Bill Gates, having decided computers have run their course or whatever, has decided to focus his efforts on reinventing the toilet to aid the some 2.6 BILLION PEOPLE IN THE WORLD with no reliable source of sanitary shitter. Wow, that actually does sound pretty noble. Granted nowhere near as noble as Baron GW von Intertubes, but what does? Water hygiene and safe waste disposal are two of the biggest causes of infant mortality in the developing countries. Gates and his foundation hope to create inexpensive toilets to vastly improve the living conditions of millions of people. It may seem like a silly subject but it’s one that could save lives around the world. Today, 40% of the world’s population does not have access to flush toilets. One billion people defecate in the open. Each year, 1.5 million children die each year from diarrhea, many of which are preventable with improved sanitation. HOLY SHIT DYING FROM DIARRHEA ASIDE, they should invent one that muffles farts while they’re at it. Because let’s face it, no matter how far I manually spread my buttcheeks, they always make a sound. TRUST ME. But not the government — they’ve been lying to us about aliens. Hit the jump for a short video about the project that says doodoo in the beginning.

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Bill & Melinda Gates Fdn To Reinvent Toilet

This Japanese Emergency toilet may look like a man squatting in a trash bag in front of other people, but that’s just because that’s exactly what’s happening. But — BUT — inside that privacy bag (which should also come with a masquerade mask IMHO) is another, smaller bag containing some sort of weird absorbent pills that soak up all your urine and doodle water and turn it into some sort of disgusting, gelatinous shit monster (video after the jump!). It’s really not a very happy ending. Kind of like in the book I’m writing. SPOILER: Everyone dies. Hit the jump for a deuce-droppin’ demo.

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Pfft, If It’s A REAL Emergency You’ll Just Use Your Pants: The Japanese Emergency Toilet

This is an Admiral Ackbar toilet designed by artist Brendon Phillips (the man behind the Mega Man hoodie ). I don’t know about you, but I’d sit on it and do a crossword puzzle. Till my legs fell asleep. Then I’d try to stand and collapse on the bathroom floor, bringing a towel bar down with me. As I frantically mash the button to my Life Alert personal emergency response system and see my life flash before my eyes, I’ll wish I’d shat in Jar Jar’s mouth instead. Brendon’s deviantART Thanks to Brendon, who single-handedly manages to design all the products I’d actually want (now do a sex toy!).

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In A Bathroom Far, Far Away: Ackbar Toilet

Google toilet paper : made with 100% virgin pulp and available in Vietnam. Per a questionable translation of the text on the bag: “Very long, soft, smooth. Of high vacuum, because you always!” HIGH VACUUM, OF COURSE I ALWAYS! Dingleberry free, just sayin’. This Google’s made from 100% Virgin pulp, not chrome [engadget] Thanks to wes, who only wipes with Charmin because the dude’s a bear.

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Google: Perfect For Searching AND Wiping