Remember last year’s release of Super Mario Converse special editions ? Well they’re back with another, this time in low-tops. Me? I like my tops muffin . Dropping next month for an undisclosed amount of gold coins, the Converse Japan One Star Super Mario Bros OX are the perfect shoes for doing a little princess saving. Ooooooor walking to the liquor store. They are NOT for kicking shit though. And neither are flip-flips (that’s how I got worms). Converse One Star Super Mario Bros. OX [highsnobiety] Thanks to Jacques, who claims he used to have a pair of Altered Beast Asics back in the day. Get the f*** out!

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Princess-Saving Shoes: Super Mario Bros. Converse

This is a custom blown Super Mario Bros. bong . As you can see, it looks like Mario is either stoned out of his mind and/or tripping on shrooms. No idea who made the piece or who it belongs to, so we’re gonna have to put on our detective hats and do a little investigating. *examining picture with magnifying glass* Whoa — my computer screen is made out of a bunch of little dots! That’s crazy. Ooh, here’s a clue — the owner clearly carved his lover’s name ‘APRIL’ into the coffee table. Which — holy shit it’s Michelangelo’s. Put This in Your Pipe: Super Mario Bros Glass Bong [obviouswinner] Thanks to Sparklebottom, who may or may yes wipe with craft glitter.

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Smoking Piranha Plants: Custom Super Mario Bong

This is the $34 Mario warp pipe coffee mug from Fangamer , the same company that brought us the Mega Man energy tank coffee mug . It makes a great stocking stuffer. Or, should I say, stocking clogger ? Get it? Because it’s a pipe and sometimes pipes get clogged if you flush too many paper towels and tampons. What? I’M BEING REAL. Plus one time I flushed a pair of underwear because I’d made a mistake in the back and was too embarrassed to have my girlfriend wash them. $140 later the plumber Roto-Rooted them out and showed them to her anyways. CURSE YOU, MARIO! Hit the jump for several more shots, including the mug as a (piranha) planter.

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Warp Me Awake, STAT: The Mario Pipe Coffee Mug

This is a short animation of a re-imagined Super Mario Bros. player select screen in gritty 3-D with an environmental twist by digital artist Jonathan Fletcher. Obviously, I would play the hell out of that if it were real. Also, have nightmares . “Nightmares or wet dreams?” Ha, that depends on what the princess looks like. “You mean Yoshi?” Yes, yes I do. Hit the jump for the MAKE IT REAL, MAKE IT REAL NOW.

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Reimagining The Mario Bros Player Select Screen

This is a real game in development featuring Super Mario Bros. BUT WITH PROTALS!!!!11 (Protals are the new portals btw). It will eventually be released for free but you can’t play it yet because, well, that’s life. Oh shishi, you want some game facts? COO BRO I GOT THAT. All the source code of the game will be available after release The game will have mappacks, which will be downloadable from ingame. Users most likely won’t be able to publish maps directly, but will be able to send them in and we’ll add them for everyone to use. The primary maps will have a story and some portaly puzzles. What kind, well, we’ll figure that out as we go Level editor will be embedded in the game so you can edit the level while you play Original SMB levels and Lost levels will be included Simultaneous Multiplayer Looks promising. And I don’t say that about just any game. Yes, yes I do. You know how they always make a super shitty video game to accompany every kid’s movie that comes out? I’ve played all of them. Aaaaaaaaand I regret it. Hit the jump for a video of the gameplays.

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Super Mario Bros., Now With More Portals

Awkward move is awkward for brothers. This is a Super Mario themed swing dance routine being performed by Morgan Day and Emily Wigger at the National Jitterbug Championship or something. They didn’t place. It’s still pretty good though. Granted not as dramatic as you could make a Zelda themed swing routine , but I also don’t want to risk somebody desecrating the Zelda franchise for me. So…we get this. Watch it, don’t watch it, I’m on my third birthday beer and it’s 8:24. Hit the jump for the bideo.

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The Ol’ Super Mario Swing Dance Routine

Super Mario enemies : a lot of times you felt bad killing them because half of them were just happy little turtles THAT DIDN’T EVEN ATTACK. Enter artist Mike Puncekar, who shows you what those 8-bit graphics couldn’t: the darker side of Mario’s enemies. This is obviously a goomba here, but hit the jump for nine more, all of which are nightmare-inducing. And speaking of nightmares: I had one last night where a friend, under the pretense he’d found a missing shoe of mine, lured me into this basement and tried to kill me . God — what a girl’s willing to go through for a good pair of pumps amirite?! Hit the jump for the creepfest.

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Super Mario Enemies Frighteningly Reimagined

Graphic artist Mathijs Sterrenburg (whose favorite video game is Legend of Zelda, FTW!) went and created 120 different variations of the power-up mushroom from the Super Mario franchise . These are them (well, 30 of them, the rest are after the jump). Damn — how cool would it have been if there was a power-up mushroom that turned you into Vader? I’d have force-choked Bowser from level 1-1 and been back to the Death Star in time to blow up Endor! F***ing love the smell of burnt Ewok in the morning. Hit the jump for 90 more.

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The Many Faces Of Super Mario Mushrooms

Relax, they’re bad guys, bro . They work for Bowser . They’re not even worth burying. God, if I beat myself up every time I stomped an enemy I’d be in the ICU all the f***ing time. And not just because I like the pudding, but I did contact the food distributor and they won’t sell to individuals. Long story short: I want you to stab me with this ninja sword. But only deep enough so they keep me over the weekend. Oh shit, wait — help me install my catheter first. Huh? What’s it look like — it’s a McDonald’s straw. Now on the count of three I want you to jab it in my penis like a Capri Sun. Mario [maneggs] via Mario Cartoon [thedailywh.at] Thanks to Allo and Kake, who would have dug up that goomba and stolen his wallet. Damn — ya’ll cold!

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Awh — Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself, Mario

First he steals all the copper pipe out of my grandparents’ house, now he’s stealing extra dimensions ! WTF, MARIO?! You have an invincibility star addiction we don’t know about? Haha, what do you mean you’re depressed? It doesn’t have anything to do with me and the Princess’s peach, does it? Oh you didn’t know ab– I SAID I’M GAY FOR TOAD! cezkid’s DeviantART via Retro Mario in 3D flavor [likecool] Thanks to Guilmon_DT, who made a 3-D model of the Princess but wouldn’t share it with anybody because he wants her all to himself. That’s greedy!

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Dammit Mario, Stop Stealing D’s!: Mario In 3-D