Black Astrum is a London based company that’ll make you $1,500 apiece business cards inlaid with diamonds and gold. Except not really because you have to be INVITED to have the cards made. OH WHAT, MY MONEY ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU?! Sufian Khawaja, Black Astrum’s concept director says, “We’ve had several enquiries from American celebrities and international businessmen, however our cards are offered by invitation only, reflecting our desire to serve only the most premier individuals”. The cards were originally created as a one-off project for a wealthy Middle Eastern family. Since its exclusively customized to a client’s specifications, the cost of making varies. However, the company states that the average selling price per card is about the 1000 ($1,500), and it is sold in sets of 25, 50 and 100 cards. Yeaaaaaaah , if you’re the kind of person that can drop $150,000 on 100 business cards, do you really NEED business cards? Because if I had that kind of money I’d greet everyone I met with an uppercut. F*** you, I’m rich! Product Site (you’re too poor to click, don’t even bother) via World’s most expensive business card is diamond studded and costs $1500 a pop [luxurylaunches] Thanks to Erin, who agrees if there’s one person who deserves $1,500 business cards, it’s me. I know, right? Maybe the mailman put my invitation in the wrong apartment box.

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You’re Out Of Your Mind: $1,500 Business Cards

This is the confusing video of a guy proposing to his girlfriend by holding up a series of highly questionable posters in the window of a restaurant containing memes . Things like the ‘oh crap/OMG rage face’ guy with “marriage scares the f*** outta me!!!” and the ‘f*** that’ guy (Yao Ming) saying “BITCH PLEASE, MARRIAGE IS NOT 4 ME.” What I’m getting at is this 1. romance is dead (brobro killed it) 2. the music they used for the video was the wrong choice and completely took me out of the proposal 3. what the — did you two meet on 4chan? and 5. it is literally BLOWING MY MINE (mine is the new mind FYI) she said yes. Jesus, her biological clock must be ticking like MacGyver cut the wrong wire on a bomb. Hit the jump for the maybe she just said yes for the video.

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Guy Proposes With A Series Of Iffy Meme Posters

A granny in England recently had a writing pen removed from her stomach after being there for over 25 years and doctors were amazed to find it still writes . You know, because that’s the first thing doctors do after pulling something out of somebody: see if it still works . *considers jamming lipstick up my ass for the lulz* Apparently the woman was using the pen to push down her tongue while checking out tonsils back in 1986. She stumbled while stretching to look in the mirror, and managed to swallow the pen in the process. The pen didn’t cause any discomfort, so eventually she simply forgot about it. Whoa whoa whoa — I don’t know about you, but if I swallowed a pen I wouldn’t be forgetting about it, I would be FREAKING THE F*** OUT. *dialing 911* Holy shit man, I reaaaally don’t wanna pass this thing — get me to a doctor, STAT! Pen removed from woman’s stomach still works after 25 years [dvice] Thanks to c-nasty, who once swallowed a chopstick and shit what looked like a shish-kabob. Okay you’re disgusting.

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Quality: Woman Has Pen Removed From Stomach After 25 Years, Still Writes

This is a video of some idiot trying to run over his girlfriend in a truck after she ducks into a gas station for safety. He misses her, but manages to hit the owner after plowing though the entire store . But the excitement doesn’t stop there, oh no! Captain Roadkill then gets out of the truck, leaves the store, steals another woman’s SUV that was left at the pump, and tries to make a quick getaway BEFORE CRASHING HEAD-ON INTO A BREAD TRUCK because he didn’t look both ways. F***, even Michael Bay couldn’t even make an action scene this exciting! Get it? Because he sucks. Hit the jump for the there ought to be a special place for people like this. “Like prison?” Even specialer.

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Failure At Life Drives Truck Through Gas Station Trying To Run Over Girlfriend

Snakes on a plane? Because the worst f***ing ideas are usually the ones to see the light of day (see: nine out of ten recent movies ), low-cost/comfort/convenience airline Ryanair is not only considering removing the bathrooms from its planes for extra seating, but offering hardcore p0rn straight to handheld devices. “Pfft — just give me a Wi-Fi connection and I’ll show you the worst!” You know, it’s scary to me how quickly you thought of that. Obviously, since TV screens in the backs of seats would be a nice perk, you won’t find them anywhere on Ryanair planes. So where’s the porn go? On handheld devices, which seems a little counter-productive. The idea is that you’d log in to some sort of Ryanair app, which would offer you a tasteful selection of games, movies, gambling, or hardcore pornography. As Ryanair CEO Michael O’Leary puts it, “Hotels around the world have it, so why wouldn’t we?” No, there are plenty of reasons why you shouldn’t have it, Michael. For starters, there are the children to consider. For enders, there’s the fat guy sitting next to me WHO’S MASTURBATING WHILE OUR THIGHS ARE TOUCHING. A friend told me that makes me gay, Michael. Ryanair to get slightly less terrible thanks to in-flight porn [dvice] Thanks to Logan, who agrees anyone with a visible boner during a flight should be considered a terrorist and dealt with accordingly.

