This is the Toshiba Smarbo (more like Stupibo amirite?!), a robotic vacuum cleaner designed to compete against iRobot’s Roomba . Except this one costs $1,200. Call me old fashioned, but I still like pushing around a $100 vacuum . Well, I don’t like doing it, I just have to when the vomit dries and can finally be picked up. Well, technically I don’t have to, it’s just that I’m a neat freak. Jk jk — just a regular freak. This little cleaning bot has two CPUs, though we don’t know what kind, a camera, and 38 sensors that cover things like gyro, acceleration, range detection and more. According to Toshiba, the Smarbo will clean an area of 100sqm in about 90 minutes. If you are worried about electrical usage you’ll be happy to know that it costs about $0.03 (USD) for a room of that size. Roombas suck. And I’m not just saying that because I hate robots. They don’t have enough power and take forever. They can’t even suck up a paper clip. And you know how many paper clips there are in my carpet? Literally thousands. It’s getting to be a problem. Toshiba Smarbo Ready to Take on the Roomba [technabob] Thanks to Kevin, who once ate a Skittle out of a vacuum canister before. Um, Kevin? That sounds like it was in strict violation of the 5-second rule.

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Robots Running Rampant: Toshiba Develops Roomba Competitor, Prices Over $1,000

This is an art piece (and I use the term “art” as loose as the lips that sink ships) entitled ‘5 Million Dollars 1 Terabyte’ that consists of, you guessed it! — $5 million worth of illegally downloaded files on a 1-terrabyte hard drive . Wow, if art isn’t dead now, it at least has some bad sectors . HIYO — shitty disk drive humor! Accompanying the $5 million piece of evidence art is a PDF file that lists all the illegally obtained software that’s been stuffed into the hard drive, complete with shortened (TinyURL) links. A sample of what’s on there includes $3 million worth of fiction books from 2003 to 2011, a science textbook collection worth half a million dollars, 124GB of copyrighted music, fonts, Adobe software, various game system ROMs, and more. The hyperlinks mostly reference pages on The Pirate Bay and MegaUploads, with a few other torrent sites littering the list. Pfft — $3 million in fiction novels and another half mill in science textbooks? That is some of the saddest pirating I’ve ever heard of. Right up there with the crew that buried their treasure in a playground sandbox. Even I probably have at least a $1-million piece of “art”, except it’s actually filled with good stuff . Get it?! IT’S CALLED MY OLD LAPTOP. Totally a Picasso. Lots of imagery going on. Hit the jump for a couple more shots if you’re struggling with the idea of an external hard drive on a pedestal.

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‘$5M 1 Terabyte’ Art Piece Just A Hard Drive Packed With $5M Of Illegal Downloads

Because what could be safer than a base full of autonomous robots doing whatever the f*** they want, whenever the f*** they want, the Army is considering building them one. And me? Well, I’m considering strapping myself to a homemade rocket and blowing up on the launchpad. GW the human firework, everybody! The purpose would be to pile up as many operating hours as possible and resolve the “trust and confidence” issues that have prevented such systems from proliferating on battlefields, Bob Quinn, vice president of unmanned systems at QinetiQ North America said at the Association for Unmanned Vehicle Systems International conference in Washington, D.C. Currently, most battlefield ground robots are tele-operated, meaning they require someone to control the system from a stand-off distance. This method is labor intensive. Researchers have been developing software that would allow the machines to operate more freely, and take the workload off of troops. [Major General Walter R.] Davis said part of the cultural acceptance for robots will be the acknowledgment that accidents are going to happen. There could be injuries, or worse. How many such incidents can decision-makers tolerate? “They will fail to properly function at some point,” Davis said. Did you hear that? It said people will die . Well, it didn’t just come right out and say that, but that’s what it meant. The government’s like that, you know. Saying one thing but actually meaning another. That is like, the number one thing governments do. Trust me, I was a political science major. “Seriously?” No, but I did fail a paleontology course for stealing bones. A Base to Call Their Own? Army Considers Letting Robots Roam Freely [nationaldefensemagazine] Thanks to Ksurfiws, who pointed out if we give them a base it might prevent them from taking one later. That…is bad logic. ” ZIP ZAP, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US .” See?

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That’s…A Really Terrible Idea: Army Considers Building Autonomous Robots Own Base

As you may well know, I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books so I don’t know if pancakes are a staple at Hogwarts , but I kind of assume not BECAUSE PANCAKES ARE SOME MUGGLE-ASS SHIT. Real wizards and witches eat toad choads and lizard dicks or whatever. Also, since when has making pancakes been a “MAKE AND BAKE ACTIVITY”? Making pancakes isn’t a f***ing “activity”, it’s “something you do so you don’t go to work hungry”. What a waste of marketing dollars! That said, I’d kill for some Lord of the Ring brand breakfasts cereal. OMG — SOOOOOOOOO MANY RINGS! Pancake Wizard Of The Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Betsey, who knows the only truly magical breakfast is Quaker Oatmeal Dinosaur Eggs. I know, right — sometimes I do four packets at once!

