What you’re looking at are incredibly thin pieces of lab-grown beef. Pretty appetizing, right? “They look like scabs with little pieces of Band-Aid stuck in them.” Mmmmmmm, scabs . I just had one on my knee that was almost ready for harvest but it came off in the bed and I haven’t been able to find it. Sucks too, it was a thick one. These petri dishes contain thin strips of 100% lab-grown muscle tissue, synthesized from animal stem cells harvested from slaughterhouses. They contain no blood and no fat (hence the weird look), and are “exercised” by being stretched between a couple tabs of Velcro. By piling about 3,000 of these strips together and throwing in some synthesized fat, it’ll be possible (within the year) to create the first ever burger that didn’t come from an animal. Once that has been achieved, we can set about tweaking the meat to look and taste the way we want it to, which shouldn’t be too difficult. So, for all you meat-eaters out there: what do you find more bothersome: knowing that the meat you’re eating came from something that used to have a face… or didn’t? Because I used to know this guy at the Underground Pub in Blacksburg who told me he once infiltrated a top-secret government testing facility where they were growing human organs in human “factories” that didn’t have heads or limbs or anything like that. That shit freaked me out. Plus one time he stood in front of the dart board backwards and made us throw darts at him. $345,000 will buy you a hamburger grown in a petri dish [dvice] Thanks to beebs, who doesn’t eat anything that comes from a lab except cotton balls . Those…aren’t part of the food pyramid.

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First Lab-Grown Burger Coming Soon, $345,000

Period Panties are $12 colored skivvies for ladies to wear while they’re on their monthly emotion-fest so they don’t ruin a pair of frilly lace ones. Or something. Honestly, I don’t know anything about women and only learned last week vaginas aren’t oriented sideways like I always imagined. So yeah, I’m probably the wrong person to ask for stuff like this. For directions, sure, but I am going to send you into the worst part of town I can think of. Which, fun fact: is my neighborhood. Then I’ll follow you on my bike and beat you up and steal your hubcaps. I’MMA SELL ‘EM FOR CRACK! Hit the jump for the two other designs and a link to the product site.

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You Don’t Even Want To Know: Period Panties

Hey, I warned you. NOT UNSEEABLE usually means you don’t want to see it . Remember that time you climbed on top of the bathroom counter and bent over to peek between your legs and get a closeup of your butt in the mirror ? Well it’s just like that. Except all these have two eyes. ZA-ZA-ZA-ZING! Hit the jump for a couple more and a link to the scarring blog.

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NOT UNSEEABLE: Muppets w/ Human Eyes

Living in LA, I’m no stranger to the homeless . Like, literally — they’re my kind of people: crazy as f*** and willing to piss on anything . That said, dude you got a Dell ! I would have opted for a refrigerator box , but hey, to each their own. One time I traded a clove to a bum for a cupped handful of cognac. True story. He May Be Homeless, But At Least He Has Facebook [gizmodo] Thanks to zombiepartz, who once gave a bum $4 and told him to spend it all on booze. I do the same!

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Bookmark Geekologie!: Homeless Computing

This pulsating ‘umbilical’ iPhone charger was designed by Mio I-zawa as an experiment in just how disgusting a person can make a cell phone charger . Nice try, Mio, but a REAL disgusting charger would ooze pus and smell like an orc’s o-ring (they wipe with dead animals). Oh I’m sorry — were you eating ? Kidding, I’m not really sorry. Besides, boogers don’t count anyway. “But I have a salt-tooth!” God you’re f***ing disgusting. Hit the jump to see a short video of the charger doing it’s thing. Then, hit the person next to you to see if they’ll fight back. If they don’t, demand their wallet. If they do, good luck, my money’s on them. Hit it for the WTFery.