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1-Man Mile High Club: Airline To Offer In-Flight P0rn

“Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” 30-year old Rickie La-Douche La-Touche suffocated his wife with a pillow after she destroyed the Star Wars toy collection he’d been collecting since childhood. He’s been sentenced to life and will undoubtedly get his ass turned out by a gang of Sith. [He] told a court that his Thai wife Pornpilai Srisroy, 28, had damaged his precious Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker memorabilia. He later suffocated her during a row and then ran sobbing to his mother who lived nearby. La-Touche later told police his wife had smashed up his Star Wars collection as part of a campaign to “make his life hell”. He also claimed he “flipped” when she threatened to leave him to go back to Thailand. Not gonna lie, Rickie, that was NOT the way of a Jedi. That was a very Vader thing of you to do. Except for the running to your mom’s house crying part, that…I don’t even know what that was. *banging gavel* Ready my sail barge — we’re heading to the sarlacc pit. Star Wars fan killed his wife after ’she smashed his toy collection’ [mirror] (with a picture of his wife) via Convicted Star Wars Fan of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Mark, who has never killed anybody over a toy collection but did slip rat poison in a roommate’s cereal for flushing a toilet while he was in the shower. That — that’s okay.

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Guy Kills Wife After Smashing Star Wars Toys

Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus , a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal* The virus, first reported by Wired magazine’s defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots’ every keystroke as they carry out their missions. “Military network security specialists aren’t sure whether the virus and its so-called ‘keylogger’ payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks,” the article says. “The specialists don’t know exactly how far the virus has spread.” Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: “Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas.” “Meh, they got a virus — no biggie.” NO BIGGIE?! That’s like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch . Don’t forget to pack them, parents — it’s the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn’t make them breakfast either. Combat drones’ computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes] Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I’d serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates’ Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG — CLASSIC!

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This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

This is a video of channel 5 meteorologist Stormy McDipshit reporting on Hurricane Irene covered in “sea foam”, which, according to some reports, was at least partially raw sewage from nearby leaks. Per Pukey Suddenlyill himself: Excuse me, it’s HA — it’s in my face as well. As you can imagine, it uh, it doesn’t taste great. I’ve been told by my station, I don’t know what it is, but uh, it has sort of a sandy consistency to it…I can tell you first hand it doesn’t smell great. That’s just nasty. There’s a lot of things I would do for money, but standing in shitfoam isn’t one of them. I’m kidding, of course I would — the price would just have to be right. Do I hear $20? For another $10 I’ll use some to give myself a Colonel Sanders beard and mustache. Hit the jump for the nasty.

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Reporter Reports Hurricane (Come On) Irene Covered In Sea Foam/Raw Sewage

This is an art piece (and I use the term “art” as loose as the lips that sink ships) entitled ‘5 Million Dollars 1 Terabyte’ that consists of, you guessed it! — $5 million worth of illegally downloaded files on a 1-terrabyte hard drive . Wow, if art isn’t dead now, it at least has some bad sectors . HIYO — shitty disk drive humor! Accompanying the $5 million piece of evidence art is a PDF file that lists all the illegally obtained software that’s been stuffed into the hard drive, complete with shortened (TinyURL) links. A sample of what’s on there includes $3 million worth of fiction books from 2003 to 2011, a science textbook collection worth half a million dollars, 124GB of copyrighted music, fonts, Adobe software, various game system ROMs, and more. The hyperlinks mostly reference pages on The Pirate Bay and MegaUploads, with a few other torrent sites littering the list. Pfft — $3 million in fiction novels and another half mill in science textbooks? That is some of the saddest pirating I’ve ever heard of. Right up there with the crew that buried their treasure in a playground sandbox. Even I probably have at least a $1-million piece of “art”, except it’s actually filled with good stuff . Get it?! IT’S CALLED MY OLD LAPTOP. Totally a Picasso. Lots of imagery going on. Hit the jump for a couple more shots if you’re struggling with the idea of an external hard drive on a pedestal.

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‘$5M 1 Terabyte’ Art Piece Just A Hard Drive Packed With $5M Of Illegal Downloads

A video-game addicted lawyer, so hooked he couldn’t even manage to call clients back, was recently suspended from lawyering for three years while he struggles to not be such a f***ing failure at life. Mathew Eshelman, 43, retreated into the world of video games to fight job stress and problems at home, a state disciplinary panel concluded. “When attempting to conduct his own law practice, he sought refuge from his problems by playing video and computer games with an even greater intensity. He described himself as `addicted’ to the games,” lawyer Howell K. Rosenberg wrote in the 89-page report. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court Disciplinary Board’s report detailed 17 cases that Eshelman mishandled. They mostly involved bankruptcy, divorce and debt collection cases. He missed deadlines, lost track of client funds and once knowingly lied in a divorce filing , all while ignoring calls from increasingly angry clients. WOW. That is like, the LAST guy I would ever want handling my case. And that’s saying a lot because one time I tried defending myself. Baliff : GW — do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? GW : Seriously, HELP ME GOD. Prosecution : Yeaaaaaaah, let’s go ahead and throw the book at this guy. GW : *ducks* Pa. lawyer suspended, blames video-game addiction [philly] and Game-Addicted Lawyer of the Day [geeks.thedailwh.at] Thanks to Sally (from the valley?!), who’s convinced her last lawyer was addicted to Twilight and tried to blame her case on vampires. Oh that’s bad.

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Video Game Addicted Lawyer Suspended Three Years For Mishandling/Botching Cases