While I continue to run around like a headless chicken before finally collapsing and meeting my maker (it’s probably gonna turn out to be a f***ing robot!), here are the stars of the CBS NBC show ‘Community’ reimagined as X-Men characters by artist Aviv Or. Pretty spot-on, right? I thought so. Be sure to check out the link to the artist’s website for an individual picture of each character in case you’re having trouble rubbing one out to Joel McHale as Cyclops without Professor Creepystare’s face right next to his package. Artist’s Website Thanks to Annie’s Boobs, who can apparently type now. Mine? Mine just sag and grow hair.

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TV’s ‘Community’ Stars As X-Men Characters

Note: Full-res version of the entire looooooooong thing HERE . This is a comprehensive guide to the history of the Doctor Who television franchise in timeline slash infographical format (saying slash is the new / FYI). For those of you not familiar with Doctor Who , it’s the show the band The who took their name from. Just kidding, but feel free to spread that if you wanna sound like a total TA– “Don’t even say it!” Say what? ” TARDIS .” I wasn’t gonna! “Then what were you gonna say?” Nooooo, it’s too late now. If you wanna hear what I was gonna say you’re gonna have to Time Lord your ass back a minute or suffer the wrath. *brandishing Sonic Screwrdriver * “That’s an electric toothbrush.” I don’t care what it is, it’s about to be brushing your colon! Doctor Who Timeline [cabletv] Thanks to James, who actually made the graphic and clearly has some impressive organizational skills.

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Comprehensive Timeline/Infographic To Doctor Who

In ‘WTF took so long?’ news, the FCC has announced that starting next December, television commercials can be no louder than the shows they follow. LIFE INSURANCE, BONER PILLS, CHOLESTROL MEDS!! (I watch a lot of old westerns) After making its way through Capitol Hill, the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act (or CALM) — which aims to keep the sounds coming out of your flat panel even-keeled — has just been adopted in a ruling by the FCC. Starting next December, ads and promos will have to remain in-step with the audio levels of scheduled programming. I don’t know about you, but I’ve actually passed out on the sofa before and been WOKEN UP by a commercial. And not like, ‘oh I was tired and I fell asleep’ passed out either. I’m taking I just ate a cheeseburger off the carpet WASTED. You probably could’ve driven a firetruck through the living room and I wouldn’t have woken up, but this commercial did. I need help folks, that’s the real issue here. FCC tells advertisers to CALM down, lowers the volume on commercial breaks [engadget] Thanks to Becks and michael, who haven’t seen a commercial since DVR.

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Law To Keep TV Ad Volume Low Gets Passed

I remember living in an apartment a few years back where they wouldn’t let you put a satellite dish on your balcony because they thought they looked bad. Now? Now I live in such a shithole you can pretty much do whatever you want including discharge firearms inside at all hours of the night. You drug dealers in 308 know what I’m talking about — high-five! I was actually hoping you could spot me some weed. This is a satellite dish disguised as a patio chair so you don’t get in trouble with your landlord/homeowner’s association just because Time Warner Cable sucks so f***ing hard. Landlord : I couldn’t help but notice there’s a chair on your roof. Me : Yeah? Landlord : What’s it doing up there? Me : I had a kegger, somebody must’ve thrown it up there. Landlord : And…? Me : And I’m not climbing up to get it! Landlord : It looks nailed down. I’m going to have to charge you to call somebody and retrieve it. Me : TOUCH THAT PHONE AND DIE, SLUMLORD! Product Site (only available in Europe) via Satellite Chair lets you tune into your favorite TV shows [ubergizmo] Thanks to Ekko, who was just happy to hear it can actually be used as a regular chair. Hell yes satellite signals blasting through every part of your body! That’s how superpowers happen.

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Suck It, Homeowner’s Association!: Satellite Dish Disguised As A Patio Chair

A company called Senseq has developed a functional prototype of a TV/computer screen that allows you to actually feel textures on the screen. They’re calling it the Touch Feel Screen (presumably because Grope-Box was already taken). The technology works using electrostatic fields and could be available for widespread use in as early as two years. Coooooool — I’m gonna start sleeping with my hands in socks so they’re extra sensitive! When you touch different areas on the screen the field produces varying degrees of friction — which is what creates a high fidelity sensation of texture. The sensation is delivered regardless of whether your fingers move or not. The feeling could project contours and edges of things in front of you, and creates the sensation of everything from silk to rough terrain. Impressive. Or at least it would be if I haven’t been RUBBING MY NOSE ON TELEVISION SCREEN SINCE I WAS A KID. Just sayin’, I’ve known about electrostatic friction for like 25 years now. You know how many times I’ve shuffled my socks across the carpet and touched my wiener to a metal door handle?! Just the one. (It caught fire) Prototype creates feeling of texture on flat screens [dvice] and Senseg demonstrates new technology that creates textures on flat screens [gizmag]