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Stuff It Back In!: ‘Umbilical’ Cell Phone Charger

Note: Jump probably NSFW due to fake alien-vaj. To coincide with the release of Hustler’s Avatar pr0n parody , Fleshlight is making an “alien” version of their famous male sex-toy . “Honey — I think the blue flashlight in the tool chest next to your Neytiri poster is out of batteries”. Go where no manhood has gone before past the strangely alluring double clitoris of the Alien vagina. This mesmerizing pearlescent blue Alien begs to beam you up for a close encounter of the preferred kind. The exclusive Alien texture combines the feel of three of our most popular textures to create one out-of-this-world experience. Tantalizing sinews swirl together mimicking our famous Vortex canal before breaking through to a Lotus node that finally gives way to our most intense texture, the STU. I’m not gonna lie, I felt dirty just reading that. You can buy the sadness alone for $75, or get it and the movie and — AND — two pairs of crappy 3-D glasses for $90. Which leads me to my next question: why two pairs? Hit the jump for two more NSFW shots and a link to the product page.

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It Was Only A Matter Of Time: Na’vi Fleshlight

This is a painting by artist Finch depicting Strawberry Shortcake riding a My Little Pony after killing all the Ninja Turtles . Frightening. And why is there a Rubik’s Cube stuck in Leonardo’s shoulder? Is that supposed to be some sort of social commentary? Something about puzzle toys being the Achilles’ Shoulder of modern society? I’M NOT GRASPING AT STRAWS YOU’RE GRASPING AT STRAWS. I want a bendy one. I drink your milkshake! I drink it up! Picture [slightlywarped] Thanks to Neill, who’s only solace is knowing the turtles are all attending that great pizza party in the sky.

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Strawberry Shortcake Riding A My Little Pony After Killing The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Remember artist Andrew Zubko’s rendition of ‘ Batman Stabbing A Shark With A Lightsaber ‘? I know, it belongs in a museum! Well Andrew was asked to create a cover for The Portland Mercury using reader submitted elements , and this is the result: ‘An Arguably Pregnant Betty White In Slave Leia Costume And Cape With A Flaming Chainsaw Riding a John Ritter Centaur Through The Apocalypse ‘. I don’t know about you, but this thing’s got me so worked up I’m considering a cold shower. Don’t get me wrong, I’d prefer a warm one, but I broke the hot knob off playing with it like a nipple . F***ing Hulk-tweaked it right off in my hand. What You Hath Wrought: This Week’s Mercury Cover, Featuring Betty White, John Ritter, and a Flaming Chainsaw. [portlandmercury] and Epic Nerd Art: Betty White, Weilding Flaming Chainsaw, Riding Centaur John Ritter…In A Cape [nerdbastards] Thanks to Misty and Zach, who both agree the picture could use a little more dino-erotica.

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This: From The Same Man Who Brought Us Batman Stabbing A Shark With A Lightsaber

Remember when Pluto was a planet? Me neither, I drink too much. And, I don’t know if we can really trust anything NASA tells us anymore, but these are allegedly the most detailed images of Pluto ever taken. As you can see, we still have a long ways to go. NASA today released the most detailed set of images ever taken of the distant dwarf planet Pluto. The images taken by NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope show an icy and dark molasses-colored, mottled world that is undergoing seasonal changes in its surface color and brightness. Pluto has become significantly redder, while its illuminated northern hemisphere is getting brighter. These changes are most likely consequences of surface ices sublimating on the sunlit pole and then refreezing on the other pole as the dwarf planet heads into the next phase of its 248-year-long seasonal cycle. The dramatic change in color apparently took place in a two-year period, from 2000 to 2002. Jesus, a two-year period? Somebody rocket that dwarf planet some sanitary napkins! New Hubble Maps of Pluto Show Surface Changes [nasa] via Most Detailed View of Pluto to Date [gizmodo]

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You Silly ‘Lil Dwarf: Detailed Images Of Pluto

Whew — after an unquestionably robot-related catastrophic failure yesterday, Geekologie is back and ready to dance . Here, I’ll lead. And by lead I mean stand on your shoes while you shuffle me around the dance floor like a little girl. Okay, now make me fly like Baby at the end of ‘Dirty Dancing’. Whoa — whoa — wheeeeeeeeeee!! *CRASH* Wow, that was definitely NOT the time of my life. These are pens explaining sex. Blogging magic — I’ve still got it. Hit the jump for more, better ones (damn yeah I’m going for that extra click. DO IT!).

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I’m Learning!: Ballpoint Pens Explain Sex