This is a short video of a cat playing Duck Hunt . You can tell he’s good because he doesn’t hesitate to go right after that annoying f***ing dog . I also love how he keeps waiting for the birds to fly out the top of the monitor . Haha, animals — so stupid . But seriously, where do they go when they fly offscreen? Please don’t say hell, please don’t say hell, please don’t say hell. “Hell”. GAAAH, YOU JUST DID THAT TO HURT ME, DIDN’T YOU?! You’re sick. Hit the jump for some blatant disregard for proper gaming peripherals.

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Cats With Guns: Kitty Playing Duck Hunt

Maddie Chambers went and built herself a super impressive looking Bag End hobbit hole dollhouse . It’s amazing. I posted a couple more pictures after the jump, but Maddie has between two and three billion on her website which you should go check out to see the whole thing. My penis? You’d need two more eyes to see the whole thing. Hit it for a couple more shots and another link to Maddie’s website.

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Eye Candy: Amazing Bilbo Baggins Dollhouse

This is a video of a Polish truck driver drifting his semi (sans trailer) for a minute straight. It was pretty impressive and definitely put those asshats in ‘The Fast And Furiously Beating Off To Modified Civics’ to shame. Per the video uploader: best driver from poland kopiowanie bez zezwolenia zabronione!!! komentarze z ksywami lub nazwiskami ewentualnych drajwerow beda usuwane I honestly have no idea what all that said but I assume they just called me something dirty. OH REALLY? Well how many Poles does it take to drift a semi? 10. One to sit in a stationary truck and 9 to not know how to fake it with CGI. Oooh — BU-BU-BU-BURN! Youtube Thanks to mike, who once drifted a dump truck for eight minutes before all the wheels blew off and it barrel rolled into an embankment. Awesome.

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They Have Trucks In Poland?: Polish Semi Driver Drifts Truck For A Minute Straight

This is a video of ninja /sign-spinner Matthew Kermode. He can spin a sign like nobody’s business . But it is — he works for a sign-spinning business! Taking his headphones off to talk with us for a second, the sign samurai handed us a card out of his wallet: “Matthew Kermode — AArrow Sign Spinner, Spinstructor.” (Yes, “AArrow.”) He said he’s been doing this for 10 years now, translating his martial arts work to a more marketable skill. Kermode mostly works in the East Bay for the Martinez-based AArrow, spinning signs for housing developers. As far as who today’s client Jigsaw is, “I’m not 100-percent sure.” Kermode tried to be modest, saying he’s not the most talented spinner in the company. “We have a team of 15 guys right now and they all have talent. Different degrees of skill, but they all have talent.” He couldn’t have gotten the title “Spinstructor” for nothing. “…translating his martial arts work to a more marketable skill”??? What’s more marketable than STEALTH ASSASSIN-RY? I can’t think of anything. Well, besides handsome blogger. Yep yep yep, TONS of opportunity over here. The Amazing Spinning Sign Samurai Wows Fourth Street [sfweekly] Thanks to Rich the Destroyer, Bob the Builder’s mortal enemy.

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For When You Can’t Kill: Sign Spinning

NOTE : Probably NSFW just because most employers frown on videos of dancers working the pole, but there is no nudity or even thongs, so yeah, use your own discretion (read: push play). No need to thank me folks, just doing my job. Also, I saw things happen in this video that I didn’t think were humanly possible (mostly towards the end). Beautiful things. Think a family of unicorns cresting a double rainbow on the first day of spring, but then replace that with a stripper throwing her hooha around a pole, and you’ve got it. Youtube Thanks to Party Kid Transformer and Julia, who can perform all these stunts without the pole because they’re both powerful sorcerers.

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Just Doing My Job: 2009 Pole Dancing Contest

This is a video of some guy named Damien Walters pulling off all sorts of real-life ninja / superhero moves. It is the perfect blend of amazing gynmastics and homoeroticism. Dude kind of reminds me of Wolverine , but without the adamaluminum (was that sacrilegious?) claws . He does all kinds of ridiculously ridiculous things, but I particularly liked the car trick at 0:45. You see that? Suck it, Bo Duke! Youtube Thanks to Harry, who can do all those moves times ten. Blindfolded . With Yoda on his back.

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Pfft, I Can Do That: Wicked Ninja Moves

In an experiment that helps prove some birds are smarter than they’d look in the bottom of a KFC bucket, a British rook was able to make a tool ( hook ) in order to accomplish a task (score worms ). Allegedly, this puts them on par with monkeys and toddlers. But I haven’t seen any toddlers making tools. Just stools . Yeah, in their pants . Birds: 1, toddlers: 0. They were presented with a small bucket of wriggling worms out of reach at the end of a tube, and next to it a piece of straight wire. Remarkably, despite never having seen the set-up before, they immediately got to work bending the wire so they could hook out the bucket and tuck in. Unlike most animals which learn tricks through trial and error, they solved the problem immediately and, since they were raised in captivity, had no other birds to show them how to do it. Just what I’ve been waiting for. Now I’m going to use a flock of rooks to finally rob the local bank. God knows the squirrels couldn’t do it. Could you, you stupid tree rats? I swear, one of you spots a nut and you act like it’s the first time you showered with daddy. Hit the jump for a couple more action shots and a video.

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Hmm: Birds As Smart As Monkeys, Toddlers

I’m not sure if you enjoyed the last episode of Isao Machii: Modern Samurai as much as I did, but if you didn’t, you should watch it again until you do. Then we can start a book club . But instead of books we’ll discuss Youtube videos and drink beer . Plus, if you’re a chick, we could make out. Hell, even if you’re not but willing to wear a Dilophosaurus costume. Anyway, I’m sure you’ve just been chilling till the next episode, but chill no longer, because here she blows. The highlights: 0:45 : Isao cuts the wick off a burning candle. The GW begins practicing for his next birthday party. 2:30 : Isao cuts the skin off a piece of asparagus. My pee smells funny after I eat asparagus. 4:40 : Isao slices the tail off an arrow that’s been shot at him. I reconsider bringing a bow and arrow to a samurai sword fight. 8:30 : Isao cuts a steel plate in half without bending or warping the piece at all. I consider hiring Isao for future construction jobs. Well folks, there you have it, the latest from a modern Samurai. And now, the latest from a modern Don Juan: Last night : Woman at the bar rejected all my advances, despite my insistence I could make her internet famous. Went home alone and treated myself to a stranger in the bathtub. Too romantic? Youtube Thanks to Tom and Jason, who can cut through steel with just a glance and have to wear those special shades Cyclops wears. Just kidding, they’re fake Oakleys.

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Modern Samurai Returns With More HI-YA

Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs , where it grew into a little tree . Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don’t know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I’m full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens . Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood. After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient’s lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles. Sick! At least he didn’t swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter! Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.

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Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung