This is a video documenting the location and country responsible for all 2,053 known nuclear explosions between 1945-1998. Are you thinking what I’m thinking? If you answered, “Jesus, how are we all not dead ?” you are! You know the Ruskies were experimenting with blowing up the earth’s core and destroying the planet, right? Because I didn’t just make that up. It came to me in a dream. The same one where I had sex with a lava monster! Although the map and graphics are almost comically low-res, the minimalist presentation is so effective you can’t look away. Every explosion produces a musical chime, and every time a new nation goes nuclear, it gets a different note. We were particularly struck by the Cold War musical duel between the U.S. and U.S.S.R., as each responds to the other’s nuclear testing, resulting in a darkly impressive light show on the map. Neat idea. So neat I’ve been inspired to make a world map with the chronology of my sexual experiences from 1995-2010. Hold on to your hats, folks, you’re about to see some real fireworks! Idaho, 2004: looked at another man’s wiener while peeing. Hit it for the long-ass video (and a sped-up Youtube version), but feel free to skip around.

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Video Shows Location/Country Responsible For All Nuclear Explosions From 1948-1998

Note: Video is after the jump because I’d prefer all the shitted-pants on the second page for easier cleanup. Q : What’s cooler than an autonomous quadrocopter that can fly through windows and perch on vertical surfaces? A : Everything, including drowning. We don’t know whether we should be terrified or overjoyed. We’ve just come across a video demo from the University of Pennsylvania’s GRASP Lab that shows an autonomous quadrotor helicopter performing “precise aggressive maneuvers.” You’ve got to watch the video to see just how amazingly this thing moves, it’s 100% terrifying. And speaking of terrifying: my face in the mirror when I woke up this morning. Joking — I’M THE FAIREST BITCH THIS SIDE OF FAIRYTALE LAND. Suck it, Snow White! … … Haha, what do you mean, “after all the dwarfs”? Hit it for the aerial acrobatics.

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Autonomous Quadrocopter Can Fly Through Windows, Perch, Murder You In Your Sleep

Before a major news outlet misspelled Large Hadron Collider . Thankfully, it was the Telegraph and not a really respectable news source like Geekologie. Because boy would I have been red in the face ! No, no I wouldn’t have been. I would have worn that shit like a badge . A badge of awesome. Now collide those wieners! The Typo We’ve Been Waiting For [gizmodo] Thanks to Liz, who doesn’t even want to know what happens when two giant blimpies collide. Magic, Liz, magic.

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It Was Only A Matter Of Time….

I don’t want to ruin the premise of this little video for you but basically the infamous Star Wars word crawl from the beginning of all the movies starts falling to earth and the Enterprise has to come save us. Woops . I’m not good at keeping secrets either. Youtube Thanks to bowzee, who may or may not be Bowser’s feminine brother.

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We’re All Gonna Die!: Star Wars Vs. Star Trek

Okay so maybe the asteroid isn’t actually earth bound, but it could be. You see, nobody can agree on how serious a threat the rock poses. I say laser the shit out of it. Then laser all the little pieces. Then blast me in the eyes. If I can’t see the end of the world I don’t wanna see anything! Russia’s space agency chief said Wednesday a spacecraft may be dispatched to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of earth impact, even though U.S. scientists say such a scenario is unlikely. When the 270-meter (885-foot) asteroid was first discovered in 2004, astronomers estimated its chances of smashing into Earth in its first flyby, in 2029, at 1-in-37. Further studies have ruled out the possibility of an impact in 2029, when the asteroid is expected to come no closer than 18,300 miles (29,450 kilometers) from Earth’s surface, but they indicated a small possibility of a hit on subsequent encounters. NASA had put the chances that Apophis could hit Earth in 2036 as 1-in-45,000. In October, after researchers recalculated the asteroid’s path, the agency changed its estimate to 1-in-250,000. What is this, football? Why do the odds keep changing? Because this shit’s all fun and games until the day the asteroid’s supposed to hit and the odds drop to 1-in-0.5. Then what? We all bone till we burn up, that’s what. *high-five* Going out like the dinosaurs! Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid [yahoonews]

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Russia To Blow Up Earth-Bound Asteroid

This is a video of a bunch of different robotic hands showing how dexterous they are at bouncing balls , gripping things, throwing things, catching things and a bunch of other fun stuff robots shouldn’t be allowed to do. I mean, what is this, robot gym class? Next thing you know they’re gonna be whipping your ass with a wet towel in the locker room. WHICH IS ONLY FUN WHEN TWO GROWN MEN DO IT. Am I right guys? Love that game. Youtube Thanks to Chris and Aroinak, who once shot a bot in Reno and didn’t even stick around. Way to go guys, there could have been more.

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Robotic Arms Have Come A Long Way. A Long, Much More Deadly Way (Hold Me)

How would you like to wake up to this guy staring at you? You wouldn’t, would you? Okay, how about the guy with the phone? I give him a maybe. Anyway, some scientists (the smart ones) fear that robot intelligence is going too far and we must do something to stop them before they stop (read: kill ) us. Impressed and alarmed by advances in artificial intelligence, a group of computer scientists is debating whether there should be limits on research that might lead to loss of human control over computer-based systems that carry a growing share of society’s workload, from waging war to chatting with customers on the phone. [They] generally discounted the possibility of highly centralized superintelligences and the idea that intelligence might spring spontaneously from the Internet. But they agreed that robots that can kill autonomously are either already here or will be soon . That’s right, AUTONOMOUS KILLER ROBOTS. You remember Twiki from Buck Rogers? He was one. Bidi-bidi-bidi! Thanks to joe, Red, Daniel, Carmen, jabberw0ck, Rogue Cheddar, Retroprofile, Sarah, Princess Padme’s Masturbation Fantasy and Patrick, who all help me fight the good fight. Fight first, pizza party second.

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Scientists Fear Robots Are Getting Too Smart

Wow, they’re not even trying to make them look cute anymore. The Japanese born ROBOTOPS is a construction robot whose name is spelled in all caps because IT MEANS BUSINESS. The killing business. The four-legged, two-armed robot is actually a kind of automated mobile crane with 29 functioning joints for picking off humans, and of course the occasional piece of construction material. Using a high quality three-chip CCD camera, the robot can be operated remotely for particularly dangerous jobs. And no, I didn’t alter that quote at all. Finally, people are starting to get the picture. It’s comforting to know I’m not the only one that sees a problem here. Seriously, Japan — you know I love you (manga, sushi, worn panty vending machines), but this shit has got to stop. Because if not, well, Godzilla . Just sayin’, we share a special bond (read: intercourse). Japanese construction firm unleashes insectoid robot crane on humanity [dvice] Thanks to cougar78, Aaron and John, who know the only good robots are the little guys from Batteries Not Included . Am I right? No, that was a test and you all failed.

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No, No, No: Japanese Killer Construction Bot