Cats : they’re supposed to stand on all four feet. Granted sometimes they’ll sit on three with a back one in the air and lick their genitals in front of company, but that’s because they’re terrible hosts. Dammit Archimedes — at least set out the hors d’ oeuvres first! Recently, there have been sightings of bipedal Frankenfelines , and this is another. Except this guy doesn’t actually go anywhere, he just stands there . It’s like how they teach you if you’re ever surrounded by hyenas you’re supposed to hold your hands above your head so they think you’re too tall to f*** with. What? I was raised in the bush . Just kidding, but I did work in a Lowe’s home & garden department one summer. Hit the jump for the OH HELLLLLLLL NO, YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANCE! (instance is the new instant fyi)

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Get Down From There!: Devil Cat Learns To Stand

This is Frank & Louie (presumably after Frank & Stein), a 12-year old cat born with two faces and mouths, and three eyes. He just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the longest-lived Janus cat (named after the Roman god of transitions because of the two faces and all). But worry not — there’s no need to shed a trio of tears for the kitty , apparently he’s healthy and happy despite the fact his owner takes him for walks on a leash (oh come on — he’s a cat, lady!). Regardless, I think we can all agree that not only did Frank & Louie just win his way into the record books, but our hearts things to think about to subdue an awkward boner as well. Meow! Hit the jump for a video of two faces I’m not totally convinced yet a mother could love.

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Aww, I Love Ya You Little Freak!: Frank & Louie, The 12-Year Old Two-Faced Cat

Convinced your cat is musically inclined? You’re f***ing crazy. Regardless, you should still buy it a $23 Cat Scratch Turntable from SUCK UK, if only to provide me with some new Youtube content to watch. OMG, you’ve got to see this — this cat thinks it’s a DJ ! *screaming at computer* Hey — HEY CAT — YOU’RE A CAT, BRO, YOU CAN’T MIX MUSIC! I swear, cats can be so stupid. “…You were just trying to talk to one through a Youtube video.” I know, because he was being dumb! Hit the jump for a couple more product shots and a link to the purchase page.

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DJ Meow Mix: Scratching Turntables For Cats

I actually used to have a cat that was retardis — miss you Little Man. This is a half-scale Dr. Who TARDIS cat house lovingly built by woodworking-wonder Astromark for his kitty Kaylee because, I dunno, I guess cats are really spoiled these days. I remember a time just a couple years ago when you could give a cat an empty soda box and they felt like they’d lost all nine lives and gone to heaven. Now you ding a crystal glass with a dessert fork and they come running at their leisure and are all, “Fancy Feast, seriously? I’m shitting in your shoes tonight, @$$hole. ” Hit the jump for a bunch more of the finished product, including an interior shot that admittedly does look a lot bigger than the outside would lead you to believe.

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I Would Play In That!: A TARDIS Cat House

Seen here after successfully fetching a 20oz soda (God, get him a toy!), Naki’o shows off his moon-boot prosthetic paws . Naki’o is the first dog to have all four paws replaced with prosthetics , and refuses to let the mailman go easy on him . The sob story, which you might want to skip if you’re an easy crier: Naki’o was abandoned as a puppy when his owners left their foreclosed home. During the Nebraskan winter, he stepped into an icy puddle in the home’s basement and got all four of his paws trapped in the freezing water. With severe frostbite, Naki’0 and the rest of his litter were transported to an animal rescue center. Veterinary technician Christie Tomlinson adopted Naki’o, and organized a fundraiser to pay for his two back legs to be fitted with the prosthetics. He came through the procedure so well that Orthopets decided to donate the remaining two prosthetic legs. The prosthetics are designed to replicate the muscle and bone structure of the dog’s natural limbs. BOOM — happy ending. Now I don’t want to go off the deep end about WTF is wrong with people who don’t treat animals (and their allegedly loved pets) with any compassion, so I’ll just say this: I will find you, and I will kill you. Also, when they start fitting dogs with rocket boots we’ve gone too far. Hit the jump for a short video of Rompy McHopper in action.

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Nice Moon Boots, Bro: The First Dog Fitted With Prosthetic Paws On All Four Feet

You know how they say people look like their dogs ? That’s because most people are ugly (alternatively: pugly ). I don’t look anything like my dog . I look like something Michelangelo would have carved out of marble with a diamond dong, and she looks like she’s licking her vaj and doesn’t care if I’m watching WHICH I’M TRYING NOT TO. Pedigree’s New Zealand branch hired design agency Colenso BBDO to come up with a new way to get the word out on pup adoptions. Using the idea that dog owners tend to look like their pets, Colenso teamed up with NEC to develop Doggelgnger, “Human to canine pairing software, designed to connect real homeless dogs to their human doubles.” You can go to the site and use your webcam or an uploaded photo to see what dogs you look like, which, SPOILER: ugly ones. At least that’s what it gave me and I’m what 4/5 dentists gynecologists would describe as “devilishly handsome” and “not supposed to be in here”. Hit the jump for a couple more shots and the link to try it for yourself.

