I’m on a seafood diet. I seafood and I…where’d it go? This is a video of a black-marble jawfish mimicking a mimic octopus . Just like that classic anti-drug PSA I LEARNED IT BY WATCHING YOU! Parents who use drugs, have children who use drugs. Plus some parents who DON’T do drugs will still have kids who do. And some parents who DO use drugs will have kids who DON’T because they’ll be all, “God, mom’s been on the wine since 10AM again and is getting f***in’ sloppy .” For a good 15 minutes, this black-marble jawfish took the mollusk express, presumably to find food beyond its burrow. As nifty as the fish’s behavior is, the researchers suspect that this isn’t an everyday interaction. From the recent paper in the journal Coral Reefs, “Opportunistic mimicry by a Jawfish”: Since the Black-Marble Jawfish is distributed from Japan to Australia, whereas the Mimic Octopus is restricted to the Indo-Malay region, we think this is a case of opportunistic rather than obligate mimicry. Neato. Of course you can’t rule out the possibility that the fish thought those tentacles were other fish to have sex with. Because my dog humps stuffed animals sometimes and they only KIND OF look like him. The giraffe one not at all. Hit the jump for the video along with a bonus one of two mimic octopi MAKIN’ THE LOVE. Honey, that wasn’t me. But he looked just like you, I swear!

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Not Finding Nemo: Fish Mimicking Mimic Octopus

Seen here falling for the ol’ fish head on a hook trick, the world’s first documented hybrid shark stares into the camera with a googly eye. Scientists believe the species is humping around in direct response to climate change, which I believe. It’s too f***ing hot in here, I’m gonna bang a hammerhead. “This is evolution in action.” The Australian black-tip is slightly smaller than its common cousin and can only live in tropical waters, but its hybrid offspring have been found 2,000 kilometres down the coast, in cooler seas. It means the Australian black-tip could be adapting to ensure its survival as sea temperatures change because of global warming. “If it hybridises with the common species it can effectively shift its range further south into cooler waters, so the effect of this hybridising is a range expansion,” Morgan said. “It’s enabled a species restricted to the tropics to move into temperate waters.” Wow, could you even imagine if great whites decided they were gonna start humping other sharks? Because that would be f***ing terrifying. But mostly just for the other shark. World-first hybrid shark found off Australia [yahoonews] Thanks to Matt, who agrees a couple more years and those shitty b-movies like Sharktopus and Squidigator aren’t gonna seem so stupid after all.

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Fill The Oceans With Concrete!: Hybrid Sharks Exist

This is a newly discovered species of Yeti (NOT Batman ) crab. It’s similar to the other hairy-armed Yeti crabs except this one grows edible bacteria on its arms by methodically waving them around in front of deep sea methane vents. And speaking of deep sea methane vents: blue whales . You don’t want to be sitting in a dinghy when one of those fart bubbles surfaces! Hit the jump for two short videos, one of the hairy arm waving, one of chow-time.

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New Yeti Crab Farms Bacteria On Its Arms To Eat

No, I don’t wanna wrestle. This is a rendering of a “lifelike” Professor Zoidberg created by artist Jared Krichevsky. If the professor would actually look like this in real life is anybody’s guess, but you back over him with my truck and I’ll start melting butter in the bathtub just in case. Now — get your hand in here. Ready? One, two, three, BREAK! Jared’s Website (with an ultra high-res version and a bunch more of his art) via The Real Zoidberg [reddit] and Futurama Fanarama: Realistic, Monstrous Zoidberg [comedycentral] Thanks to Amy and Dominic, who agree we’re just a an anthropomorphic cow away from the steak and lobster OF A LIFETIME.

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What Professor Zoidberg Would Look Like In Real Life

No, I don’t wanna wrestle. This is a rendering of a “lifelike” Doctor Zoidberg created by artist Jared Krichevsky. If the doctor would actually look like this in real life is anybody’s guess, but you back over him with my truck and I’ll start melting butter in the bathtub just in case. Now — get your hand in here. Ready? One, two, three, BREAK! Jared’s Website (with an ultra high-res version and a bunch more of his art) via The Real Zoidberg [reddit] and Futurama Fanarama: Realistic, Monstrous Zoidberg [comedycentral] Thanks to Amy and Dominic, who agree we’re just a an anthropomorphic cow away from the steak and lobster OF A LIFETIME.