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Flat Screens: Soon With More Touchable Textures

…why is there a tattered horsetail on the wall? This is a video of William ‘ Captain James T. Kirk ‘ Shatner weighing in on the “which is better, Star Trek or Star Wars ” debate. SPOILER : he basically says that Star Wars is a derivative of the Trek, the only thing Wars did better were the special effects, and THAT IS ALL. But he’s also wearing a f***ing Afflicition shirt at 80, so he basically has zero credibility. So, in replacement of his mooted points, allow me to present the definitive argument in the debate: WHO GIVES A SHIT? They’re entirely different. Some people like one more, some the other. It’s like comparing apples and oranges wieners and woman parts. Just FYI though: Star Wars is totally the wiener . “Soooooooo, you’re a huge Star Wars fan.” SONOFA! No — Trek. Gaaaah, I love both! Hit the jump for the damn bro, stop talking and let me see you rest a beer on that belly. Also, bonus video of the Shat trying to sing Black Sabbath’s ‘Iron Man’ because WTF, seriously.

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William Shatner Talks Star Trek Vs. Star Wars In Front Of A Bunch Of Horse Memorabilia

No, Jonah, it’s not that big and you and I both know it. NOTE: Video is NSFW on account of mad bad words. This is the 19-minute pilot for my buddy Jonah Ray’s video game-themed comedy show, ‘Jonah’s Ray’s Arcade’. It was pitched to Comedy Central, but, unfortunately, passed on. Which is a shame because there is sooooooooo much shitty shit on TV , but THIS — this I would have at least DVR’d. Hit the jump for the whole show.

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‘Jonah Ray’s Arcade’ Video Game Show Pilot

Seen here giving us his best ‘meet me behind the planetarium’, acclaimed astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson is set to host the sequel to Carl Sagan’s ‘ Cosmos ‘, entitled ‘Cosmos: A Space-Time Odyssey’. It will be a 13-part series airing on Fox during primetime in 2013 and produced by, who else, Seth MacFarlane. Wait, what?! The same guy producing the new ‘Flintstones’ reboot? WTFOX. According to the producers, the new series will tell “the story of how human beings began to comprehend the laws of nature and find our place in space and time. It will take viewers to other worlds and travel across the universe for a vision of the cosmos on the grandest scale. The most profound scientific concepts will be presented with stunning clarity, uniting skepticism and wonder, and weaving rigorous science with the emotional and spiritual into a transcendent experience.” Thankfully, the series is being co-produced by the National Geographic Channel, which will show an encore of each episode the day after they air on Fox and, hopefully, keep cartoon transitions and comedic voicework to a minimum. “But that would be awesome!” Would it be? “Now that I think about it, no.” So you responded before actually thinking about it? “I guess I–” GET THAT FINGER OUT OF YOUR NOSE! Fox Orders 13-Episode Sequel To Carl Sagan’s ‘Cosmos’ Docu-Series With Seth MacFarlane Producing For 2013 Launch [deadline] Thanks to Travis, Iron Man and bb, who’re hoping Neil gets a cool spaceship cockpit mockup like Carl did in the original. Shit was dope!

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Updated ‘Cosmos’ Series w/ Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Produced By Seth MacFarlane

This is a video of TRON guy Jay Maynards (as in, *kick* OOOOH MAYNARDS!) “performing” on ‘America’s Got Talent’, a freakshow where three questionably talented judges gauge the talent of a bunch of weirdos. U.S.A.! U.S.A.! Unfortunately for the Matrix or whatever, TRON guy performs about as well as a computer loaded with shifty porn site viruses and doesn’t make the cut. Wow, who would’ve thought telling the story of how you became an internet celebrity (”OMG — have you seen the picture of that fat guy in the TRON leotard?!?!”) wouldn’t be deemed talent-worthy? SPOILER : TRON Guy. :/ Hit the jump for three full minutes of sadness.

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Pure Unadulterated Sadness: TRON Guy Does ‘America’s Got Talent’. IT. GOES. HORRIBLY.

SPOILER ALERT: Last six minutes of Smallville . Ever wanted to hear a guy go completely f***ing nuts watching the series finale of Smallville ? Even if you don’t know it yet, you do. This is the kind of shit I live for (plus nipples and beer). Dude’s like the double rainbow guy on triple the LSD WTF with an unhealthy mix of female hormone injections and boner pills on the side. I’m pretty sure he “completes”. It may be fake, it may be real, but it is definitely a reminder of just how little I feel inside. It’s true folks, I’m like a shell. A SHELL HOUSING ONE BADASS NINJA TURTLE. *karate kick!* Hit the jump for six minutes of damn bro, calm down before you hurt yourself!

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Damn Bro!: ‘Smallville’ Finale Freakout Video