This is a video of Mika explaining Star Wars: A New Hope . Mika is Japanese and practices her English by watching and explaining movies. If you like this one, there’s a bunch more, including The Empire Strikes Back, Return of the Jedi , Avatar, Inception, Spiderman and The Matrix. Hands down she does a better job that I could ever do. So there’s this one gold robot that talks all the time and is annoying as shit, right? And he hangs out with this other one that looks like a trashcan from the future and I don’t know if they’re in love or what but they definitely have SOME SORT of thing going on and then there’s this chick with cinnamon roll hair and she is like totally doable looking but if you saw her now in real life you’d be all HOLY SHIT WTF HAPPENED TO HER? It looks like time has been VERY unkind. Downright mean even. Okay, so I actually did better than I thought. Hit the jump for more movie spoilers than you could wave a Rosetta Stone CD at.

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Japanese Girl Practicing English Explains Star Wars

But I wasn’t! Multi-Touch For the second time, Apple was denied a trademark for the term ‘ multi-touch ‘ by the US Patent and Trademark Office after the Appeal Board upheld the original rejection. God, move on bro — she doesn’t want you! For trademarks, “the greater the degree of descriptiveness the term has, the heavier the burden to prove it has attained secondary meaning.” The trademark attorney pointed out that the term “multitouch” has taken on generic meaning, being used by a wide variety of publications to describe the touchscreen technology on Android phones, tablets, and notebooks. Awwww, don’t cry Apple. You and I both know you were just being greedy anyways. You know what you need to do? Come up with an ever cooler term to describe your multi-touch and trademark that. Fingergangbang. Also, that wasn’t free Holler at my Paypal, son! Apple Denied Trademark for Multi-Touch [macrumors] Thanks to Mitchel and Dan, who both claim they’ve multi-touched hooters before but I suspect Dan’s only brushed up against one with an elbow by accident (it’s cool, I know him IRL).

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REJECTED: Apple’s ‘Multi-Touch’ Trademark

Alright folks, I have IN MY POSSESSION three Tokyoflash Kaidoku word-watches to give away (one white & purple, two black & blue). All you have to do to enter is leave a comment in the comments section and include a valid email address (in the email address box dummy, not in your actual comment!). ONE ENTRY PER EMAIL ADDRESS . Contest ends Tuesday, July19th at 9:00PM Pacific. Winners will be chosen via random number generator and, if I see you entered more than once with the same address, not only will you be disqualified, but I’ll send a surly man to break your legs backwards with a baseball bat . Shit, he might even steal your XBox! Craigslist hires: they’re unpredictable. Good luck (you’re gonna need it). Official Tokyoflash Product Site Geekologie Contest Rules

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FREE SWAG!: Tokyoflash Kaidoku Giveaway

OMG SOMEBODY GET THAT ROBOT A BEER BEFORE HE KILLS US ALL. I had to look up what a toque was because I thought it was when you smoke the marijuanas but that made zero sense in this context. Nope, turns out it’s a brimless hat most commonly known for being the tall white ones chefs wear . Hey, you learn something new everyday. Today I learned I don’t give a f*** what a toque is. Check out this Bender toque that was crocheted by hand by [Etsy seller] Cheewawamomma! You have to admit that Bender is one of the most likable robots on TV, given his sunny disposition. Although I’m not sure if the kid wearing the toque should be having her mind corrupted by watching Futurama yet, adults sure can enjoy it. I guess that’s why the hat is covering up her eyes and ears. Thanks but no thanks, lady, I have my own bender helmet. Get it? Because my mom makes me wear protective headgear so I don’t injure myself when I’m drunk. It used to be a lacrosse helmet, but I recently switched to a motorcycle helmet because I think it makes me look more like a fighter pilot. ROGER DODGER BOGEY BARTENDER, GW NEEDS ANOTHER SHOT, OVER. “You’re cut off.” OH COME ON — BECAUSE I PISSED MY FLIGHT-SUIT?! “Those are capris.” I’M A NAVY PILOT. Hit the jump for a crocheted Bender toilet paper cover made by the same artist.

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Crocheted Futurama Bender ‘Toque’ (Hat)

Adam didn’t name them all? Note: I don’t care if you can spot a nickel from across the street, there’s no way you can read this. Click HERE to see the whole map in it’s full-res glory and getcha learn on. This is a map showing the origin /meaning of all countries’ names. Honestly, I have no idea if it’s accurate or not because I don’t know anything about things like this. You see, I prefer to save my brain-space for more important stuff like, oh I don’t know — MARGARITAS. Which — who knew Mexico meant ‘Navel of the Moon’? Sure beats ‘Some Planet’s Butthole’! *ahem* Greenland. Origins of the names of every country [reddit] Thanks to Shenanigans, who still wants an island named after him. Me? I’m shooting for a drink. Something with a little umbrella.

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The Origin Of The Species Countries: Or, Where All Our Countries Got Their Names

Apparently Microsoft’s search engine Bing has been stealing search results from Google and Google recently ran a sting operation to prove it. DAMN — BUSTED, GATES! (Sorry, but we’re all gonna have to hop the fence). Google first smelled a rat when misspelled searches on Bing would bring up the same spelling corrected results as a Google search, even though Bing didn’t attempt to correct the misspelled search term. Then they noticed a stronger than expected correlation between the top 10 results for many searches. So they ran a sting, where they created “synthetic” searches by adding a random letter and number series to various web pages. A Bing search for that series returned no results until it was manually added to Google’s search results, at which point it would magically appear in the Bing search. Bing hasn’t actually denied Google’s claim, saying only that they use “multiple signals and approaches” to create their results. Haha, “multiple approaches”. Well obviously one is “use Google’s results”, what are the other ones? “We don’t actually have any other ones.” WELL THROW SOME GEEKOLOGIE LINKS IN THERE, SHIT! Google: Bing Is Cheating, Copying Our Search Results [searchengineland] (ultra in-depth article explaining the findings) and Google claims Bing is cheating by copying their searches [dvice] Thanks to Will C, buck and Amy, who don’t steal anything but hearts. What in the — I thought I felt dead inside!

