So apparently Nissan is getting into the iPhone case business after inventing a paint for its vehicles back in 2008 that “self-heals” after being scratched (video demo after the jump). Because God forbid your iPhone CASE gets a f***ing scratch in it. That — that might just be the end of the world. *eye barrel-roll* Come on — you starving kids in Africa know what I’m talking about! No? Just think I’m some sort of weird, fat demon? Oh . Dubbed Scratch Shield, the polyrotaxane-based paint has been used on the company’s Murano, 370Z, X-Trail and Infiniti vehicles. When gashed, the chemical structure reacts by changing back to its original shape, thus mending the damage. Compatible with the iPhone 4 and 4S, the Scratch Shield case is constructed from ABS plastic and was developed in conjunction with the University of Tokyo and Advanced Softmaterials. In addition to its self-repairing properties, the gel-like paint offers a grippy surface instead of a slick glossy coating. Nissan plans on manufacturing and shipping the case later this year if the demand is high enough, which it undoubtedly will be. People loooooooove expensive novelty products. Ooh ooh, watch — I’ll scratch my phone case and the scratch will disappear! GOD, JUST GET A CASE FOR YOUR CASE. Hit the jump for a 30-minute time lapse of a car scratch repairing itself.

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So What If It’s Scratched?: A Self-Healing iPhone Case

Seen here looking suspiciously like dog food nuggets held together with blood (my favorite!), several of the video game themed offerings from Cap-Bar, Capcom’s soon-to-open bar in Shinjuku, Tokyo, have been revealed. The bar will feature new game demo kiosks, merchandise for sale, and booze. Some other dishes on the menu? Hold on to your palate!: - Ace Attorney pasta and rice - Monster Hunter allaculte and meat - Devil Kings salad and soup AHAHAHHAHAHAHHA! None of those have ANYTHING to do with video games except for the title. It’s like me trying to sell Geekologie sandwiches. “What about it makes it so Geekologie?” Oh you know, just the name… “Mmmm, this actually really good!” …plus I made it after going to the bathroom and not washing my hands. Just kidding! *continue eating* I did spit in it though. Hit the jump for questionable shots of the other three (although the meat does remind me of the bait you have to give the hungry Goriya in the Legend of Zelda for him to let you pass).

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Capcom Opens Capcom Themed Bar/Restaurant

Now I know what you’re wondering, “WTF SORT OF SORCERY SHITTERY IS THIS?” And I’m right there with you. As a matter of fact, we’re holding hands . No, no we’re not. But I am trying to inconspicuously touch your butt with my leg. “You’re that guy from the bus!” FUFUFUFUUUUUUUU!! *pulling wire to get off at next stop* BEHRINGER, award-winning innovator of affordable professional audio and music equipment, is excited to announce the launch of the Eurosound consumer electronics brand — concert quality sound at an amazing value. To celebrate the launch, BEHRINGER will unveil the iNuke Boom, the loudest iPod and iPhone dock you’ve ever heard at CES 2012. The $29,999.99 monster speaker system measures a whopping 8 feet wide by 4 feet tall, weighs over 700 pounds and pumps out over 10,000 Watts of power. First of all, nobody wants or needs an 8′ x 4′, 700-lb boombox. You’ll never be able to carry that on one shoulder. Secondly, why the f*** did you name the new brand Eurosound? Is there something special about the sound in Europe? Because one time I backpacked across the entire country and it sounded pretty normal to me. “Europe isn’t a country.” And I don’t own a backpack! Press Release via Get Giant Sound With Giant iNuke Boom [incrediblethings] Thanks to Princess Yumyum, who will help me build you a custom giant iPhone dock that fits your house perfectly AND FOR THE HALF THE PRICE. Jk jk, but we will steal everything that isn’t bolted down and make out in your shower (if it’s a walk-in).

