Seen here looking exactly how I’d imagine a piece of shit internet troll would (okay, maybe a little older), Darren Burton (aka Facebook user Nimrod Severn), is confronted by a reporter about the offensive (and often racist) comments he leaves on the memorial pages of the recently deceased. Things go about how you’d expect considering Darren is a 41-YEAR OLD with nothing better to do than troll Facebook pages . Trolls, man — they’re why we can’t have nice things. They’re always hiding under their little bridge just waiting to ruin things for everybody who has to pass over them. God, how about you stop being such a nancy and crawl out from under that bridge AND SAY IT TO SOMEBODY’S FACE. “Fine, maybe I will.” Good! “I hate you and I ha…” HOOOOOOOOOOONK! *GW drives 18-wheeler straight through butthole like a mountain tunnel* Did somebody saying something? I had my trucker music up full blast. *peels out in a blaze of chrome mudflap girls* Hit the jump for the damn, just go die bro. Living to troll ain’t f***ing living.

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Reporter Tracks Down Notoriously Racist Internet Troll

They’re not universal? Somebody sent their mom to the store for a PS3 controller and she came back with an X-Box one . So what did they do? Sent her back to exchange it without even giving her a decent lie to cover the mistake. Now it’s here on the internet for everyone to make fun of. God, she was doing you a favor, you know? You DID come out of her vagina. You could have just told her to say ‘wrong color’. You oughta be ashamed of yourself. The Infinite Agony Of Tech Retail Condensed Into One Image [nerdapproved] Thanks to Wilmersama, who doesn’t give reasons for returning things, just a stink-eye.

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Sadness: X-Box Controller Won’t Connect To PS3

Because men are constantly on the lookout for something that, if found by another human being, will forever brand them the saddest kind of pervert, somebody designed an iPad case with an integrated Fleshlight holder. For you innocent readers out there, a Fleshlight is a fake vagina. For you not so innocent readers , it’s the thing you bought in multiple colors and textures. So yeah, you watch p0rn and pretend you’re with the girl in the video or picture or whatever. Now my imagination is pretty good, but there is NO WAY my brain would ever let me pretend I was doing anything but having shameful, depressing sex with a $600 tablet and fake vagina. “I keep it real.” My brain, ladies and gentlemen. Also, remind me to never borrow my friend Dave’s iPad again. He told me it was a cupholder! NSFW Fleshlipad: The FleshLight Holder iPad Case Concept of Digital Bliss [obviouswinner] NSFW and NSFW Designer’s Site NSFW Thanks to Yoog and Jordan, who agree this is not what Steve Jobs had in mind. Like, AT ALL.

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A New Low: iPad With Integrated Fleshlight Holder

A face not even a great-grandmother could love. Seen here looking like something out of a survival horror video game , a group of recently discovered and near extinct snub-nosed monkeys are captured on film for the first time (previously: a Photoshop rendition ). Clearly they’re not endangered because of the pet trade. Heavy snows in January and constant rain in April made expeditions to set the camera traps difficult. “We were dealing with very tough conditions in a remote and rugged area that contained perhaps fewer than 200 monkeys,” said Jeremy Holden, who led the camera trapping team. “We didn’t know exactly where they lived, and I didn’t hold out much hope of short term success with this work.” But in May a small group of snub-nosed monkeys walked past one of the cameras and into history. “We were very surprised to get these pictures,” said Saw Soe Aung, a field biologist who set the cameras. “It was exciting to see that some of the females were carrying babies - a new generation of our rarest primate.” The monkeys, who are limited to a small range in Myanmar near China, are endangered due to habitat loss and hunting. Hunting — or shooting because you thought it was a demon coming to steal your soul? Because one time I spent a whole night posted up in my bedroom window shooting zombies with a BB gun and calling 911 until the cops showed up and told me it was Halloween. My bad! Hit the jump for the faceless Michael Jackson tribute monkey.

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First Photos Of The Near-Extinct Snub-Nosed Monkey

Because sometimes people actually follow through with the ideas they come up with when they’re high out of their f***ing minds, Etsy seller EBPearce is selling these beetles dressed up as characters from Jurassic Park . Unfortunately, there wasn’t one in a velociraptor costume. No bueno! Oooh oooh — what did one beetle dressed like a Jurassic Park character say to the other beetle dressed like a Jurassic Park character? “F*** this is so demeaning.” Jesus, what else IS there to say? Hit the jump for three more beetles really wishing they were born dung-rollers instead.

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Beetles Wearing Jurassic Park Character Costumes

This is a trick sandwich being sold by some unscrupulous sammy purveyor in Asia. Jesus — any crappier and it would just be bread. MOLDY bread. And a roach. For 33, This Sandwich Seems Like a Bargain [neatorama] Thanks to beebs who claims she makes the best sandwiches in the solar system. *gets weak in the knees* Marry me?

