Seen here looking way too too pretty to be cooking meth at Wal-Mart the wrong way, 45-year old Elizabeth Elisha Halfmoon (cool name!) was arrested after spending 6-hours in a Tulsa, Oklahoma Wal-Mart trying to inconspicuously cook crystal meth. Thrifty! “When I saw her she had just finished mixing sulfuric acid with starter fluid in a bottle,” says Officer David Shelby. “When firefighters were on the scene she made statements to them that is what she was doing, she was attempting to obtain these chemicals and was in the process of trying to manufacture meth. However, she said she was not very good at it,” said Shelby. Reportedly she told respondents to the scene she was “too broke” to buy the chemicals. An officer on the scene, who did not realize the bottle was active, picked up the bottle to discard it and was injured as the mix burned through the bottle and his gloves. He was medically treated at a local hospital for chemical burns and is reportedly okay. Oh man, I love the police officer that just walks in and starts picking up bottles of chemicals she’d mixed. What, were you sick the day they made you watch the meth video in police academy? That shit will blow up IN YOUR FACE. You’ll never make the bomb squad! Woman arrested for making meth in Walmart [digitaljournal] and The Saddest Woman Ever to Fail to Cook Meth in a Walmart [gawker] Thanks to Marlowe, who agrees the only thing that should be cooking at Wal-Mart are the hotdogs at the snack bar. Mmmm, Wal-Mart wieners.

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Against Store Policy: Lady Cooks Meth In Wal-Mart

43-year old Robert Jeffrey Young (43 isn’t really that young, bro) and Mark Rubinson, 25, went to pick up their “friend” Jeffrey Jarrett for a guy’s night out on the town. Only thing is, Jeffrey was dead . So what did they do? Loaded his blue ass into the back of their car and went out anyways! His treat. [The two men found Jerrett] unresponsive at his house late on Aug. 27, before loading him into Rubinson’s car and taking him to a local bar and grill, where they drank on his tab. They then went to another bar, before returning Jarrett’s body to his home and continuing their night out using their dead friend’s ATM card to withdraw money. On their way home, they flagged down a cop and told him they thought their friend was dead at his house. Wait — YOU LEFT HIM IN THE CAR?! But what if he wanted to mack on some honeys? What the hell’s the purpose of bringing him if you’re not even gonna tie strings around his hands and make him dance like a real-life marionette?! You know you could have just taken his ATM card and left him at home. Also, anybody’s whose first reaction to a dead friend is “let’s load him in the car and go boozing” and not “scream and pass out” scares the hell out of me. Denver Men Accused of Taking Friend’s Corpse on Boys’ Night Out [foxnews] Thanks to Thaylor, who doesn’t even want to find a frienemy dead.

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Good Friends: Guys Find Friend Dead, Play ‘Weekend At Bernies’ IRL To Drink On His Tab

Planking: it’s stupid and you look like a sped doing it. On a scale from 1 to 10 of fads it could never IN ITS WILDEST F***ING DREAMS come close to a slap-bracelet. And a 4-year store supervisor at Gamestop found that out the hard way after getting fired for planking on the clock and tweeting the photos. Personally, I would’ve opted for a quick game of pogs in the back, but that’s just me AND I KNOW WHAT COOL IS. Because he was planking while in a supervisory position, combined with the Twitter posts, his termination is considered gross negligence. Mazzocchi was a Senior Game Advisor, and had been working at Gamestop since 2007. At first this may seem like an overreaction, Gamestop is considering not only their own reputation but the safety of its employees in this matter. Mazzocchi was putting himself in potential danger both on company property and while on the clock. By posting the images to Twitter, he essential nailed his own coffin. Gamestop is notorious for monitoring its employees actions on the web, and this is not the first time a company has used evidence from social networking sites like Twitter as grounds for termination. Hit the jump for another shot of Macaroni planking on the register counter while looking suspiciously like Justin Bieber (who’s right up there on my list of things that shouldn’t exist). The lesson here? If you’re ever thinking about planking, try waterboarding first. Now that’s where the real fun’s at! Another shot and a picture of the denied unemployment benefits notice.

