Seen here with 1990’s Vanilla Ice cheesin’ it up in the background, this is a video of Batman IRL yelling at people in Toronto. I almost didn’t post it because the filmmakers said their initial intention was to make a ‘Shit Batman Says’ video and every single one of those videos sucks so f***ing hard and isn’t funny it makes me hate the entire internet and everyone on it. Thankfully, the video just turned into Batman screaming at/scaring people and then getting really frustrated when he can’t open a Slim Jim. Jesus bro, you don’t have anything in your utility belt for that? I dunno, throw it and then Batarang it in half or something, shit! *shaking head* Between that and all the yelling, it’s truly a dark day for the dark knight. Seriously, Batman — you kiss your mother with that mouth? Wait… Hit the jump for the no wonder Robin left you.

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Two-Faced: Batman IRL Is A Screamy Jerk

To be fair though, the lavatory in coach sounds pretty depressing too. For only $425 Flamingo Air of Cincinnati, Ohio will take you for an hour-long flight in the back of this terrifying little plane so you can join the mile high club by having sex with your special lady. Or another dude. Or yourself . Or a love-doll, shit — they just want their $425. The problem is that the flight takes place on Flamingo’s tiny single-engined Piper Saratoga, which doesn’t look much bigger inside than one of those commercial jet bathrooms you could have slinked into. Then consider the fact that the only thing separating you from the pilot is a thin curtain, and the whole thing doesn’t really sound particularly amorous. Flamingo say that they have taken as many as eight couples up in a single day. I just hope they sanitize the heck out of that interior between flights. While I imagine most men wouldn’t mind if the pilot could hear them playing Red Baron Barn Stormer in the back of the plane, I’m just not sure if you’d be able to convince a lady to go for it. “There’s always hookers.” Ahahahaha, of COURSE — those good ol’ Cincinnati, Ohio hookers. *watches article crash and burn in a nosedive of depressing* Hit the jump for a video news report about the service including an interview with a creepy yet loveable pilot that will definitely being trying to watch.

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The Mile High Club Never Sounded So Depressing

So Blizzard has teamed up with themed board game manufacturer USAopoly to make a World of Warcraft version of Monopoly ($40) and Starcraft version of RISK ($50) due out this summer. Because God forbid you can’t get your Warcraft fix when the power goes out. Me? I like to pretend I’m blind and try to shower. Hit the jump for the possible Warcraft game pieces and a closeup of the board. No more shots of Starcraft, sorry.

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World Of Warcraft Monopoly And Starcraft RISK

This is the ‘Super Sexy Dress’ from Greek Etsy seller LinaSpyroS (aka Lina Petrauskiene). It has a giant hole in the back to show off your buttcrack . Although, if you bent over, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out it showed a little more than that. I’M TALKING BARE BUTTHOLE , FOLKS. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to be worn commando or with underwear , but you wouldn’t catch me sitting on a city bus wearing it bare-bottomed. Get it? Because I’d be too busy struttin’ my ass down the sidewalk! *practicing sassy-walk* “…You do know you have toilet paper stuck between your buttcheeks, right?” YOU KNOW I SUCK AT WIPING I like to accessorize. Etsy Product Site via CRACK KILLS: Super Sexy Butt Cleave Dress [incrediblethings] Thanks to TAITTDV, who promised to make me a pants version so I don’t look so ridiculous wearing a dress.

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Crack Is Back!: The Buttcrack Cleavage Dress

Seen here looking exactly how I’d imagine a piece of shit internet troll would (okay, maybe a little older), Darren Burton (aka Facebook user Nimrod Severn), is confronted by a reporter about the offensive (and often racist) comments he leaves on the memorial pages of the recently deceased. Things go about how you’d expect considering Darren is a 41-YEAR OLD with nothing better to do than troll Facebook pages . Trolls, man — they’re why we can’t have nice things. They’re always hiding under their little bridge just waiting to ruin things for everybody who has to pass over them. God, how about you stop being such a nancy and crawl out from under that bridge AND SAY IT TO SOMEBODY’S FACE. “Fine, maybe I will.” Good! “I hate you and I ha…” HOOOOOOOOOOONK! *GW drives 18-wheeler straight through butthole like a mountain tunnel* Did somebody saying something? I had my trucker music up full blast. *peels out in a blaze of chrome mudflap girls* Hit the jump for the damn, just go die bro. Living to troll ain’t f***ing living.