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Licensing Mistakes: Harry Potter Pancakes

Seen here looking suspiciously like the lovechild of Hunter S. Thompson and Hitler, a man demonstrates his ‘DoubleGlock Machine Pistol’ (aka the ‘Doppleglock’). Whatever you do, don’t tell the gansters — they love holding them guns sideways! And not just because it makes the recoil awkward and aiming impossible, but…actually, I don’t know why they do that. Because you were gonna end up shooting a bunch of bystanders anyways? 2PAC LIVES! Hit the jump for one more shot of dude showing off his custom holster and 1/3 white mustache.

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Double The PEWsure, Double The Fun: Conjoined Twin Glocks With Scope

I didn’t know you could drive in heaven! Driving by mind . It’s a scary thought(!!!1) because most people are just texting anyways and I’m not sure how a car’s gonna interpret that kind of input. You (texting): ‘BOOTY CALL!’ Car: drive on sidewalk. Freie Universitt Berlin professor Raul Rojas and his AI research team have developed a system called the BrainDriver that uses an electroencephalography head cap to interface with the primary functions of an automobile. Users must first undergo a bit of training, after which they are unleashed to travel the streets using only brain power. Gee, what could possibly go wrong? SPOILER : “Ugh, I can’t stand other drivers. How do you morons even have licenses?! God, I WISH YOU’D ALL JUST GO CRASH INTO — oh shi-shi.” Hit the jump for an explanation of the technology and a demo of it in action.

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What Could Go Wrong?: Mind-Controlled Cars

HO IS RIGHT, ROBO-SKANK! This is a video of a HOAP-2 humanoid robot learning how to wipe a whiteboard (God, learn how to do your ass first!). Granted it does a pretty crappy(!) job, but the point is that it learned how to do it, it wasn’t just programmed. Next up: wiping the planet free of humanity. Whoa whoa whoa — NOT ON MY WATCH, DEATH-BOTS! Please? I’m trying to start a cult and could really use the street-cred. Hit the jump for a video of such an intense excitement level it can only be described as ‘watching paint dry, plus a slow-moving robot’.

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Unskilled Labor: Robot Cleans A Whiteboard

You sunk my expectations. Hasbro, in an attempt to modernize some of their most popular board games , has deciding adding stupid electronic towers is the answer. Which, fun fact: it isn’t. I’m not gonna lie Hasbro , your R&D department be strugglin’. MORE RESEARCH, LESS DUMBSHIT! After “re-inventing” Monopoly with a 10-inch electronic tower, Hasbro is giving the classic game of Battleship a similar makeover — infrared tower and all. Just like Monopoly Live, the $50 Battleship Live uses an infrared light that cloaks the board to “see” what is going on. Players still use coordinates to sink their opponent’s ships, but with a few new features. There are now spy planes that can fly around a track and “snoop” on your opponent’s ships and to confirm your attack, you cover both of the “confirm” squares on the side of the board momentarily. SPY PLANES!! What. the. f***. I don’t remember any spy planes! What I do remember is moving my ships around so my opponent couldn’t find them. Call me a cheater, electronic tower, I dare you! Remember how the Eye of Sauron fell at the end of Lord of the Rings? Well your ass is going in the garbage disposal with a fistful of forks. TING-A-LING, TATTLETALE, TING-A-LING! Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the back-of-the-closet-space-taker-upper.

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First Monopoly, Now This: Battleship Gets Stupid Electronic ‘Eye Of Sauron’ Upgrade

Watch — XD > :*I See? I did that in less than five seconds. But hey, maybe some of you folks are slow (don’t think for one second your parents haven’t thought about getting you tested!). Enter the USB keypad that instantly adds two-to-three character emoticons at the touch of a (admittedly fun-looking) button. Alternatively, TAKE THE MILLISECOND TO PUSH THE PROPER KEYS and save a port for something important like one of those little USB-humping dogs. Which — no lie, you should see my laptop right now. You’d swear the bitch is in heat! Emoticon Keypad For Folks That Feel the Need To Use Emoticons [uberreview] Thanks to Creamer, who I’ve put in my coffee after his expiration date before BECAUSE I LIKE TO LIVE DANGEROUS.

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OVERKILL EMOTICON KEYPAD Is OVERKILL

This is a fully functional Terminator hand . It can operate with both the gentle caress of a feather OR CHOKE YOU OUT UNTIL YOUR EYES ROLL BACK IN YOUR HEAD with equal dexterity. Which — $10 if you let it give you an HJ without flinching. Developed by the Institute of Robotics and Mechatronics, part of the German Aerospace Center (DLR), the fully functional anthropomorphic robot hand can withstand major collisions and even direct pounding with a hammer, baseball bat or metal pipe, making it an essential part of future indestructible humanoid robots . UGH. Really, guys? What’s the purpose of a robotic hand that’s impenetrable to hammers, baseball bats and pipes? I seriously doubt a robot is gonna run into those things on the job UNLESS THEIR JOB IS KILLING HUMANS. I’m on to you, German Aerospace Center. Or should I say “Skynet”? DUM-DUM-DUM! Hit the jump for a brief video demonstration of somebody beating the thing with a hammer and bat.

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Terminator Hands Are Real, Indestructable