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10,000-Watt iPhone Boombox Is The Size Of A Room

This is a chunk of pork that’s been pressed into the shape of Babe and sold as a ‘Mini Piglet’. Presumably to remind you you’re eating more than just ground-up assholes. Pork Molded into a Piglet Is Disgusting and/or Awesome [gizmodo] Thanks to Barry, who has a hard time eating things that are staring back at him. Really? *drawing eyes on ice cream sandwich* …You gonna finish that?

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Thanksgivingless: Pork Pressed Into Shape Of Piglets

Seen here looking suspiciously like it was made out of foam-board and an old computer monitor, a diamond and jewel dispensing ATM participates (possibly unwillingly — ATMs are hard to read sometimes) in a ribbon-cutting ceremony in India. Although, truthfully, they’re not actually ATMs, just jewelry vending machines . OLD IDEA IS OLD — 25 rings. The Gitanjali Group, which claims to be the world’s biggest integrated manufacturer of branded jewelry, opened the machine in a luxury shopping mall in the city Sunday and said that it already served a “substantial number of customers.” With prices ranging from 1,000 rupees ($20.17) to 30,000 rupees, customers can pay by cash or credit card for products ranging from gold coins etched with an image of Lakshmi, the Hindu goddess of wealth, to diamond-studded pendants in the shape of a swastika, which in India is an ancient religious symbol of unity. So I guess jewelry-dispensing ATMs ($20 to $600? That…doesn’t sound like very quality jewelry) are the new gold-dispensing ATMs . Me? I’m this year’s knowledge -dispensing ATM. Just kidding, but for a quarter I will tell you a secret. “Fine.” I don’t like olives. “That’s not a secret!” …Because I’ve eaten one that’s been between another man’s buttcheeks. College, amirite?! “Absolutely f***ing not.” Right. World’s First Diamond-Dispensing ATM Launches in India [foxnews] Thanks to Lauren, who doesn’t buy jewelry, jewelry is bought for her. Oh man, I saved up like $220 to buy a highschool girlfriend a necklace from Tiffany & Co. and then spent it on an R/C car instead and called her to break up and told her it was because I was moving out of town even though we both knew it was because her eyes were too far apart.

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Of Course: Diamond-Dispensing ATMs

This is the Toshiba Smarbo (more like Stupibo amirite?!), a robotic vacuum cleaner designed to compete against iRobot’s Roomba . Except this one costs $1,200. Call me old fashioned, but I still like pushing around a $100 vacuum . Well, I don’t like doing it, I just have to when the vomit dries and can finally be picked up. Well, technically I don’t have to, it’s just that I’m a neat freak. Jk jk — just a regular freak. This little cleaning bot has two CPUs, though we don’t know what kind, a camera, and 38 sensors that cover things like gyro, acceleration, range detection and more. According to Toshiba, the Smarbo will clean an area of 100sqm in about 90 minutes. If you are worried about electrical usage you’ll be happy to know that it costs about $0.03 (USD) for a room of that size. Roombas suck. And I’m not just saying that because I hate robots. They don’t have enough power and take forever. They can’t even suck up a paper clip. And you know how many paper clips there are in my carpet? Literally thousands. It’s getting to be a problem. Toshiba Smarbo Ready to Take on the Roomba [technabob] Thanks to Kevin, who once ate a Skittle out of a vacuum canister before. Um, Kevin? That sounds like it was in strict violation of the 5-second rule.

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Robots Running Rampant: Toshiba Develops Roomba Competitor, Prices Over $1,000

