This is a video of Vilnius (the capital of Lithuania) mayor Arturas Zuokas crushing an illegally parked Mercedes in a tank . Except that’s not really a tank because tanks have treads (but not all things with treads are tanks!). That right there is what we call an urban assault vehicle. I assume the whole thing was staged, but the point that Mayor Zuokas was trying to make is that illegally parked cars WILL NOT BE TOLERATED. Prostitution, maybe , but not if they’re gonna wear those shorts where their buttcheeks are all hanging out the bottom. Those are gross. Still, I’m not sure running over a single car in a wheeled tank-thingy is really the most effective way to deter illegal parking. No, the best way to deter illegal parking is to hide under the perp’s car and slit their Achilles tendon when they come to get in. Now that shit — that shit’ll teach somebody a lesson. Just not one about learning to walk again, that’s the physical therapist’s job. Hit the jump for the lamest monster truck rally I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen them put on in a neighbor’s backyard before.

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Should’ve Used A Monster Truck: Lithuanian Mayor Crushes Illegally Parked Car In Tank

This is the remote-controlled Digger D-3 “flail tank “. It’s the latest and greatest (read: explosive-proof) of Digger mine-detonators, which have been around since WWII. Basically, it’s steered around on the battlefield like a giant R/C car tank while it wails on the ground with a rotating drum of 10-pound hammers on chains, setting off anything explosive it comes in contact with. God what I’d give to drive that thing around town. The ten pound hammers spin wildly on the bar, digging up to 8 inches into the dirt as they strike. Heavy armor protects the tank if a mine explodes, and any damage to the hammers or chains is easily repaired in the field. I love it. Granted I’m sure we could invent some sort of robotic mine detector or an orbiting satellite that could locate and detonate land mines from space with a powerful laser beam, but I miss the the good old days when the answer to everything was “just beat the shit out of it.” *eying mangled printer* Haha, you know what I’m talkin’ about! Hit the jump for a video of the D-3’s predecessor (cleverly named the D- 2 ), in action.

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The Latest And Greatest Landmine Detonator

Geekologie Reader and photojournalist with balls at least 5x the international average (and 8x that of Geekologie Readers), David Adams was actually in Libya for the Battle of Sfett Hill (of trunk-tank fame ), and took a bunch more footage of the fighting (and makeshift weapons used). It, uh, really makes me thankful to be sitting in a quiet, florescent-lighted office. This battle took place on 6/6/11. The rebels from Qalaa and Zintan were successful in removing Gaddafi forces from Sffet Hill. The rebels use many makeshift weapons to get the job done. One of the more interesting weapons I’ve heard about, but haven’t seen yet, is a 14.5mm gun with two grad rocket tubes mounted on the side. Also, I had to take a pee break in the middle of the fight. sorry. Video by Colin Summers and David Adams. Colin used a GOPRO mounted on his nikon while I used a canon 7d for video. Not gonna lie, David, I would’ve just pissed my pants. And not because I’m some sort of hardcore photojournalist afraid of missing a moment on film, but because I would’ve just been pissing my pants in fear the entire time. And crying. Lots of crying. HARD. Hit the jump for the holy smokes.

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Libyan Truck-Mounted Tank Cannon: Now With More Truck-Mounted Weapon Friends

Seen here demonstrating how Power Wheels are made, this is the The Shadow Hawk Street Hawk: coming soon to my driveway elevator garage . Okay maybe not. But only because I could never part with the Tercel. The Street Hawk is the first vehicle with 46 inches of independent wheel travel without camber or caster compromise. The ride height or ground clearance is adjustable from zero to 44 inches while in motion. The Street Hawk has 1,100 horsepower, 1,805 foot pounds of torque and has a highway estimated 22mpg. The vehicle is all-wheel-drive with 40 inch tall, 15.5 inch wide tires and 22 inch wheels. The air suspended seats are hand crafter to the driver’s specific proportions. From the driver’s seat you can control the vehicles pitch, roll and overall ride height using D-pad controls beneath your fingertips. The Street Hawk is the best on-road performing Shadow Hawk. With an overall weight of 4,800 pounds, the Street Hawk can accelerate from 0 to 60mph in 3.5 seconds and has a calculated top speed of 208mph . The vehicle uses an innovative actijavascript:void(0);ve suspension system that leans into corners and maintains the ideal camber and caster geometry throughout operation. Production is set at 12 units per year with the first vehicle available in late 2011. I want one. No, I NEED one. And they start at only $1.2 million. I’m gonna buy all of next year’s production! In my dreams. And speaking of my dreams: I had one last night where I was making out with a werewolf (I blame Twilight ). So yeah, what’s that mean? And, completely unrelated, any idea why my dog’s been hiding under the bed all day? Must be sick. Hit the jump for a bunch more pictures.

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DO WANT: Street Hawk Urban Assault Vehicle