This is the Nokia HumanForm, a nonexistent phone that, despite the name, doesn’t look anything like a person. It’s just a concept by Nokia , presumably because they f***ed up and ordered a bunch of oblong parts from a supplier and plan on passing them off to consumers. I’m on to you, Nokia! No I’m not, that was just a guess. There’s a video after the jump highlighting all of the HumanForm’s futuristic features like gesture interaction, entirely touch-sensitive case, flex controls, electro-tactile “image feeling”, mood recognition, non-verbal communication, and more that’s pretty much it. Plus it’s shaped like a dildo. Seriously, Nokia — a dildo phone? Thanks but no thanks — I’m holding out for a buttplug one. Get it? Because I’m a dude. Hit the jump for the video.

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Nokia’s Wack-Ass Flexible Cell Phone Concept

This is a Nokia viral ad for their N8 phone featuring the world’s largest stop-motion animation, which was made on a beach using a crane (that’s a real boat in the picture). It’s a follow-up to their world’s smallest stop-motion animation and NOT a follow up to the job interview I had on Monday, which probably isn’t coming (I called the dude a pecker and threatened to choke him out with a computer cord when he asked for references). ‘Gulp’ is a short film created by Sumo Science at Aardman, depicting a fisherman going about his daily catch. Shot on location at Pendine Beach in South Wales, every frame of this stop-motion animation was shot using a Nokia N8, with its 12 megapixel camera and Carl Zeiss optics. The film has broken a world record for the ‘largest stop-motion animation set’, with the largest scene stretching over 11,000 square feet. Damn, that thing has a 12-megapixel camera? What’s my iPhone have on it? “A shit-ton of pics of your balls?” Haha, you know it! Hit the jump for the video, as well as a ‘making-of’ if you’re curious.

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World’s Largest Stop Motion Animation Film

Nielsen reports on market share for smartphones in the US , with an interesting split between domination for OS and domination by actual device. Google Android is currently the top operating system, at 39 percent, with Apples iOS at 28 percent, and the RIM Blackberry at 20 percent. “However, because Apple is the only company manufacturing smartphones with the iOS operating system, it is clearly the top smartphone manufacturer in the United States.” iPhone has 28% of the market. All of this is based on June, 2011 data.

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Smartphone wars: In US, iPhone is top device, while Android is top OS

This is a shot from a Samsung cell phone’s instruction manual (they still come with those?!) that explains how to make fake calls to “get out of meetings or unwanted conversations ” (read: “pretend you have friends”). That said, I do this kind of thing all the time to impress people at the bar with my fame. *Hello — [insert celebrity name]? Hoho, how you been ol’ bean? How’s the fam? Oh you know, the uje — just having a drank or twenty. Had sex in the trunk of a car again yesterday, that was pretty crazy. And not just with the spare tire this time! Haha, yeah, there was a roadside emergency kit too. You know, we should really collaborate on a project sometime soon, really rake in those millions. Anyway, gotta run — chow, dahling! * “GW, please tell me you don’t have those conversations holding a empty soup-can to your ear”. WHAT THE HELL DO YOU TAKE ME FOR?! It’s an empty artichoke jar. *bring-bring!* Sorry, I need to take this. Built-In Cellphone Feature of the Day [thedailywh.at]

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Samsung Cell Phone’s ‘Fake Call’ Feature

Did anybody else know there was a bed in that thing ? Because I didn’t. Of course, you could write a small pamphlet about all the the things I don’t know. Sike! They’d all fit on one side of a Post-It . Anyway, some talented craftsman is selling the Tardis pull-out bed he made for his son because he’s grown up and doesn’t want to sleep in a phone-booth time-machine spaceship anymore. ????? YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD TO SLEEP IN A PHONE-BOOTH TIME-MACHINE SPACESHIP! Are you, Doctor? Doctor? *poking with a Sonic Screwdriver * Uh-oh. I am personally endorsed by Sir Richard Taylor of Weta Workshop, for being a multitalented artist including restoration, of just about anything and exquisite one off handmade models. Sir Richard has my models in his collection in the foya of Weta Impressive. Unfortunately for your kids, bidding is already up to $3,200 New Zealand (~$2,400 US) with eight days bidding remaining. So yeah, looks like it’s back to sleeping in the barn for them. Haha, you thought I didn’t know?! One time I saw little Jimmy with a piece of straw in his hair and figured it out! Just kidding, he told me he sleeps in the barn. Doctor Who Tardis bed handmade [trademe] (with a bunch more pictures and info about the actual construction/features) via Badass Homemade Bed of the Day [thedailywh.at]

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Up For Auction: Dr. Who TARDIS Murphy Bed

Note: Video (actually just audio) is after the jump because we respect our elders here on the front page. This is an audio recording of somebody’s grandma calling tech support asking how to remove the playable Pac-Man demo that Google put on its homepage for a day celebrating the game’s 25th anniversary (which you can still play HERE ). I love old people, but the call’s actually pretty funny. And by funny I mean sad. Really f***ing sad. Hit it for six minutes of feeling bad for an old lady (plus tech rep).

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Grandma?: Woman Calls Tech Support Over Google’s Pac-Man Game On The Homepage

Damn, how sexy is that?! If you answered, “wow, not one bit, I think I even vomited a little”, congratulations, you might still have some taste and decency after all. I always thought iPhones were feminine anyways with their smooth lines and all. No, the last phone made with any REAL balls was my old Pronto pager. That thing was a hoss! Besides, what happens if you accidentally lick your iPhone’s balls when you’re making a call? You look super gay. Well … this just disturbs the piss out of me. [hothotjapanhot] via iPhone balls? [buzzfeed]

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I Don’t Get It, I Really Don’t: iPhone Ballz

Allegedly some Dutch guy’s iPhone spontaneously combusted in his passenger seat when he stepped away from his vehicle to fix a windmill and make a pair of wooden shoes. Per the translation: Pieter from Leiden had this afternoon, unfortunately the Dutch premiere of his iPhone 3G spontaneously started burning. His iPhone 3G was on the passenger’s seat in standby mode and not the charger. By returning to his car came thick black smoke through the door to the outside and the cause was his iPhone 3G in spontaneously fire was flown. Besides a total devastated iPhone 3G Pieter has also considerable damage to his car. Pieter has direct contact with Apple Netherlands and T-mobile but n och Apple or T-mobile still take some responsibility. Hey, weirder things have happened. I can’t think of any right now but I’m sure they have. Well, there was this one time I parked my car, opened the door, and there was a $10 SITTING RIGHT THERE. Explain that one without aliens. Exactly, you can’t. Hit the jump for two more shots of the damage.

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iPhone Allegedly Catches Fire, Ruins Upholstry