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Doggelgnger Facial Recognition Matches You With An Adoptable Pet That Looks Like You

Seen here about to learn the hard way that kitty kisses are only for people who like the taste of cat ass, Data spends a tender moment with his cat Spot. And this is rap about Spot set to Dr. Dre’s ‘Forgot about Dre’, as edited by Dan Bull from a poem Data recites in the season six Next Generation episode, ‘Schisms’. I was so inspired I just wrote one about my dog Chloe, set to the very same rap. ? Hey Chlo-e, still the same ol’ d with no pedigree hated on by most of these purebreeds with no treats, no love, no fetch, no collar and no squeaks no walks, no park and a bunch of fleas mad at you cause you can finally afford to lay around & sleep ? Hit the jump for the video and a picture of Chloe cause she’s always wanted to be internet famous. I’ll get around to recording her version eventually.

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Data From Star Trek TNG Raps About His Cat

This is Hachi. Hachi is an Akita/Chow mix that was badly burned in a house fire, leaving him looking like a Terminator . A TERMINATOR THAT JUST MELTED MY HEART INTO A PUDDLE. County fire fighters brought Hachi into Affordable Animal Hospital in Torrance with third-degree burns covering over 60 to 70 percent of his body. He was nothing but a sweetheart from the time he was carried in - black and charred with the pads of his feet literally falling off. Luckily, he responded well to treatment and luckily for someone else, he is ever so sweet. He will make a certain someone or family a very special companion. He is loyal and a totally devoted animal. Much of the burn areas covering his face and body will never grow hair back, there is not much left of his ears either… but we are looking for someone who can overlook what many may find unsightly on the outside to see what a jewel he is on the inside and be reminded of all those that are good in the world: * Fire fighters willing to risk their own lives for that of another and especially that of “just a dog.” * The vets, technicians, groomers and staff at Affordable Animal Hospital that helped him along in his recovery. * The county shelter for footing the bill of this special dog’s lengthy road back to health. Hachi is ready and waiting for a home as special as he is. Okay, who’s crying? Because I can’t even see my monitor that’s how bad that got me. For a second I actually thought I was underwater. Now, somebody (CAPABLE AND NOT A DIPSHIT) go adopt this dog or I’m not writing for the rest of the day. “You wouldn’t!” HA — you think I won’t just go out drinking and forget about you people?! Do it every night. Hit the jump for a closeup of Hachi’s face and a link to his Petfinder page if you live in or around El Segundo, CA and want to give Hachi a new lease on life.

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HELP: Terminator Dog Needs Adopting

Charlie is a 14-year old kitty that had to have the tip of his nose and ears removed due to skin cancer. He’s fine now except the animal shelter he’s at fears he’ll never get adopted because he looks like Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series. Really? I’m surprised some crazy cat lady hasn’t adopted him because he looks like Voldemort and would complete her live Harry Potter pet collection. You’re sick and you need to get better, lady! Workers at the Blue Cross animal charity say visitors have been scared off by the white cat’s resemblance to Ralph Fiennes’ character in the blockbuster movies. And the similarities don’t end there as Charlie must now live in solitude since he fell out with other animals at the sanctuary. Now he sits alone, staring out of his castle cage, waiting to be freed. ‘He looks you in the eye when you talk to him, loves fuss, lots of tickles and cuddles and wants to be near you. *sobbing* GOD I’LL TAKE HIM, OKAY?! You see, I don’t know anything about the Harry Potter series because I and most REAL WIZARDS don’t appreciate that no-blood puggle or whatever Miss Rowlings spouting off about things she obviously knows nothing about. ONLY WITCHES KNOW MAGIC! *readying the fire* So, what’s it gonna be: Liar? Or witch? Choose carefully but we still burn both. UPDATE : Charlie has been adopted by a woman who does not give a shit about Harry Potter. Hit the jump for several more shots, including one of Lord Voldemort for comparison. The nose, similarity ends at the nose.

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Cat That Looks Like Harry Potter’s Lord Voldemort Has Trouble Getting Adopted

Would totally catch ‘em all. (Does that make me a hoarder?) This is actually a friend of a friend’s cat that was amazingly born with the color and markings of Pikachu . KIDDING YO THAT SHIT IS SHOPPED TO FUUUUUUUUUU. It is a friend of a friend’s cat though. I might steal it. Picture Thanks to Wehrwolf, who used to have a dog that looked like Squirtle. UGLY DOG WAS UGLY. And to the Candy Queen, who can produce all-red Skittles with a single wave of her scepter. OMG your majesty — pleaaaaaase hit me in the mouth!

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WOULD CATCH, SNUGGLE: PokKitty