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Gamestop Worker Fired For Planking In Store

Seen here on the back of a temporary tattoo that looks suspiciously like my high school mascot (the Iroquois Spider Pirates), a new barely-there medical patient monitor awaits being wetted and firmly pressed to the breast for 30-seconds. But can you make them with pencil lead on notebook paper? And, perhaps even more importantly, does anybody here know how to write letters backwards? With the tattoo, all the electronic parts are built out of wavy, snake-like components, which mean they can cope with being stretched and squeezed. There are also tiny solar cells which can generate power or get energy from electromagnetic radiation. A mass of cables, wires, gel-coated sticky pads and monitors are currently needed to keep track of a patient’s vital signs. Scientists say this can be “distressing”, such as when a patient with heart problems has to wear a bulky monitor for a month “in order to capture abnormal but rare cardiac events”. Hey — there’s nothing worse than a bulky monitor. *eying old 17″ CRT computer monitor* “You lookin’ at me?” YES I’M LOOKING AT YOU — I STARE AT YOUR ASS 14-HOURS A DAY! Such a sessy ass it is too. I love the wires coming out. Electronic tattoo ‘could revolutionise patient monitoring’ [bbcnews] Thanks to Amanda and JoeLicASac, who wear their medical monitors like they wear their war scars: covered up under an ankle sock.

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Make Mine A Skull And Crossbones!: New Medical Monitoring Temporary Tattoos

No not the show, dummy. 12-year old Jake Barnett has Asperger’s Syndrome and an IQ of 170 (~10 points higher than Albert Einstein or Stephen Hawking ). He takes collegiate astrophysics classes for breakfast. Okay, not actually for breakfast (Eggos FTW!), but he does take them. Barnett has always been a bright bulb. At age three, he was solving 5,000-piece jigsaw puzzles while the rest of us were still drooling. Those advanced astrophysics classes? He also provides tutoring for them. He already has a paid gig lined up performing research at Indiana University Princeton University’s Scott Tremaine even emailed the family to say, “The theory that he’s working on involves several of the toughest problems in astrophysics and theoretical physics. Anyone who solves these will be in line for a Nobel Prize.” So, will Jake solve some of the most profound equations known to man, or turn to drugs and alcohol like the rest of us budding geniuses? “GW — I’ve SEEN your IQ score — 69 is hardly genius.” *snicker* “What?” I scored that on purpose. Hit the jump for two videos, the first of which is Jake talking about the Big Bang theory (NOT SHELDON AND THOSE OTHER GUYS) and the second, a much longer one about trig integrals (f*** if I know).

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12-Year Old Has IQ Higher Than Einstein’s, Currently Tackling The Big Bang Theory

Not to brag or anything but I’m cleverly packaged too if you know what I mean. I mean my wiener can solve word problems all by itself. Got me through middle-school , just sayin’! The “Miswak,” a teeth cleaning twig used throughout the Muslim world in lieu of modern toothbrush models, gets updated packaging for Western markets courtesy of School of Visual Arts student Leen Sadder. Traditionally, the Miswak’s bark is chewed off to expose the brush-like fibers underneath, but for commercial purposes, Sadder opted to include a lid that doubles as a tip-trimmer. I’d never actually heard of the Miswak before so I did some very brief research and found out it might actually be more effective than a toothbrush. WTF, ORAL B?! A 2003 scientific study comparing the use of miswak with ordinary toothbrushes concluded that the results clearly were in favor of the users who had been using the miswaak, provided they had been given proper instruction in how to brush using it. Granted that’s just one study and I usually pass out on the couch without brushing my teeth anyways, but I actually like mossy teeth. Back me up, Ents! “It’s true, he tries to climb in our mouths when we’re asleep and lick our molars — the kid’s a freak”. Wow, TMI Oak-face. Now shut your woodpecker-hole and and take me to Gondor. Toothbrush Redesign of the Day [thedailywh.at] Thanks to Sue, who flosses with barbed-wire because her dentist told her it’s good for the gums. Are, uh, are you sure that wasn’t just the nitrous talking?

Original post:
The Stick Toothbrush: Now Cleverly Packaged

This is a sneak preview of the 3rd generation Kindle robot book . It’s pretty much exactly what I expect to see Amazon roll out next year. And speaking of rolling out — transform! I said transform! *touching breast* Stupid mannequin. The Kindle 3 [collegehumor] Thanks to Julian, who never learned to read and is already on the waiting list.

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Sneak Preview: The Third Generation Kindle?

Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers). Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS . Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards. Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don’t judge me. Meatcards Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.

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Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards