Mmmm, secret ingredients! Pakistan-produced ‘Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge’ candy bars were recently found to contain more than twice the PPM (parts per million) of lead tolerated by the FDA. Pfft, can you ever really have too much lead? (I pop fishing weights like candy, just sayin’) The company said a recent test performed by the California Department of Public Health has indicated that a lot (#8288A) of the cherry flavor candy contained elevated levels of lead (0.24 parts per million; the U.S. FDA tolerance is 0.1 ppm). Out of an abundance of caution, according to Candy Dynamics, all lots and all flavors of the product distributed from the product’s inception in 2007 through January 2011 are part of the recall. Wait — recalling candy produced in 2007? It’s a little late for that! You can’t recall things I already ate! Except last night’s Thai, because that shit’s coming out in like twenty. Literally — and probably in the handicapped stall of the women’s restroom. Oh I’m bad. Don’t Eat the Toxic Waste Cherry Chews [foodsafetynews] Thanks to Reed, Samuel and Daniel, who don’t eat candy unless it’s toxic because they really want superpowers that bad.

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Not False Advertising: ‘Toxic Waste Nuclear Sludge’ Candy Bars Are Actually Toxic

Polluted Glasses from Fred were designed to look like little 55-gallon drums with a radiation symbol on the side. $15 nets you two 10oz’ers and they’re sure to cause quite the stir at your next party . Kidding, nobody will even notice. Just sayin’, one time I drank out of a catheter bag to get a rise out of an audience and nobody even batted a cataract-ed eye. COME ON, IS THIS AN OLD FOLKS HOME OR A FUNERAL HOME? Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week — don’t forget to tip your lunch lady. Also, I think ol’ Horace there may have had a stroke during the set but I didn’t want to interrupt my flow. Product Site via Radiation Drinkware Is Probably Understating the Toxicity of Your Beverage [gizmodo]

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ZOMG, I’m Gonna Become The Toxic Avenger!

Polluted Glasses from Fred were designed to look like little 55-gallon drums with a radiation symbol on the side. $15 nets you two 10oz’ers and they’re sure to cause quite the stir at your next party . Kidding, nobody will even notice. Just sayin’, one time I drank out of a catheter bag to get a rise out of an audience and nobody even batted a cataract-ed eye. COME ON, IS THIS AN OLD FOLKS HOME OR A FUNERAL HOME? Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week — don’t forget to tip your lunch lady. Also, I think ol’ Horace there may have had a stroke during the set but I didn’t want to interrupt my flow. Product Site via Radiation Drinkware Is Probably Understating the Toxicity of Your Beverage [gizmodo]

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ZOMG, I’m Gonna Become The Toxic Avenger!

Finally, a sport manly enough for yours truly. Sorry guys, but I’m officially retiring from lava diving and shark rodeo. Now, which one of you handsome gents wants the honor of receiving my first highly-toxic pummeling? You in the front row — scrawny guy with the eyepatch. In the wheelchair. BRING IT, I WILL DESTROY YOU! Hit the jump for a bunch more shots, moderately graphic due to blood.

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WTF Japan?: Fluorescent Tube Fighting