Link:
Oh That’s Low!: The World’s Crappiest Sandwich

Guys: they’re always trying to hookup with the ladies . Me? I don’t have to try, I get enough . “Heeeeeeeelp meeeeeeeeeeee.” UGH. Really, hand — in front of all my friends?! One more outburst like that and I’m gonna touch the oven. Enter a sad and lonely 19-year old Arizonian who met a girl online , then took a bus to Milwaukee to partake in a satanic threesome. It…ended poorly. Dude’s still alive though, so we can all have a laugh. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WTF were you thinking?! “I wasn’t, my penis was.” I know, that was meant to be rhetorical. …meet Rebecca Chandler (left) and Raven “Scarlett” Larrabee (right), the Milwaukee roommates who were arrested last week for allegedly binding our Arizonan friend (whom Chandler had met online) and stabbing and slashing him “in excess of 300″ times. According to Chandler, the sex and stabbing were both consensual, but “got out of hand” (at least, the stabbing did). Chandler also says that Larrabee did “the majority of” the cutting, and that Larrabee was “involved in satanic or occult activities”; in their apartment, the cops found a bunch of books that sounds like they were purchased at the local Hot Topic, including The Necromantic Ritual Book and The Werewolf’s Guide to Life (not to mention “[p]aperwork… described by police as the ‘7 Pentacles’ of planets). WOW. Did you even ask to see pictures before Greyhounding your ass to Wisconsin? Because if you did and they sent something similar to these AND YOU STILL WENT, well, you deserved everything that happened and shouldn’t be allowed to press charges. Just look at those faces, bro — of course they’re gonna f***ing stab you! Satanic Sex Ritual Threesome Not as Awesome as It Sounds [gawker] Thanks to SaraDevil, who — wait a minute…ARE YOU INTO THIS KINDA THING TOO?!

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Satanic Internet Hookup Gone Wrong (Or Right?)

Dum dum dum! Bright Blinds (concept posted back in ‘07 , now a real product) are blinds with a light behind them designed to look like a window. But when you yank the cord to actually see out the window, PRESTO! there isn’t one. Nope, you’re just staring at the hole you punched in the wall after dying in a video game and decided to cover with fake blinds instead of patching up. God you depress me . No word on price, but twirling the little twirly stick does dim & brighten the light, so let’s assume in the thousands. Product Site via Bright Blind: Great for Windowless Offices and Vampire Hotels [incrediblethings] Thanks to Court, who has a patio door with a realistic-looking landscape painted on it but when you open it, BOOM!, 8-story plummet to your death.

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Fake Blinds Do Hide Light, BUT NO WINDOW

Ever wanted to see what it looks like when a shelving unit collapses in a liquor store sending almost 7,000 bottles of adult grape juice crashing to the floor? This. This is what that looks like. Although, if it’d happened anywhere near here, you also would have also seen a guy paddle by in a canoe sucking that shit up with a wet-dry vac. You think I’m too proud to drink out of a vacuum? I’ve eaten out of them before. Hit the jump for the Jesus could’ve done it better.

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7,000 Broken Wine Bottle River In Liquor Store

Sexy finger-biting: you give it a bad name. In between getting boned or whatever scenes, p0rn stars Alana Evans and Misti Dawn are apparently hard core gamers . So what are they doing? Opening a website that combines video game reviews, playthroughs and a bunch of other garbo, but with toplessness . Now listen: I love man as much as the next boobs, but this shit sounds lame. ” Um…GW? ” I MEANT WHAT I SAID. Evans came up with the initial idea to combine pornography and game coverage, and invited Dawn to the project straight away. “Misti is probably the most dedicated gamer girl I know, so she was the obvious choice as my partner,” said Evans. The launch date - September 20 - is also no accident: Evans chose the site’s launch date to coincide with the release of Gears of War 3. “I am a huge Gears of War fan,” Evans explained. Gamers will be able to watch and communicate with Evans and Dawn in real-time via Xbox Live and PlayStation Network Call me oldschool, but I like to keep my video games and p0rn separate, you know? It’s like, until we have lifelike virtual reality sex games, why blur the line? “Pfft, what’s the worst that could happen?” HA — obviously you’ve never come home to a roommate masturbating to Resident Evil before. *ahem* Derek! NSFW NSFW PwnedByGirls Official Site NSFW NSFW via Porn Stars Start Topless Gaming Site [escapistmagazine] Thanks to Grant, who agrees the Leisure Suit Larry franchise was the perfect blend of video games and sex.

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P0rn Stars Opening Adult Content Gaming Site