In what can only be viewed as a blatant act of terrorism, Superman is renouncing his U.S. citizenship , citing ” America’s obesity problem he’s tired of being construed as an instrument of US policy.” You know what? Fine — but you better change your color scheme BECAUSE THESE COLORS DON’T RUN, CLARK… … … …KENT. CLARK KENT — THAT’S HIS REAL NAME! “Superman is a visitor from a distant planet who has long embraced American values. As a character and an icon, he embodies the best of the American Way,” DC’s co-publishers, Jim Lee and Dan DiDio said in a statement to FOX411.com. “In a short story in ACTION COMICS 900, Superman announces his intention to put a global focus on his never ending battle, but he remains, as always, committed to his adopted home and his roots as a Kansas farm boy from Smallville.” The landmark issue is certainly sparking controversy. “Besides being riddled with a blatant lack of patriotism, and respect for our country, Superman’s current creators are belittling the United States as a whole. By denouncing his citizenship, Superman becomes an eerie metaphor for the current economic and power status the country holds worldwide,” Hollywood publicist and GOP activist Angie Meyer told FOX411’s Pop Tarts column. First of all, WTF is a Pop Tarts column and can I eat it cold? Secondly, holy shit people are arguing over comic book characters . You’ll have to excuse me if I don’t get involved, it’s just that I’ve got other things to worry about. Namely, an erection lasting longer than four hours . I know the commercial says call your doctor, but what that’s just a ploy to kidnap me for biological experiments?! “Who knows — maybe you’ll wind up with a superpower…” … … …Hello, Dr. Shirling?! I’ve had a boner for 48-hours straight and I want to read minds! Superman Renounces U.S. Citizenship in Latest Action Comic [theblaze] and Superman Renounces His U.S. Citizenship in 900th Issue of Action Comics [foxnews] Thanks to Chris and Julian M., who both have dual-citizenships, and personalities . Ya’ll crazy!

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Superman Renounces His U.S. Citizenship

Looks like we’re in good company — high-five, Liberia and Myanmar! We’re miles ahead of all those other countries , amirite?! No? Kilometers behind? SONOFA. *takes 3/4″ socket off penis and chucks over cubicle wall like a grenade* “OW!! WHO THREW THIS?” Quick — look everybody, Eric’s wearing my wiener socket on his finger like a Bugle! These Are the Three Countries Who Don’t Use the Metric System [gizmodo] Thanks to Jeff, who measures everything in relation to his own body parts. What are you, five?! How tall am I in penises?

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Countries That Don’t Use The Metric System

I’d like to take this time to thank all the servicemen and women who have given their lives so that I can write without fear or censorship. And to those still serving: keep up the good work, and come home safe. Here’s to you, The Geekologie Writer

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Freedom Isn’t Free: Happy Memorial Day