This is a picture of the carved vegetable alien corpse Russian cat lady Marta Yegorovnam has been keeping in her fridge for the past two years after pulling it from the wreckage of a crashed UFO in 2009. The best part? She’s still been using the fridge for food storage. You’re f***ing nasty as shit! She says she approached the flaming wreckage and crumpled metal which she described as ‘unbearably hot’ and near the twisted hulk lay the dead alien. The ‘creature’ is two feet long, has an enormous head, large bulbous eyes and an appearance somewhere between a fish and a humanoid. It also appears to have what looks like a string-like arm protruding from its body. The footage was unearthed by noted paranormal writer and expert Michael Cohen. ["Noted" paranormal writer Michael] Cohen, 40, said: ‘This could be an elaborate hoax, however the possibility that this might be a genuine alien should not be discounted. LOL @ “this could be an elaborate hoax”. Elaborate , really? Some crazy Russian lady CARVED A F***ING WATERMELON, she didn’t orchestrate a fake moon landing. This sounds like the kind of guy who’d shit bricks if you pulled a coin out of his ear. Hit the jump for two more shots, including one with a ruler. You know, for scientific-ness.

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Another Day, Another Russian Woman Who’s Kept An Alien Corpse In Her Refrigerator For Two Years

Russia just approved a 62-mile high-speed railway tunne l that will connect Soviet Russia and Alaska. Why? I have no idea, but if premium vodka prices mysteriously bottom out here in the U.S., well, I’d be okay with that. The Russian government has given the go-ahead on an ambitious new tunnel project that could connect Siberia with Alaska via an underground rail line. If completed, the $65 billion project will be the longest underwater tunnel in the world, besting the Chunnel between England and France by twice the distance. The planned course would stretch over 65 miles and would snake beneath the Big and Little Diomede Islands. Aside from being a civil engineering marvel, the tunnel would also provide an efficient way to move 100 million tons of freight per year. In addition, the tunnel could provide an easy transmission route for electricity developed by tidal energy stations and wind plants in Russia to Alaska and Canada. In addition, the rail system would complete a high-speed network that could stretch from London to New York City. There’s currently no plan for passenger travel through the tunnel, so if you’re looking to cross the Strait, you’re still gonna have to do it the old fashioned way: in the hollowed out belly of a frozen elk carcass. Trust me, I took social studies. Road Trip! Russia approves tunnel to Alaska under Bering Strait [autoblog] Thanks to JGD, who tried to get the permits to be shot out of a cannon across the Bering Strait and Russia was all “GO FOR IT, BROSKI!” but America was all, “hmm, I dunno…”. LAME.

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The Ruskies Are Coming!: Russia Approves Bering Strait Underwater Tunnel To Alaska

Note: Video possibly NSFW depending on how your employer feels about a couple f-bombs. Audio is naturally low though so I say go for it. This is a video of some crazy Ruskie (whose accent alone makes the video worth a watch) demonstrating the effects different caliber bullets have on water-filled milk jugs. He does a 9mm , 38-special, .357, .45 and 12-gauge shotgun (just for the hell of it). After watching, I’ve decided I definitely don’t want to get hit with anything bigger than a 38. Shoot me all day with a 9mm, that’s fine, but I’m not taking a .357 even in the buttcheeks. Shit, or a flu-shot for that matter. Now you can call me old fashioned, but I’d like to leave this world with as many holes in my ass as I came in with: two-and-a-half (one doesn’t actually go anywhere). Hit the jump for more fun than a vodka bottle.

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Ruskie Shooting Water-Filled Milk Jugs Point-Blank With Guns Of Varying Calibers

This is some Russian man’s giant CPU collection laid out on the bed he pretends to have sex in. Great job, guy. I collect baby teeth bottle caps! Largest private collection of CPUs has been discovered upon one Russian guy has posted a message on a forum. His message says “here is my humble collection for you” and then listed something more than one thousand of different types of computer processors he collected. There are ones from the old times and as well as modern ones, the lost and seemed never coming back relics of Soviet Russian genuine processors that preceded Intel world dominance and many other interesting findings he had. Damn, that’s one tough looking geek. I love his pose, it’s like he’s whispering, “Which one of you ladies can I make queen of my central processing kingdom? Any takers? I don’t know if you saw, but I also have a canister vac .” Hit the jump for several more shots of the “in Soviet Russia, C processes U”. *swish*

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Are Those CPU’s In Your Bed Or Are You Just Happy Your Robotic Love Doll Exploded?