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Reporter Tracks Down Notoriously Racist Internet Troll

They’re not universal? Somebody sent their mom to the store for a PS3 controller and she came back with an X-Box one . So what did they do? Sent her back to exchange it without even giving her a decent lie to cover the mistake. Now it’s here on the internet for everyone to make fun of. God, she was doing you a favor, you know? You DID come out of her vagina. You could have just told her to say ‘wrong color’. You oughta be ashamed of yourself. The Infinite Agony Of Tech Retail Condensed Into One Image [nerdapproved] Thanks to Wilmersama, who doesn’t give reasons for returning things, just a stink-eye.

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Sadness: X-Box Controller Won’t Connect To PS3

McDonald’s restaurants (if you can even call them that) in Australia, having suffered from a recent spat of robberies (who the f*** robs a McDonald’s ? Taco Bell or GTFO), have teamed up with security firm SelectaDNA to install sprayers above its doors that will douse robbers with an invisible mist of DNA . Why? To make them glow under blacklight for police identification. Wait, WHAT? The newly introduced DNA will then seep harmlessly into his or her skin for two weeks (and clothes for six months) allowing the police to reveal the culprit using UV light. The spray is both invisible and odorless, but even if the hapless highwayman notices the deoxyribonucleic acid rain cloud, SelectaDNA assures that its chemical concoction is “virtually impossible to remove.” Making matters worse for the offender is that each DNA sequence is unique to the location to which it was installed, meaning a successful forensic identification is 100% admissible in court. Basically, if you get caught in this stuff, you’re screwed. No word if the DNA will cause you to mutate into a supervillain, but brobro in the picture there does look kinda like a Star Wars character, so that’s something. Not something I’d be willing to rob a McDonald’s to achieve, but I’m also smart enough to only rob Burger Kings. *putting on cardboard crown* NOW LEAD ME TO THE ROYAL TREASURE ROOM. Australian McDonald’s Now Spraying Thieves With DNA [escapistmagazine] Thanks to Sore_Dong, who may or may yes have permanently injured his unit. Smooth move buddy — your DNA spraying days are OVER.

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Rob An Australian McDonald’s, Get Hosed With DNA

This is a video of Hyrulecraft, the entire world from the Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time recreated 1:1 in Minecraft . You can download the entire thing now, but its creators are currently working on setting up a server with quests, etc. to make it that much funner. I’m gonna hang out with the Gorons and make bombs! Hyrulecraft is a 1:1 scale replica of The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time, in Minecraft! With the alpha map already available as a download, the project has now entered stage 2. The HC team hopes to have a completed server ready later this year which will include a unique Minecraft MMO experience including quests, NPCs, dungeons, free build zones, guilds, and more of the classic Minecraft stuff you know and love. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? “You want to live there?” Yes! Now somebody TRON my ass in there pronto. “We don’t have that technology.” Fine — Monkey Island it is, now blast me with that laser thingy. Hit the jump for a video tour and a link to the project page with downloads.

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Hyrulecraft: Ocarina Of Time Recreated In Minecraft

Because men are constantly on the lookout for something that, if found by another human being, will forever brand them the saddest kind of pervert, somebody designed an iPad case with an integrated Fleshlight holder. For you innocent readers out there, a Fleshlight is a fake vagina. For you not so innocent readers , it’s the thing you bought in multiple colors and textures. So yeah, you watch p0rn and pretend you’re with the girl in the video or picture or whatever. Now my imagination is pretty good, but there is NO WAY my brain would ever let me pretend I was doing anything but having shameful, depressing sex with a $600 tablet and fake vagina. “I keep it real.” My brain, ladies and gentlemen. Also, remind me to never borrow my friend Dave’s iPad again. He told me it was a cupholder! NSFW Fleshlipad: The FleshLight Holder iPad Case Concept of Digital Bliss [obviouswinner] NSFW and NSFW Designer’s Site NSFW Thanks to Yoog and Jordan, who agree this is not what Steve Jobs had in mind. Like, AT ALL.

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A New Low: iPad With Integrated Fleshlight Holder

If you didn’t already catch it this weekend, this is the 2-hour director’s cut of Star Wars: Uncut , the 15-seconds-at-a-time fan sourced (each fan was responsible for making a different 15-second scene) Star Wars: A New Hope remake . Now I didn’t have time to watch the whole thing this morning , but from what I gathered a lot more scenes were shot in people’s garages than I remember from the original. Granted I can’t say I’m surprised. Get it? I’ve never seen the original! Hit the jump for two hours of Star Wars on zero budget. Bonus points if you manage to watch the whole thing at work. Suck it, the man!

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Homemade: Fan-Sourced Star Wars Reboot Finished