This is the confusing video of a guy proposing to his girlfriend by holding up a series of highly questionable posters in the window of a restaurant containing memes . Things like the ‘oh crap/OMG rage face’ guy with “marriage scares the f*** outta me!!!” and the ‘f*** that’ guy (Yao Ming) saying “BITCH PLEASE, MARRIAGE IS NOT 4 ME.” What I’m getting at is this 1. romance is dead (brobro killed it) 2. the music they used for the video was the wrong choice and completely took me out of the proposal 3. what the — did you two meet on 4chan? and 5. it is literally BLOWING MY MINE (mine is the new mind FYI) she said yes. Jesus, her biological clock must be ticking like MacGyver cut the wrong wire on a bomb. Hit the jump for the maybe she just said yes for the video.

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Guy Proposes With A Series Of Iffy Meme Posters

A granny in England recently had a writing pen removed from her stomach after being there for over 25 years and doctors were amazed to find it still writes . You know, because that’s the first thing doctors do after pulling something out of somebody: see if it still works . *considers jamming lipstick up my ass for the lulz* Apparently the woman was using the pen to push down her tongue while checking out tonsils back in 1986. She stumbled while stretching to look in the mirror, and managed to swallow the pen in the process. The pen didn’t cause any discomfort, so eventually she simply forgot about it. Whoa whoa whoa — I don’t know about you, but if I swallowed a pen I wouldn’t be forgetting about it, I would be FREAKING THE F*** OUT. *dialing 911* Holy shit man, I reaaaally don’t wanna pass this thing — get me to a doctor, STAT! Pen removed from woman’s stomach still works after 25 years [dvice] Thanks to c-nasty, who once swallowed a chopstick and shit what looked like a shish-kabob. Okay you’re disgusting.

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Quality: Woman Has Pen Removed From Stomach After 25 Years, Still Writes

This is a video of some idiot trying to run over his girlfriend in a truck after she ducks into a gas station for safety. He misses her, but manages to hit the owner after plowing though the entire store . But the excitement doesn’t stop there, oh no! Captain Roadkill then gets out of the truck, leaves the store, steals another woman’s SUV that was left at the pump, and tries to make a quick getaway BEFORE CRASHING HEAD-ON INTO A BREAD TRUCK because he didn’t look both ways. F***, even Michael Bay couldn’t even make an action scene this exciting! Get it? Because he sucks. Hit the jump for the there ought to be a special place for people like this. “Like prison?” Even specialer.

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Failure At Life Drives Truck Through Gas Station Trying To Run Over Girlfriend

This is the Anliker McLaren SLR 999 Red Gold Dream. It started as a Mercedes SLR McLaren , but apparently after you do so much gaudy shit to something you get to rename it. You and I will now refer to it as the USS Boobooprise. It was created under the watchful retarded eye of Swiss entrepreneur Ueli Anliker, who clearly has no concept of class, or fear of being blinded while driving. The garish body has 25 layers of red paint with 5kg of gold dust worked into it. Each of the car’s wheels are covered in 24 carat gold as are the headlights and door sills And the car’s supercharged 5.4-litre engine has had power boosted from 640bhp to 999bhp - giving it a top speed of more than 210mph. Inside, there are jewelled indicators, a gold-trimmed interior and steering wheel and ruby-covered switchgear. In total there are more than 600 rubies within the car’s interior, which would have cost around 300,000 [~$470K] before the staggering overhaul. Mr Anliker is now selling the Mercedes with a ‘minimum’ price-tag of 7 million [~$11-million] - making it the world’s most expensive vehicle for sale on the open market. *spitting Carnation Instant Breakfast* $11-million?! WHAT THE F*** IS WRONG WITH YOU?! How anyone who’s clearly such a piss-poor decision maker has been able to make money in this world is blowing my mind right now. I mean, sure, maybe I have a pair of panties hanging from my rearview, but come on, that’s classy . “And the skull gearshift knob?” The shrunken head of an enemy. Hit the jump for a bunch more of the WTFery plus a video.