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They Took Everything!: Google Accuses Microsoft Bing Of Stealing Search Results

Give a hoot, don’t pollute go blind, click HERE to see the entire giant-ass chart. There’s nothing more beautiful than a strong, female character. Unfortunately, in this misogynistic world in which we live there aren’t neaaaaarly enough. Now I know what you ladies are thinking, and no, Bella the vampire-babymaker doesn’t count. She’s actually the worst female character ever invented excluding all my ex-girlfriends. Who, for the record, could suck the life-blood out of a mortal man twice as fast. Mr. Nice Guy over here! Anyway, this is the flowchart of female character design. Some more info: This flowchart focuses on the one- and two-dimensional female characters we see over and over again in modern fiction. The graphic does not include every type of female character that has ever existed, but I did my best to focus on the most important tropes. Some of the listed tropes might be considered crazy-sexist, and others represent more positive stereotypes. The tropes are subjective, and they exist on a continuum of sexism. Consider Family Guy’s Lois Griffin (who falls under the category of “Perfect Wife”). Lois isn’t a particularly complex female character, and the idea of a fun-loving sexpot wife who stands by her man no matter what he does is kinda-sorta sexist, in that this character is a fantasy fetish figure tailor-made for adolescent male audiences. But as far as sitcom housewives go, I’d much prefer to watch a Lois-type character than a classic sitcom shrew like Debra from Everybody Loves Raymond . At least Lois represents a more positive (and sex-positive) stereotype. If you’re a writer and you find that one of your characters fits one of the categories on this chart, there’s no need to panic (or start yelling at me)! Two-dimensional characters are the backbone of fiction, especially fantasy fiction and most comedies. However, if you find that all or most of your main male protagonists are well-developed and all or most of your female characters are not, you should probably start worrying a little. (Chris Nolan.) When you get to the “love interests” section of this chart, be aware that it refers primarily to heterosexual relationships. It’s not that I’m trying to be heteronormative; it’s that, hey, we’re talking about modern pop culture here. How often do you see homosexual rom/coms or long-term lesbian relationships on TV or in the movies? (Porn doesn’t count.) The exception, of course, is The Wire , but then Kima and her girlfriend were obviously well-developed strong female characters who wouldn’t be found in this flowchart in the first place. Obviously , this chart in no way applies that there aren’t male stereotypes out there in the pop culture ether. There are. Obviously . But it seems like Hollywood has a significantly harder time writing non-stereotypical female characters than male ones, so I made this chart to help out. Wow lady, way to NOT lose my interest, amirite?! Just sayin’, did anybody else read all that? Because I actually did. And not just to prove that I can read long things like a grownup, but that’s probably the most words I’ve ever read that weren’t printed on the back of a cereal box. I like the ones that are just mazes! The Female Character Flowchart [overthinkingit] Thanks to Laura, who IS a strong female character. Oh yeah? *flexing abs — okay, mushing rolls together* PUNCH ME AS HARD AS YOU CAN!

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Go Womens!: The Female Character Flowchart

This is the entire script for the original Star Wars (aka “the first one”, aka “A New Hope”) colored to resemble Darth Vader’s evil (but still very handsome) visage (in a similar style to this Godfather version ). It was created by Geekologie reader David Johns, easily placing him in the top 10% of Geekologie Readers in terms of productivity . Well? Are YOU a 10%’er? SPOILER : Absolutely not — don’t even kid yourself. Note: I was going to host the better-than-desktop-background ultra high-res version but decided to let David’s server do all the heavy lifting (No need to thank me, Dave). Hit the link below to grab it. David’s Website Thanks David, now how about one made out of Geekologie articles with a picture of me bein’ all sensual seductive? I smell a 2011 calendar idea!

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Darth Vader Face Made In Star Wars Script

Note: Full resolution, non-eye-straining version HERE . Have you ever wondered what to call a specific group of something? Not me, I just call everything a group of whatever it is (i.e. “This party is a group of all wieners”). But apparently there are even more specific “collective nouns” (half of which are make-believe) for things that you can use if you’re intelligent . Me? I’m not even gonna pretend. Except I do happen to know a group of crows is called a murder. “Oh shit, tell us more, GW!” And I wish I could, but I’d have to crow-orgy your ass (I think I’m getting the hang of this!). The Stokes-Whibley Natural Index Of Supernatural Collective Nouns [wondermark] via Supernatural Collective Nouns [buzzfeed] Thanks to Mary, who knows what to call everything because she’s a word witch unless she finds the term witch derogatory in which case she’s a spelling shaman. Diction magician? Noun necromancer? SHE’S GUD WITH WERDS.

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Word Wizardry!: The Stokes-Whibley Natural Index Of Supernatural Collective Nouns

What, no “These Books Have Three-Tittied Alien Chicks Wielding Swords In Spaceships on Their Covers” section? Amazon it is. How To Sell Books [buzzfeed] Thanks to Karsten, who only buys books for their cover art. Who doesn’t?!

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Nobody Reads Anyway: How To Sell Books