This is a short video of the keyboard throwing portion of the Soviet Special Olympics. Now I don’t want to ruin it for you, but suffice it to say contestant number three gets disqualified . And not for doping either, although you and I both know he was on the vodkas . I don’t care what they say, alcohol IS a performance enhancing drug. I do everything better when I’ve been drinking, including look handsome. *running fingers through hair* Haha, is this vomit? Hit it for the QWERTY fun.

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Soviet Special Olympics: Keyboard Tossing

Okay so maybe the asteroid isn’t actually earth bound, but it could be. You see, nobody can agree on how serious a threat the rock poses. I say laser the shit out of it. Then laser all the little pieces. Then blast me in the eyes. If I can’t see the end of the world I don’t wanna see anything! Russia’s space agency chief said Wednesday a spacecraft may be dispatched to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of earth impact, even though U.S. scientists say such a scenario is unlikely. When the 270-meter (885-foot) asteroid was first discovered in 2004, astronomers estimated its chances of smashing into Earth in its first flyby, in 2029, at 1-in-37. Further studies have ruled out the possibility of an impact in 2029, when the asteroid is expected to come no closer than 18,300 miles (29,450 kilometers) from Earth’s surface, but they indicated a small possibility of a hit on subsequent encounters. NASA had put the chances that Apophis could hit Earth in 2036 as 1-in-45,000. In October, after researchers recalculated the asteroid’s path, the agency changed its estimate to 1-in-250,000. What is this, football? Why do the odds keep changing? Because this shit’s all fun and games until the day the asteroid’s supposed to hit and the odds drop to 1-in-0.5. Then what? We all bone till we burn up, that’s what. *high-five* Going out like the dinosaurs! Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid [yahoonews]

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Russia To Blow Up Earth-Bound Asteroid

Everyone knows being a drummer kind of sucks. You sit in the back and watch the singer take all the credit. The guitar player’s always stealing your lady (unless you’re Mick Fleetwood ). Your gear is HEAVY and, most importantly, no one ever wants to help you schlep it around. Created by a Russian percussionist who was — I’m guessing — tired of setting up and taking down his kit at every gig, the “Moto Drum” is pure genius. More photos at English Russia .

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As If Keeping Time Weren’t Difficult Enough…

So apparently Russia has been holding the Miss Atom contest since 2004 and I have yet to be a guest judge. That’s some sauce, Russia . Vodka sauce. Anyways, here is Miss Atom 2009, Yekaterina Bulgakova, who was picked out of the 350 contestants that all work in the Russian nuclear power sector. Nice. Now I know what you’re thinking, and yes, I was hoping for three boobs too. Official Site via Russia selects Nuclear Beauties 2009 [mosnews] Thanks to Void, who slept with like thirty of the contests and now glows in the dark.

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Miss Atom 2009: Nuclear Power In My Pants

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In Russia, Case Mods You

Apparently some guy was huffing pinecones when he accidentally snorted a bud into his lungs , where it grew into a little tree . Please note: man was not actually snorting pinecones, I just made that up for the sake of providing you with the highest quality investigative journalism. Also, I don’t know know if you could tell or not, but I made that graphic using Photoshop. Elite skills: I’m full of them. But hopefully, not evergreens . Artyom Sidorkin, came to a hospital in the city of Izhevsk in Central Russia last week, complaining that he was experiencing chest pain and coughing up blood. After submitting to an X-ray the doctors saw a lump in the patient’s lung. After a biopsying the lump the doctors pulled out a 5 centimeter fir tree branch out of his lung, complete with needles. Sick! At least he didn’t swallow it though. Because one time I swallowed a pumpkin seed and then several months later pissed a jack-o-lantern, complete with cut-out face and candle. Boy did I feel 8 pounds lighter! Hit the jump for a graphic shot of the tree and partial lung after removal. NOT recommended for lunch viewing.

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Gross!: Man Grows Small Fir Tree In Lung