This is a video of TRON guy Jay Maynards (as in, *kick* OOOOH MAYNARDS!) “performing” on ‘America’s Got Talent’, a freakshow where three questionably talented judges gauge the talent of a bunch of weirdos. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Unfortunately for the Matrix or whatever, TRON guy performs about as well as a computer loaded with shifty porn site viruses and doesn’t make the cut. Wow, who would’ve thought telling the story of how you became an internet celebrity (”OMG — have you seen the picture of that fat guy in the TRON leotard?!?!”) wouldn’t be deemed talent-worthy? SPOILER : TRON Guy. :/ Hit the jump for three full minutes of sadness.

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Pure Unadulterated Sadness: TRON Guy Does ‘America’s Got Talent’. IT. GOES. HORRIBLY.

Remember the washing machine that failed to clean a brick ? Well here it is again with a face . Not so funny now, is it? Yes, yes it is too. As a matter of fact, it’s even funnier . Unfortunately, all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put the washer back together again and have all been wearing the same stinky, skid-marked drawls for almost a month now. It’s true, Robin Hood even puked just trying to rob them. Hit it for the most worthwhile video I’ve seen in a long time.

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That Made It So Much Better: Brick-Washing Washing Machine Gets Anthropomorphized