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Man Transforms Mercedes McLaren Into Giant POS

Those are people in the background. This is Titanoboa, a 50-foot long robotic snake weighing over 2,000-pounds that was modeled after the actual prehistoric snake of the same name and size . I say we kill it and turn it into cowboy boots . Or lady’s handbags — I don’t f***ing care, the important thing is that it’s killed. The final product will have a more polished-looking skin and, if all goes well, be able to move underwater. Eventually, Titanoboa will support a rider, just like its relative, the Mondo Spider, which was built by the same group. Brinson says Titanoboa is supposed to strike terror in people’s hearts by forcing them to contemplate historical climate change. Of cooooooourse — climate change . It was so easy to connect those dots. Giant robotic snake, climate change — like two peas in a pod in an alternate universe where that actually makes any sense. “Don’t you get it? The original Titanoboa was extincted by climate change.” YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT! “Well it’s true.” Oh right, and you just expect me to believe some internet commenter? You said I eat penises in my last article! Hit the jump for a video of Roboconda in action.

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Not Cool: Titanoboa, A 50-Foot, 1-Ton Robotic Snake

This is a chunk of pork that’s been pressed into the shape of Babe and sold as a ‘Mini Piglet’. Presumably to remind you you’re eating more than just ground-up assholes. Pork Molded into a Piglet Is Disgusting and/or Awesome [gizmodo] Thanks to Barry, who has a hard time eating things that are staring back at him. Really? *drawing eyes on ice cream sandwich* …You gonna finish that?

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Thanksgivingless: Pork Pressed Into Shape Of Piglets

This is a conceptual chalkboard eraser that sucks in the dust from the board and makes new pieces of chalk with it. No clue how much dust it takes to actually create a fresh stick , but my guess is at least twice what it’d collect in a lifetime. As you erase the board, the Chalkeeper has a tiny vacuum motor that sucks up all of the dust and stores it inside the handle. That by itself would be a big improvement over the usual chalky mess, but this concept goes one step further by combining the chalk dust with heat and water to mold new chalk sticks. This is actually a pretty genius idea if you think about it because 1. chalk is cheap as f*** 2. I can’t remember the last time I even saw a chalk board and 3. the third world nations that actually still use chalkboards clearly have a budget for chalk-recycling erasers. Million dollar ideas, people. This eraser magically turns chalk dust into new chalk sticks [dvice] Thanks to The Professor, who still uses a chalkboard when he teachers because he likes the sound it makes when he’s writing. You’re sick.

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Board Eraser Turns Chalk Dust Into New Chalk

Seen here clearly demonstrating he knows how to cup some damn balls, Skinny McRipped demonstrates an exercise with the Free Flexor, a new piece of questionable exercise equipment consisting of a shaft and two weighted balls that, just like the Shake Weight , eerily simulates the act of masturbating and should never be performed in front of another human being, including yourself in the mirror. Or pets. They will never respect you. Hit the jump for the you’re not fooling anyone commercial.

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I’d Rather Be Scrawny: The Free Flexor Picks Up Where Shake Weight Left Off (Near-Blind)

Nerds vs Geeks poster: ” Nerds are into Star Trek , geeks are into Star Wars !” Anybody who sees it: “WTF?! Whoever made this doesn’t know shit about shit.” Geeks vs. Nerds: The Anatomy [bitrebels] Thanks to Shannon, who agrees not knowing anything about anything has never stopped somebody from pretending to be an expert on the subject anyway. I know, I’m living proof.

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Nerds Vs. Geeks, Some Kinda Iffy Infographic

NOTE: No, I didn’t paint the eyebrows and mouth on in Photoshop, the creepy little f***er actually looks like that. Aberystwyth University (which, based on the name, probably teaches witchcraft) computer science professor James Law (hey — you’re not above it, bro!) has nominated iCub , the creepy robotic child , to be one of the torchbearers in the 2012 Olympic Games in London . *dousing iCub in gasoline and kicking down a hill* Per weak-ass justification: Law has suggested that the iCub robot, which is designed to learn from the world like a human toddler, should be given a chance to take part in the event as a tribute to legendary computer scientist Alan Turing . “2012 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, the founder of computer science and a figurehead for the code breaking efforts of WWII,” he said. “A robot torch bearer would be a fitting tribute to Alan Turing, and an inspiration to future generations of scientists and engineers.” Right, because what better way to celebrate physical human achievement than letting a robot participate? THAT MAKES ZERO F***ING SENSE. Listen — I’m all for celebrating Alan Turing, but the Olympics ARE NOT THE PLACE. No, the Olympics are a place for betting on sporting events you only get the opportunity to once every four years . You know, traditions and shit. Robot nominated to carry Olympic flame [newscientist] Thanks to Kane, who gets accosted in the street a lot and accused of killing Abel. No not Cain dammit — Kane, K-A-N-E.

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Over My Dead Body: Robot Child Nominated To Carry The Olympic Torch In 2012 Games