Fire in your hole! This is a short video of the Vancouver riots after Boston beat them in the Stanley Cup Finals. Rioting: it’s not just for winning teams anymore. Anyway, Burntpeen Ohmyballs here takes a flashbang straight to the wiener. And he deserved it . You know, this reminds me of playing Counter-Strike back in the college dorms when every round would start with some asshat flashbanging the whole squad and then trying to team-kill as many people as possible while calling us all homos. Man, those were the good ‘ol days, weren’t they? No, they weren’t. Those were the bad ol’ days when I’d look up IP’s on my clan’s server and plan on driving to people’s houses and choking them out with a piece of ethernet cable. The doctor says I have anger management issues. I call it a strong sense of vigilante justice. Hit the jump for the double-firecrotching (he’s a ginger) in action.

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Idiot Rioter Takes Flashbang To Babymaker

Seen here getting his what will go down in history books as “ZERO SWERVE” on, a laptop thief records himself on webcam dancing to ‘Make it Rain’ (make it rain? you couldn’t even muster a drizzle — you’ll never be an Indian shaman!) IN HIS MOM’S KITCHEN. My f*** that’s gangsta. Unfortunately for Sir Spazalot here, the laptop’s rightfully owner was able to remotely access the unit, determine who the thief was, and post this video on Youtube. I was going to stage serious lulz but the police apparently cracked down right as I filed the report. EDIT: laptop recovered! EDIT 2: I bought another laptop during the time it got stolen, so I’m going to sell the old one and donate all the proceeds to Japan relief. Thanks for your support, everyone The perp, obviously disappointed some Youtube codec made his fresh moves appear stale onscreen, took the time to write the owner a Facebook message (screencap after jump) asking him to remove the video. Obviously, the owner has not. Hey — you know the Ja Rules: you do the crime, you do the time get humiliated by a half-million people on Youtube. Knock knock. “Who’s there?” A producer from ‘ So You Think You Can Dance? ‘ “REALLY?!” No asshole, it’s the amberlamps — we thought you were having a seizure. ” Damn. ” Cops are here too, something about a laptop. Hit the jump for the Facebook message and video of in action.

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Laptop Stolen, Owner Remotely Accesses Computer, Thief Gets Humiliated (That’s Him!)

These are a bunch of steampunk insects made out of old ammunition and pocket-watch parts by Tom Hardwidge. As you can see, they’re pretty good looking. Unless you hate steampunk stuff, in which case they’re probably pretty bad looking. Whatever side of the fence you yell over, they’re definitely not insects you’d want to beat with a shoe too hard. Get it? Because they might detonate! crawl in an orifice while you sleep and lay eggs. Kidding — KIDDING, only spiders do that. Sweet dreams, jerk! Hit the jump for a bunch more, and the link to even MORE.

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Brass Blasters: Steampunk Bullet Insects

Sad burglar is sad. Seen here looking like the sad idiot moron that he is, 25-year old stupid Cody Wilkins has been charged with a string of burglaries in Montgomery County, MD (MOCO FOR THE WIN — GO QO COUGARS!) after leaving his cell phone charging at a house he was robbing. Smooth, dipshit. As the burglar was rifling through the rooms in that house, the homeowner’s son arrived and startled him. The burglar jumped out a window and fled. The son called police, who searched the house. They were stunned at what was found: a cellphone, charging in an electric socket, that didn’t belong to the homeowner. The phone led police to Cody Wilkins, who is now charged in 10 burglaries. Police say that Wilkins’s home lost power in the storm and that he needed a place - anyplace, it seems - to charge his phone. In his haste to flee, he left it charging. Listen, I’m not promoting thievery of any kind, but if you’re gonna break in and steal something, it’s generally best not to bring anything that could be used to identify you. This goes for cell phones, fingerprints, passports, drivers licenses AND business cards. Or, if you live here in LA, headshots . SON OF A — I think I saw this asshat on NCIS last week! Man who left cellphone in Silver Spring house charged in 10 burglaries [washingtonpost] Thanks to ultrapony, who once robbed a house and didn’t leave anything but a toilet full of pony urine without flushing. You nasty, ultra, I bet it stunk!

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You Can’t Do Anything Right!: Idiot Moron Leaves Phone Charging At House He Robbed

“Wow, that firework sounded close!” An aspiring Russian suicide (you’ll never make pro!) bomber , believed to be operating with the same jerkoffs that blew up part of the Moscow airport earlier this week, was blown up prematurely on New Years Eve after receiving a text from her wireless provider. [Insert your own 'In Soviet Russia' joke here'] The would-be suicide bomber was planning to detonate a suicide belt bomb near Red Square, a plan that was foiled when her wireless carrier sent her an SMS while she was still at a safe house, setting off the bomb and killing her. The message reportedly wished her a Happy New Years, according to the report, which sourced the info from security forces in Russia. Cell phones are often used as makeshift detonators by terrorist and insurgent groups. Shocking — a terrorist that’s a failure at life AND death, didn’t see that one coming. Yes, yes I did. But only part of a leg. Would-Be Suicide Bomber Killed by Unexpected SMS From Mobile Carrier [wired] Thanks to UncleFUJ and I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT CATES ARE, who both have multiple capitals in their names, making them winners in my book.

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Woopsie Daisy: Suicide Bomber Gets Blown Up Prematurely By ‘Happy New Year’ Text

Some moron decided it would be a good idea to attempt stealing holy gas from a church van. Only problem is, Jesus wasn’t having it . BURN HEATHEN, BUUUUURN! Blake King, 24, was reported in stable condition Wednesday in Vanderbilt University Hospital’s Burn Center. Evansville police report King was burned as he was using a cordless drill to drill into the gas tank of a 2001 Chevrolet van on the lot of Abundant Faith Church, 1228 Lodge Ave. Something sparked, according to the police report, catching the van on fire and burning King . The fire leaves the church without one of its two vans, which was supposed to help transport youth members to St. Louis this weekend. Officers arrived and found King, who told them he was burned when he stopped at 1228 Lodge Ave. to help another man who was on fire. Firefighters and fire investigators found a cordless drill next to the van. LOLWUT — cordless drilling a gas tank?!?! Let’s say you somehow managed to not set your dumbass on fire, what were you gonna do when the gas started flowing? Catch it in your mouth and spit it into a bucket? Okay that’s actually pretty good. Police: Man caught self on fire trying to steal gas from church van [courierpress] Thanks to Dakota, who tried electric drilling a dairy truck once and ended up with nothing but a milk mustache. I’m not gonna lie, you look handsome.

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Man Attempts Gas Theft From Church Van, Sets Himself, Van Ablaze

This is a surveillance video that was just released from a Swedish bank robbery that went down back in September. The robbers landed a helicopter on the roof, broke into the Louvre-ass looking ceiling , and proceeded to escape with over $5 million (US) in Swedish Fish kronar. Krona krona bills ya’ll. Fortunately or unfortunately, depending on whether or not you view these guys as brilliant schemers or common criminals, 10 of them got caught and are going on trial next month. But now that the trial is about to begin, they’ve released the above footage of the crime itself. Pfft, amateurs. Correct me if I’m wrong, but isn’t one of the most important things to remember when robbing a bank IS NOT TO GET CAUGHT? Cause otherwise you’re not so much a bank robber as you are prison penis fodder, are you? Hoho — YO ASS GONNA GET STOLE! Hit the jump for the crime in action.

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Video Of A $5 Million Swedish Bank Robbery