I’m not sure if Little Rooster is supposed to be a euphemism for a little peener, but it IS a vibrator we’re talking about so yes it absolutely is. The Little Rooster is a real alarm clock for ladies that you go to bed wearing inside your underwear with its little vibrating end resting on your privates . Then, in the morning, it slowly wakes you up with pleasure . Me? I’ll wake you up yelling, “FIRE — FIIIIIIIIRE!” Most women become completely unaware of the Little Rooster within a minute of slipping it into their knickers. Toss and turn and it will stay in place. You can even walk around wearing your Little Rooster. Can be soothing for long journeys. Please do not use during take off and landing. Adjust how gently it starts, how intense it gets, the snorgasm level, how long it lasts. The Little Rooster has thirty power levels, for precision pleasure. The motors even run while you set them, so you can tell exactly how powerful the feeling will be. Now I know what you’re wondering, “but why don’t they make something similar for men?” And that’s because you’d never get out of bed . Women: they’re responsible. Men: they’ll vibrate their f***ing wieners till they fall off given the opportunity. Official Product Site Thanks to kathy, who wakes up the old fashioned way: to sunrise.

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For The Ladies: Little Rooster Vibrator Alarm Clock

Sorry for the late start today folks, the internet was booboo when I woke up and instead of going to Starbucks I decided to yell at pedestrians from my balcony. Seems to have done the trick! Ever made love on the back of a dead alien before? I have. Ripley never had it so good. And now you too can spice up your love life with an alienskin rug from Ukranian leather-fethisher Bob Basset (best known for his bitchin’ dragon backpack ). Did I mention it glows in the dark? That’s to set the mood. Plus so you can see what goes where when you’re with a lady. Because there’s nothing awkwarder than making love on an alienskin rug only to discover you’re making love to an alienskin rug. Trust me. I had to marry it. Hit the jump for a bunch more shots including its glowing capabilities.

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Alienskin Rug: ‘Out Of This World’ Lovemakin’

Okay, so here’s the gameplan: you run to the bank for singles while I stuff my pants with chicken . One two three, BREAK! Geekologie’s Facebook Page Thanks to Jonathan and Julien, who don’t send tips as much as post them on Geekologie’s Facebook page. Hey I know, that tip form can be tricky.

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So Hot: The Sexiest Thing I’ve Seen All Day

The Inverse Graphing Calculator takes typed words and converts them to the equivalent equations it would take to create them graphically. Hey, that’s cool. Like a sorceress’s areolas. The Inverse Graphing Calculator (version beta-1) is like a backwards graphing calculator. Normally, you enter an equation into your calculator and then get a graph of the curve. The way the IGC works is, you type something you’d like as your curve, like ‘Hello World’ or ‘I love you’. The IGC produces an *equation* which has this phrase as its graph! I didn’t bother graphing any part of the equation on my TI-83 (because I haven’t used it since high school to play drug dealer), but I trust that it’s not just a scam. Of course, there is the distinct possibility that it actually IS a scam and the creator is just waiting for the day somebody wants to see an equation of their bank account info. And on that day, oh boy, on that day. Inverse Graphing Calculator [xamuel] Thanks to Mih0, who only speaks math and works on rockets and stuff. I respect that.

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Writing With Equations: Inverse Graphing Calc

Lara Croft (seen here) is best known for raiding tombs and being the relic hunting alter-ego of Angelina Jolie. And now, the town of her origin is honoring her with a road , Lara Croft Way. Hey, that’s cool, but I’ve had a road named after me for years. GW Parkway , anybody? High-five, DC peeps! The Tomb Raider babe, played by Angelina Jolie in movie adaptations of the hit games, was created by Derby-based Core Design in the mid-1990s. Bosses at the city’s council today announced their new 36million ring road will be called Lara Croft Way following a public vote. Nearly 28,000 people took part in the online poll, and Lara Croft emerged the clear winner — with 89 per cent of the vote. Congratulations, Lara, I’d drive on you. IN MY MONSTER TRUCK! I am gonna f*** your roadsigns up! Lara Croft is curvy new road [thesun] and Picture Thanks to Littlezan and Add still loves Elmo, who both have roads named after them because they are practically celebrities scammed the Make A Wish Foundation growing up.

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New English Road Named After Lara Croft

Because Japan has infinitely cooler (and 10x perverted ) everything, it was only a matter of time before they beat us to the invention of breasted mouse pads . I don’t know where you get them, and I don’t know why you would get them, all I know is I did get them. Which, fun fact: fondling your mouse pad while talking to coworkers CAN count as sexual harassment. Shocking, I know. (Anybody hiring?) Big Breasted Mousepads [buzzfeed] Thanks to emerica and CEW, who have never been caught in the janitor’s closet with a mouse pad. Yet.

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Keeping It Classy: Large Breasted Mouse Pads

Tom Selleck is arguably one of the most attractive men ever created in my likeness . So you couple his natural panty-wetting capabilities with an awe-inspiring waterfall and a delicious sandwich , and BAM!: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich , a website that features pictures perfectly described by its name. But, WARNING: You’ll never be able to look at a cheesesteak or Niagara Falls again without wishing you were riding Magnum’s mustache. And that’s not a bad thing. Hit the jump for a couple more examples and another link to the website.

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Genius Website: Selleck Waterfall Sandwich

It’s Friday, and, since I love you all, how about some sexy Star Trek and Star Wars themed corsets made by Etsy seller Evening Arwen? The Star Trek corsets go for $200 a pop and the Star Wars models (which include the rest of the costumes, but not the actual women), are $500 (trooper) and $600 (Vader). Hit the jump to see them and get all woop woop and ooh la la in your pants and blah blah is anybody still reading this? No? Okay good. Hit the jump already, geez.

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Gallery: Sexy Star Trek and Star Wars Corsets

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That’s some sauce, Russia . Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too. Official Site via Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews] Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

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Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

This picture has absolutely nothing to do with the story besides it’s of a bunch of Princess Leias having a pillow fight and God has bestowed me with the power of awesomeness. But no need to thank me folks, I did it for myself. So anyway, Darth Vader’s daughter just got pulled over for drunk driving . Police found the mother-of-two Dodds, 28, dressed in white robes with plaited hair, while her husband was wearing robes. “She was dressed as Princess Leia and her husband as Luke Skywalker and they found it was a bit embarrassing to walk the streets of Murton dressed in their costumes. When breathalysed she was more than twice over the legal drink driving limit. Magistrates banned Dodds from driving for 20 months, fined her 255 and ordered her to pay 60 in costs and a 15 victim surcharge. Dear. Mrs Dodds (aka the woman who likes to get drunk and dress as Princess Leia, aka the woman of my dreams), Firstly: if you were my girl, you would never have to drive drunk, because I have droids for that shit. Secondly: I can’t believe your husband (aka Luke Failwalker) didn’t even have the decency to Force choke and/or mind trick the arresting officer. You, princess, are running with the wrong Jedi. Marry Me? Yours, Obi Won Geekologie Woman dressed as Princess Leia of Star Wars stopped for drink driving [telegraph] Thanks to Ross, who once ran over his neighbor’s cat on a speeder bike but it was okay because speeder bikes float.

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Princess Leia Pulled Over For Drunk Driving