In news that can only be described as bad, a group of autonomous quadrocopters at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology have successfully built a 20-foot tower out of foam blocks. *adding Switzerland to shit list* Neutral my ass! But seriously, I want you to think about this for a second: autonomous robots are building things on their own . Do you know how hard it is to build something? One year I tried to build a birdhouse but the roof caved in and killed a family of cardinals. Kidding, there was no roof because I accidentally glued it to my leg. My point is this: robots are building things and BUILDING things is much harder than DESTROYING things. You do the math . “12 x 12 = 124″ Okaaaaaaay , one more guess but this time time use your phone’s calculator. Hit the jump for some brick-laying in action.

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Autonomous Quadrocopters Build 20-Foot Tower

Because what good is science if you can’t use it to kill a whole lot of people, evil doctors have successfully genetically modified the avian flu to be much, much deadlier. *coughing* OH GOD I HAVE IT, DON’T I?! I have been peeing a lot of blood… Inside a Dutch medical facility is a potentially devastating weapon that could kill millions: A genetically modified version of the H5N1 bird flu, engineered to be easily transmitted among ferrets. And the researchers who figured out how to do it would like to share their work with the world. This is a terrifying prospect…Virologists have thought avian flu could not adapt to mammals easily because it would require drastic changes to the virus’ genetic makeup, which might make it unable to reproduce. But Fouchier says his work proves this is untrue. “I can’t think of another pathogenic organism that is as scary as this one,” [National Security Advisory Board on Biosecurity chair Paul] Keim told Science Insider. “I don’t think anthrax is scary at all compared to this.” Wonderful news, really. I mean, why SHOULDN’T scientists be trying to engineer an avian flu that’s easily transmittable to mammals? It just makes good sense. Cure cancer? Maybe later, we’re still trying to figure out how to give humans cat AIDS. Should a New Recipe for Engineered Bird Flu, Potent Enough to Kill Millions, Be Published? [popsci] Thanks to Drew, Tony, krakow and Robina, who agree scientists should be less time creating a deadlier bird flu and more time reverse-engineering dinosaurs from chickens. Amen to that!

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Evil Scientists Engineer Deadlier Version Of Bird Flu

The robot apocalypse nears, blah blah blah, if you don’t believe me already you probably never will and, quite frankly, don’t deserve to survive the uprising . I’m not saying I’m going to throw you to the robots , but I will tie your shoelaces together and club your knees so you’re the first to go. This is a video of a robot CONTROLLING A HUMAN’S ARM BY SHOCKING IT. Zip zap, you’re punching yourself. Researchers in France have given a small robot the ability to directly control a living human’s arm by running electricity through his muscles. The researchers have some story about how it’s for therapeutic purposes — a robot can use this ability to help a paralyzed human — and also that co-opting human limbs is more cost-effective than building expensive, carefully engineered robot limbs. Wow, teaching robots how to shock humans to get what they want? This is gonna end poorly. This game of Scrabble? It’s gonna end with me flipping the board screaming, “BAGODICKS ISN’T A REAL WORD AND YOU KNOW IT!” Hit the jump for the future of wiping your ass. Ooooooor stabbing yourself in the butt with an empty toilet paper roll.

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Robot Controlling Human’s Arm With Electric Impulses

Cats : they’re supposed to stand on all four feet. Granted sometimes they’ll sit on three with a back one in the air and lick their genitals in front of company, but that’s because they’re terrible hosts. Dammit Archimedes — at least set out the hors d’ oeuvres first! Recently, there have been sightings of bipedal Frankenfelines , and this is another. Except this guy doesn’t actually go anywhere, he just stands there . It’s like how they teach you if you’re ever surrounded by hyenas you’re supposed to hold your hands above your head so they think you’re too tall to f*** with. What? I was raised in the bush . Just kidding, but I did work in a Lowe’s home & garden department one summer. Hit the jump for the OH HELLLLLLLL NO, YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANCE! (instance is the new instant fyi)

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Get Down From There!: Devil Cat Learns To Stand

Seen here preventing an invisible giant’s balls from touching the floor, Honda’s ASIMO robot has undergone a series of upgrades, making him lighter, faster, and more autonomous (not to mention less likely to fall up and down stairs). Wonderful news in the middle of a site upgrade, really . LORD JUST TAKE ME NOW. Honda’s robot isn’t just smarter, it’s lighter, and as a result, faster too. Honda put Asimo on Jenny Craig and it’s now 13.2 pounds lighter and can move at 5.59 miles per hour as opposed to the 3.73 miles per hour it was getting before. The Wall Street Journal had this to say about the new Asimo: “Honda brags Asimo is capable of “responding to the movement of people and the surrounding situations…Asimo is now capable of predicting the direction a person will walk within the next few seconds based on information from pre-set space sensors and quickly determine to take an alternate path to avoid a collision with the person if the estimated locations of the person and the Asimo intersect.” There’s a video of ASIMO running around and hopping on one foot after the jump, which looks suspiciously like a child wearing a robot costume. God, we can only hope. Actually, that’s not true — we could pray too . “AND ask Santa.” What the — and risk not getting a hoverboard? You’re out of your f***ing mind! Hit the jump for a video of the are you faster than 5.59MPH?

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New And Improved ASIMO Robot Can Run, Jump

Two separate (but possibly related) groups of French thieves robbed two trucks carrying copies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 , making off with over 10,000 copies of the game valued at around 780,000 (just over $1-million). No word if they used tactics learned from previous versions of the game to perform the heists. French website Le Parisien reports that a delivery van en route to a Micromania store in Creteil and containing nearly 6,000 copies of Modern Warfare 3 was hit by a car at approximately 8 a.m. on Saturday. When the drivers of the delivery van got out of their vehicle, they were tear-gassed by two individuals wearing masks. One of the assailants hopped into the delivery truck and took off while the other followed in the car. The second incident took place in Mantes-la-Jolie later on Saturday when another Micromania delivery van was hijacked by a trio of hooded criminals who had blocked the road. The assailants used a handgun to commandeer the vehicle and get away with nearly 4,000 copies of MW3. Hmmm, sounds like somebody at Micromania was in on the heists. *eying kid behind the counter* WAS IT YOU?! *choke-slams into Uncharted 3 display* Just kidding, you look waaaaaaay too dumb for something like that. Pre-order Zelda: Skyward Sword for me? Thousands of Copies of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Stolen [gamespy] Thanks to Teema, Josh and carlo, who just pre-ordered their copies like normal people.

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French Thieves Make Off With Over $1-Million In Copies Of Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare 3

Ever wanted to see what it looks like when a shelving unit collapses in a liquor store sending almost 7,000 bottles of adult grape juice crashing to the floor? This. This is what that looks like. Although, if it’d happened anywhere near here, you also would have also seen a guy paddle by in a canoe sucking that shit up with a wet-dry vac. You think I’m too proud to drink out of a vacuum? I’ve eaten out of them before. Hit the jump for the Jesus could’ve done it better.

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7,000 Broken Wine Bottle River In Liquor Store

Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus , a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal* The virus, first reported by Wired magazine’s defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots’ every keystroke as they carry out their missions. “Military network security specialists aren’t sure whether the virus and its so-called ‘keylogger’ payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks,” the article says. “The specialists don’t know exactly how far the virus has spread.” Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: “Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas.” “Meh, they got a virus — no biggie.” NO BIGGIE?! That’s like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch . Don’t forget to pack them, parents — it’s the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn’t make them breakfast either. Combat drones’ computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes] Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I’d serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates’ Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG — CLASSIC!

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This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

Remember Boston Dynamics’ BigDog ? How could you forget, that lifelike f***er was terrifying . He still haunts my dreams at night . AND fantasies. Unthankfully, AlphaDog is now here to take his place. Did I mention he’s 10x quieter than his predecessor, can carry 400-lbs over 20-miles without stopping, and can’t even be pushed over by two grown-ass men? Because that’s all true. Plus — PLUS — he can roll himself back on his feet if he does go down . Me? I can’t even roll my dimply ass out of bed in the morning. I’m serious, it’s still lying there in cookie crumbs. Hit the jump for a short video demo, but skip to 0:50 for the really good stuff to start (attempted push-over, standing up from lying down).

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AlphaDog, BigDog’s New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won’t Save You

Mad scientists in Tel Aviv have successfully replaced a rat’s cerebellum with an electronic one, effectively moving the Doomsday clock ahead a minute and increasing humanity’s already significant fear of rodents. Good one, guys. *crushing computer mouse in desk drawer* Now Matti ["Frankenstein"] Mintz of Tel Aviv University in Israel and his colleagues have created a synthetic cerebellum which can receive sensory inputs from the brainstem - a region that acts as a conduit for neuronal information from the rest of the body. Their device can interpret these inputs, and send a signal to a different region of the brainstem that prompts motor neurons to execute the appropriate movement. Such implants could eventually be used to replace areas of brain tissue damaged by stroke and other conditions, or even to enhance healthy brain function and restore learning processes that decline with age. You know, that really got me thinking. Would you have your brain replaced with a cyborg one if it meant you could feel pleasure 24/7? And, if so, what kind of pleasure would you opt for? Because at first I was thinking I’d want something like ’sex in space’ or ‘just won the lottery’, but now I’m thinking something less extreme. Maybe ‘damn this is tasty-ass pie.’ Rat cyborg gets digital cerebellum [newscientist] and Picture

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Uh-Oh: Cyborg Brain Parts Implanted In Rats