Note: Some bad words when he reads what his daughter posted on Facebook. This is a video of North Carolina father Tommy Jordan smoking a cigarette and reading the anti-parent rant his daughter posted about he and his wife on Facebook . Then he talks about it. Then, around the 7:00 mark, he starts putting holes in her laptop with a firearm. Whether you agree or disagree with his parenting style, you have to admit I need one of those hats. Hit the jump for 22nd century parenting.

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Shootout At The PC Corral: Dad Blasts Holes In Daughter’s Laptop For Anti-Parent Facebook Rant

This is an AR-15 assault rifle with attached battery-driven chainsaw and decked out with a unicorn motif . I love rainbows and stickers! I’m not sure if it’s FOR hunting unicorns or what, but I did just buy one and make my roommate run around the apartment with a party hat on his forehead while I shot him in the ass. “YOU DID WHAT?!” Haha, it was kinda loud for a BB gun. “AR-15’s AREN’T BB GUNS!” Sooooooooo — he’s not faking? Hit the jump for a couple more shots and a video demo of the last thing the last unicorn ever saw coming.

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OMG AR-15 Unicorn With Attached Chainsaw

This is a video of a kid in a sleeveless t-shirt extracting one of his own teeth with a Nerf bow & arrow. He…is way tougher than I was at his age. He asks his dad if it’s gonna hurt , his dad tells him he doesn’t know, and then the kid blasts his tooth across the room without another word. I would have been all, “Seriously dad, is it?! I don’t think I really want to do it anymore.” My point is this: that kid is probably wasteful as shit at an all-you-can-eat buffet because there is no way those googly eyes aren’t bigger than his stomach. Hit the jump for the mine always came out when I was eating and I swallowed them. Haha, work for those teeth, Tooth Fairy!

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Tough: Kid Extracting Own Tooth With Nerf Gun

A new anti-riot laser rifle capable of producing a 3-meter (~10-ft) wall of temporarily-blinding light is set to be tested by British police forces in the coming months. If successful, rioting will become a thing of the past. Just kidding, but anarchy will require specialized eyewear. Designed by a former Royal Marine Commando, it was originally developed for use against pirates in Somalia. “The system would give police an intimidating visual deterrent. If you can’t look at something you can’t attack it.” Being targeted by the beam has been compared to staring into the sun before being forced to turn away. Although the blinding effect is only temporary part of the trial will see scientists carry out further research on any potential side-effects. Yeaaaaaaaah, that sounds like the kind of temporary blindness that could lead to permanent blindness. Thanks but no thanks, riot laser. If I go blind it’s gonna be from masturbating like nature intended. Police test for riot laser that can temporarily blind [bbcnews] Thanks to Peter, who agrees the best way to prevent riots is to not have any professional sports teams.

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New Anti-Riot Laser Rifle Produces ‘10-Ft Wall Of Light’, Temporary Blindness

This is a video of a guy playing Battlefield 3 when he ejects out of his plane, rocket-launches an enemy jet , then gets back in his and flies off. “So just like the title said?” EXACTLY like the title said, except set to the A-Team theme song. You think anybody could actually do this in real life? “Absolutely not.” What if the pilot was wearing a jetpack? “No.” But what if it was Harry Potter? “I’m leaving.” But we haven’t even played footsie! Hit the jump for the video, plus a longer one of dude doing it over and over and over again.

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Battlefield 3: The Old "Jump Out Of Your Plane, Rocket Launch An Enemy’s, Then Get Back In Yours" Move

I know the screencap is kind of blurry, but those are guns in the air. Also, THE LEAST COOL PLACE I CAN THINK OF TO PERFORM YOUR METAL GEAR SOLID GUNSPINNING ROUTINE. “Hey mom — don’t come in the living room for the next five minutes.” God, go outside and stand in front of a tree or something, shit! Hit the jump for this guy and a bunch of others, only one of which doesn’t take place in a sad looking bedroom.

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Nice Shootin’ Tex: Guy Recreates Ocelot’s Metal Gear Solid Gunspinning Routines

There comes a time in every young man’s life when he receives his first soldering iron . To me, that day feels like it was just yesterday. “That was yesterday — you f***ing stole it out of my toolbox .” Haha — finders keepers! About 1983, when I was fifteen, I dropped my dad’s red Bakelite soldering gun and broke the casing. Of course he was upset, so I did my best to “fix it.” So I took my original Star Wars Han Solo pistol and gutted it to hold the soldering gun components. I even ran the lightbulb up into the scope on top. The button on the handle worked well for the trigger switch. Ten years later, when the old house was sold, the gun wound up in my belongings. To this day, when an underpowered iron just won’t do, I pull out the “Han Solderer” and get the job done. Half of me likes the mod, the other half is ill over the fact that I gutted my vintage Star Wars toy. What’s done is done. Sure you gutted your vintage Star Wars toy, but you made it even better . Just like I did with this gutted deer carcass. See? Before it was just a deer. But now — now it’s a gutted deer carcass sleeping bag . Tauntaun tie-in? I think so! A picture of what the original 1977 Blaster toy looked like before modification after the jump.

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Now You’re Soldering Solo Style!: Vintage Han Solo Blaster Toy Modded Into Soldering Iron

This is The Matrix ‘lobby scene’ with the music and sound effects replaced with those made by some guy’s mouth and a multi-track recording . It’s…something. Something that made me make a strange face while I was watching it. Get it?! I was air-fellating, it was weird! Hit the jump for more PYEWS! than you could shake a raygun at and be all ‘put the money in the bag and nobody gets hurt’.

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The Matrix: Now With Acapella Sound Effects

This is a giant-ass Millennium Falcon beanbag chairbed. I would sleep on it. But I’d also eat on it, because I’m a disgusting fatbody. True story: when I was doing my quarterly bed laundry this weekend I found a turkey drumstick, half a piece of pizza (sans crust), two Fruit Roll-Ups and an unopened pudding-pack in the tuck at the bottom. I had a feast . “You’re sick.” No, I’m full is what I am. “OF SHIT!” *dancing* I know but I’m trying to wait till I’m home to go! Millennium Falcon Beanbag of the Day [geeks.thedailywh.at] Thanks to Jaded (ditto) and aaron, who sleep face down on the carpet like nature intended. Nature, or alcoholism? Pass out on my sofa with your shoes on and get a complimentary schlong Sharpie’d across your forehead on Faceybooks and Tweeter

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Ever Made Love In Less Than 12-Parsecs?: An 8-Ft Millennium Falcon Beanbag Chairbed

Smooth move Cyclops, now the building’s on fire. Because what good is science if we can’t all shoot lasers out of our eyeballs and take staring contests to a whole new level , researchers have successfully spliced jellyfish DNA into human cells, allowing them to produce biological lasers. It’s gonna be like a giant game of Asteroids happening inside you! All it takes to make a laser is something that lights up, plus a structure that can amplify and focus that light into a coherent beam. In the case of these biolasers, human kidney cells have been genetically enhanced to produce the proteins that make jellyfish glow. These glowing cells were stuck between two tiny mirrors barely bigger than the cell itself, and when the cell was energized with blue light through a microscope, it fired out a bright green directional laser beam that was visible to the naked eye, just like a little laser pointer. BOOSH, laser pointer eyes. I have no concept what purpose they’d serve besides looking cool, but isn’t that the most important purpose anyway? It is. *trying to find straw my with tongue without looking* Scientists combine humans with jellyfish to create living lasers [dvice] Thanks to Eli, who’s worried Cyclops might not feel so special anymore.

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Humans + Jellyfish DNA = Laser Vision?