This is an art piece (and I use the term “art” as loose as the lips that sink ships) entitled ‘5 Million Dollars 1 Terabyte’ that consists of, you guessed it! — $5 million worth of illegally downloaded files on a 1-terrabyte hard drive . Wow, if art isn’t dead now, it at least has some bad sectors . HIYO — shitty disk drive humor! Accompanying the $5 million piece of evidence art is a PDF file that lists all the illegally obtained software that’s been stuffed into the hard drive, complete with shortened (TinyURL) links. A sample of what’s on there includes $3 million worth of fiction books from 2003 to 2011, a science textbook collection worth half a million dollars, 124GB of copyrighted music, fonts, Adobe software, various game system ROMs, and more. The hyperlinks mostly reference pages on The Pirate Bay and MegaUploads, with a few other torrent sites littering the list. Pfft — $3 million in fiction novels and another half mill in science textbooks? That is some of the saddest pirating I’ve ever heard of. Right up there with the crew that buried their treasure in a playground sandbox. Even I probably have at least a $1-million piece of “art”, except it’s actually filled with good stuff . Get it?! IT’S CALLED MY OLD LAPTOP. Totally a Picasso. Lots of imagery going on. Hit the jump for a couple more shots if you’re struggling with the idea of an external hard drive on a pedestal.

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‘$5M 1 Terabyte’ Art Piece Just A Hard Drive Packed With $5M Of Illegal Downloads

Because what could be safer than a base full of autonomous robots doing whatever the f*** they want, whenever the f*** they want, the Army is considering building them one. And me? Well, I’m considering strapping myself to a homemade rocket and blowing up on the launchpad. GW the human firework, everybody! The purpose would be to pile up as many operating hours as possible and resolve the “trust and confidence” issues that have prevented such systems from proliferating on battlefields, Bob Quinn, vice president of unmanned systems at QinetiQ North America said at the Association for Unmanned Vehicle Systems International conference in Washington, D.C. Currently, most battlefield ground robots are tele-operated, meaning they require someone to control the system from a stand-off distance. This method is labor intensive. Researchers have been developing software that would allow the machines to operate more freely, and take the workload off of troops. [Major General Walter R.] Davis said part of the cultural acceptance for robots will be the acknowledgment that accidents are going to happen. There could be injuries, or worse. How many such incidents can decision-makers tolerate? “They will fail to properly function at some point,” Davis said. Did you hear that? It said people will die . Well, it didn’t just come right out and say that, but that’s what it meant. The government’s like that, you know. Saying one thing but actually meaning another. That is like, the number one thing governments do. Trust me, I was a political science major. “Seriously?” No, but I did fail a paleontology course for stealing bones. A Base to Call Their Own? Army Considers Letting Robots Roam Freely [nationaldefensemagazine] Thanks to Ksurfiws, who pointed out if we give them a base it might prevent them from taking one later. That…is bad logic. ” ZIP ZAP, ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US .” See?

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That’s…A Really Terrible Idea: Army Considers Building Autonomous Robots Own Base

As you may well know, I haven’t read any of the Harry Potter books so I don’t know if pancakes are a staple at Hogwarts , but I kind of assume not BECAUSE PANCAKES ARE SOME MUGGLE-ASS SHIT. Real wizards and witches eat toad choads and lizard dicks or whatever. Also, since when has making pancakes been a “MAKE AND BAKE ACTIVITY”? Making pancakes isn’t a f***ing “activity”, it’s “something you do so you don’t go to work hungry”. What a waste of marketing dollars! That said, I’d kill for some Lord of the Ring brand breakfasts cereal. OMG — SOOOOOOOOO MANY RINGS! Pancake Wizard Of The Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Betsey, who knows the only truly magical breakfast is Quaker Oatmeal Dinosaur Eggs. I know, right — sometimes I do four packets at once!

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Licensing Mistakes: Harry Potter Pancakes

Seen here looking suspiciously like the lovechild of Hunter S. Thompson and Hitler, a man demonstrates his ‘DoubleGlock Machine Pistol’ (aka the ‘Doppleglock’). Whatever you do, don’t tell the gansters — they love holding them guns sideways! And not just because it makes the recoil awkward and aiming impossible, but…actually, I don’t know why they do that. Because you were gonna end up shooting a bunch of bystanders anyways? 2PAC LIVES! Hit the jump for one more shot of dude showing off his custom holster and 1/3 white mustache.

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Double The PEWsure, Double The Fun: Conjoined Twin Glocks With Scope