GIANT SQUIDS ARE GIANT. How giant ? Try 8-feet long and 100 pounds of pure, unadulterated (okay, slightly adulterated) killing machine . I’m never going to another (nude) beach again! Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish they have even started attacking humans. Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families. No wonder the giant squid are called “diablos rojos” - red devils. Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid, named after the 18th century German explorer, have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific. Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate. See? I told you we should have filled the oceans with concrete. Now we’re all as good as dead. Except me, because my rocketship is near completion and I’m getting the f*** out of here. And by getting the f*** out of here I obviously mean exploding on the launchpad, but whatever, the point is I’m gone. MAN EATING GIANT SQUID DEVOURING FISH STOCKS [express] (I love your jeans!) Thanks to Lauren!, who’s convinced they’re actually aliens from another planet. You know what? I think you’re onto something. Possibly drugs.

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Giant Squids Depleting Fish Populations, Now Turning Their Hungry Tentacles To Humans

BP recently admitted to Photoshopping a picture of their Houston-based oil spill command center to make it seem like the workers there don’t just play Minesweeper and make dead sea turtle jokes all day. Little did they know. You can’t fool the American public. ROFLOL! BP acknowledges it posted on its website an altered photo that exaggerates the activity at its Gulf oil spill command center in Houston. The picture posted over the weekend showed workers monitoring a bank of 10 giant video screens displaying underwater images. Spokesman Scott Dean says Tuesday that two screens were blank in the original picture and a staff photographer used Photoshop software to add images. He says the photographer was showing off his Photoshop skills and there was no ill intent. Damn, Mr. Photoshop! Copying an image from one monitor and pasting it on another? NOW YOU’RE JUST SHOWBOATING. Has Adobe approached you about teaching classes yet? No? Shocking . Kidding, it’s because you blow. BP’s altered photo distorts spill center activity [comcast] and BP moving into Photoshopping? [jcjanderson] Thanks to Lord Tarl and Jim, who Photoshopped a picture of themselves cutting BP’s peener off with a pair of lobster claws. I’ll admit, it’s erotic in a BSDM sorta way.

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BP Photoshops Picture To Make Oil Spill Command Center Look More Command-y

Note: This picture is small and I had to crop it click HERE to see the sadness in depressing high-resolution. This is a shot of a wave crashing in Orange Beach, Alabama . As you can see, it looks like absolute crap, which really got me thinking: there’s probably a lot of whale shit in the ocean , and I should stop drinking beach water. But it’s so salty! Eyewitness: BP oil spill [guardian] Thanks to Uncle Fester, who may or may not have touched Pugsley inappropriately (geez, just look at the guy).

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So Much For Bodysurfing: Alabama Oil Waves

There are good ideas and there are great ideas . This is a f***ing terrible one. Nuking the oil leak to cover that shit in rubble and seal it off. Plus birth Godzilla! (which, admittedly, I am for) A plan proposed to detonate a nuke to seal off that troublesome oil well is gaining support with each of BP’s failures. The Russians apparently used the tactic five times between 1966 and 1981. They went four for five. Will it ever happen? According to an anonymous source at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico — y’know, the guys and gals who created the Bomb in the first place — no. “It’s not going to happen,” continuing on with “Technically, it would be exploring new ground in the midst of a disaster — and you might make it worse.” Listen: I know James Cameron may be some kind of expert on submersibles and underwater filming, but if you’re considering atomic warheads you’re gonna need me on the team . Because I’m an atomic expert. Just sayin’, one time I nuked a hotdog for three minutes before it exploded. Nuking the oil spill, a ‘crazy’ plan that’s gathering steam [dvice]

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Smart Thinking: Okay Forget James Cameron, Let’s Just Nuke That Oil Spill! (Yes, Seriously)

For realz. On their heads . The species is only a few millimetres wide and scientists say it looks like a flying saucer with a cluster of gonads, or sex organs, on top. “It’s absolutely different from every other jellyfish that’s ever been known,” Dr Gershwin said. “So we not only put it into its own new species and its own new genus, but it’s actually a brand new family.” “Quite possibly and quite humbly the greatest discovery of my career, ever. I mean I’ll be lucky if I ever get a discovery even half as incredible again,” she said. The new species has been named Csiromedusa medeopolis, meaning “jellyfish from CSIRO” and “city of gonads”. So basically discovering the city of gonads is the highlight of Dr Gershwin’s career. That’s, uh, that’s really something. TOO BAD I ALREADY DISCOVERED IT IN COLLEGE! Been there, done that, is there a pube between my teeth, amirite? Experts astounded by ‘city of gonads’ jellyfish [abc] Thanks to Laurel, who doesn’t wear a crown of gonads because she has no interest in being the nut queen. Well let me wear it then. I SAID STOP HOGGIN’ THE BALLS!

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I’d Do It If I Could: Newly Discovered Family Of Jellyfish Wear Their Gonads Like A Crown

This full-sized blue whale website comes to us from the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society that urges everyone to “EAT MOR CHIKIN”. Kidding, those are the Chick-Fil-A cows. Damn, now I want a sandwich . Ladies? Anyway, the website was designed to give the average computer user a sense of awe for just how large the sandwich you better be making me should be. Crazy, huh? Those whales are huuuuuuge. And as a guy whose had his fair share of BBW lovers: motion of the ocean, baby. I don’t even know what that means, but I just bought a sailboat! Website Thanks to Shelby, who is a special f/x artist and could make even me look cool. On fire . While exploding. Riding a shark.

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Frickin’ Huge!: Full-Size Blue Whale Website