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What Doctor Zoidberg Would Look Like In Real Life

Fish , long thought to make terrible tradesmen (but delicious sticks), can apparently use tools . Rocks are tools, right? “URG!” …Thanks for your input, Grok, but your dingaling is showing . I’m serious, people are starting to stare. Me? I’ve been staring the whole time. Scientists have recently discovered that several species of wrass will pick up clams with their mouths and then spit them at rock “anvils” to smash them open and get at all that yummy slime inside. Mmmm, slimy shit . And to think this whole time I’ve been steaming them to get them to open. Gaaaaaaah, outsmarted by fish again! Hit the jump for a fish demonstrating his clam-crushing skills.

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God, Build Your Own Aquarium: Fish Use Tools

You probably already know about the mimic octopus because you’re at that stage in your life where you stay up late getting high and watching Animal Planet. I’ve been there . But for those of you who haven’t, this is a video of the mimic octopus , an octopus that can successfully mimic over 15 different species of sea creatures . until now, an octopus with the ability to actually assume the appearance of another animal had never been observed. “Having studied many octopus species in the wild, I am never surprised by the color and shape change capacities of these animals,” said Mark Norman of the Melbourne Museum in Australia. “However, this animal stood out as it was the only one we’ve encountered that goes beyond camouflage to take on the guise of dangerous animals.” The octopus’s mimic animals (not to be confused with spirit animals) include, but are by no means limited to: a poisonous flatfish, a poisonous sea snake, and the lionfish. Cool! Ooh ooh — do an eel next! Amazing . Now do a spicy tuna roll! *dousing with soy sauce* Haha — sucker! Hit the jump for the worthwhile video. Particularly if you ever wanted to be a marine biologist (and who hasn’t?).

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I Don’t Even Know Who You Are Anymore!: An Octopus Can Mimic Over 15 Different Species

Mmmm, liquefied jellyfish . I use it instead of jam on my sandwiches. It’s tingly in my mouth. And now it’s a key ingredient in developing nano-scale power cells . Don’t tell PETA, they’ll throw a fish ! Scientists say by liquidizing the humble Aequorea victoria — a glow-in-the-dark jellyfish commonly found off the western coast of North America — they can use the green fluorescent protein (GFP) it contains to create miniature fuel cells. These, say their creators, could be used to power microscopic “nanodevices” that could operate independently inside the human body, helping reverse blindness or fight tumors. In Chiragwandi’s “biophotovoltaic nanodevice,” electrons flow through a circuit when light hits the green fluorescent protein. He says this generates a current measuring “tens of nano amperes.” Oh shit, oh shit, here comes the happy ending. Wait for it — wait for it… Thanks to modern breakthroughs allowing scientists to grow their own green fluorescent protein using bacteria — the unsuspecting sea creatures are no longer on the milkshake menu. BOOYA, no more ground up jellyfish! “But uh, but I didn’t have a problem with the ground up jellyfish”. YEAH WELL I DIDN’T HAVE A PROBLEM WITH YOUR FACE UNTIL YOU STARTED TALKING. At least I didn’t vocalize it. NOW LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO. ‘Jellyfish’ smoothies offer solar solutions [cnn] Thanks to Vince Lombardi, who once blended a shark he caught with his bare hands and then sent the video to that ‘Will It Blend?’ guy and called him a pussy.

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Ground Up Jellyfish Key To Nano Power Cells

GIANT SQUIDS ARE GIANT. How giant ? Try 8-feet long and 100 pounds of pure, unadulterated (okay, slightly adulterated) killing machine . I’m never going to another (nude) beach again! Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish they have even started attacking humans. Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families. No wonder the giant squid are called “diablos rojos” - red devils. Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid, named after the 18th century German explorer, have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific. Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate. See? I told you we should have filled the oceans with concrete. Now we’re all as good as dead. Except me, because my rocketship is near completion and I’m getting the f*** out of here. And by getting the f*** out of here I obviously mean exploding on the launchpad, but whatever, the point is I’m gone. MAN EATING GIANT SQUID DEVOURING FISH STOCKS [express] (I love your jeans!) Thanks to Lauren!, who’s convinced they’re actually aliens from another planet. You know what? I think you’re onto something. Possibly drugs.

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Giant Squids Depleting Fish Populations, Now Turning Their Hungry Tentacles To Humans

This is a video of a rice cooker that sits 1256 meters (~3/4 mile) below sea level off the coast of British Columbia (you thought we wouldn’t find out, didn’t you, littering Chinese restaurant?!). As you can see, a crab stands guard on top. But what’s inside? Treasure? Davy Jones? Sticky rice? You’re gonna have to watch to find out! Ooooor just keep reading. An octopus. Hit the jump to watch the video of a robotic arm removing the top and undoubtedly destroying a delicate ecosystem (typical!).

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See? They Looooove Pollution: Underwater Ecosytem Surrounds Discarded Rice Cooker