleep like a baby. “Lightly and waking up every couple hours to eat or cry?” You know it! The basic idea behind the sodium in the soy sauce causing the legs to move has been covered in the comments, but there’s still some question as to whether or not it’s officially “dead” at the time of serving. The brain is probably still in the body, but a significant part of its nervous system, the giant axon, seems to extend into the mantle, which has been cut. I’m not an expert on squids so I can’t really come to a definite conclusion about that. Oh hellllllllllllllllllllll no. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t like my dinner moving around. Lovers, yes. *poking with a stick* HONEY?! Hit the jump and be disturbed.

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The Opposite Of Okay: ‘Dancing Squid Bowl’

This is a series of baby dolls customized by eBay seller artfulbabies to look like newborn Harry Potter characters . In case you couldn’t tell because you don’t even know like a single magic spell , the burn-it-with-fire demon spawn here is Lord Voldemort . The rest of them aren’t nearly as terrifying, but still somewhat so because of just how lifelike they look. In my opinion, it should be illegal to manufacture a fake baby that look any more realistic than a Cabbage Patch Doll. And by Cabbage Patch Doll I mean a stick with a face drawn on. Have you ever even been baby doll shopping before? Those things are EXPENSIVE. *ahem* I’m looking at you, American Girl doll company! $36 for one tiny-ass outfit for my niece’s doll . I could get TWO entire Geekologie Writer outfits for that! “Damn GW — what the f*** do you wear?!” Ha, nothing but $18 bourbon, baby. Hit the jump for a bunch more in this order: another Voldemort, Dobby the House Elf, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermoine and Harry himself.

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GW Casts "Can Unsee", It Isn’t Super Effective: Terrifying Harry Potter Character Baby Dolls

This is allegedly 365 applications of makeup applied to a woman’s face over a 9-hour period. The result, which looks like a cross between Kim Kardashian and a burn victim (which would be a great combo in real life by the way) are terrifying, probably even more so to young children. Personally, I don’t like makeup. Unless we’re talking makeup sex , in which case I’m torn because I really don’t like fighting in the first place. Dammit, I’m a lover not a fighter! Just kidding, I am a ninja fighter. And a fire fighter. And, shit, since we’re all being so honest — I can also turn into a fighter jet . “Like a Transformer?” What the — no not like a got-damn Transformer! *firing missiles* Hit the jump for the gunkification in process.

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Really Terrible: What A Year’s Worth Of Makeup Looks Like Applied In A Single Day

Um, all soda cans are spray cans if you shake them first. Because tilting a can back/not poking your eyes out with a straw takes skill and dexterity that today’s youth are lacking, soda is now available in spray-cans. Think spray-cheese , but then think soda. Then think both of them together day after day and you’ll understand why I look the way I do. *BELCH* It took a team of 40 researchers and developers to come up with this new soda delivery system, which apparently dispenses a product with a texture that’s a cross between a soft drink and Reddi Wip. Yum? To activate Turbo Tango, the packaging instructs users to “Hold upright and squirt in your mouth (and nowhere else).” 40 researchers that should be awfully f***ing ashamed of themselves aside, this shit sounds pretty pukey. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all for having things sprayed in my mouth, I just don’t know how I feel about this. Yes, yes I do: sticky. What?! I have bad aim! Soda follows Cheez Whiz into spray cans [dvice] Thanks to The Cook, who makes a mean cheesy-ramen. Get all hopped up on Sunny-D with me on Faceybooks and Tweeter and then we can run around in the woods behind my house and playing commando or whatever

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Shoot It In My Eyes!: Soda, Now In Spray-Cans