Sorry for the lack of posting, folks — this week is already turning into a giant shitfest. So please, bear with me. “GRAWR!” Haha, that was great — now pretend you’re swiping at a beehive! Geekologie Reader Joe’s friend Leah is a dog groomer and decided to shave the Rebel Alliance logo into her dog . This is it. No word what kind of dog that is, but my guess is an unhappy one. Kidding! You KNOW all the other dogs in the neighborhood are jealous. They’d probably pass up on a treat just to smell its ass! Picture Thanks to Joe, who agrees it would take a lightsaber to groom you and I. Get it? Because we’re still playing bear!

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Use The Clippers, Luke: Rebel Alliance Shaved Dog

This is a lil hamster wheel powered submarine. It was made out of a 3-liter soda bottle and — wait. 3-LITER SODA BOTTLES?! Did anybody else not know about this? And, more importantly, do they come in red cream soda. Mmmm, love that shit. It’s way better than regular cream soda because it’s red . It’s the red that makes it so good. Like if Hawaiian Punch was clear that shit would suuuuuuck . Remember clear Pepsi? Of course you do, it SUCKED HARD. No hamsters were harmed in the making of this video. They did sink a battleship full of gerbils though. Hit the jump for a short, crap-quality video and a link to the build page with more info.

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Dive Dive Dive!: A Lil’ Hamster Powered Submarine

This is a video of a bearded dragon playing Ant Crusher on a smart phone with his tongue . He…is good. It’s kind of sad though because he always licks his lips after eating an ant except it never tastes like ant, it tastes like his owner doesn’t wash his hands after going to the bathroom. Hit the jump for a video of the zero-calorie diet in progress.

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Skills: Lizard Playing ‘Ant Crusher’ On Smart Phone

Seen here trying to concentrate while Superman is in the background being all, “RAWR, behold my magnificent tits!”, Togepi the cockatiel sings the Super Mario Bros. theme song . I’m not sure if the bird’s caretaker actually taught the bird the song or just played enough Mario that it picked it up on its own, but come on, you and I both know people only teach birds cuss words and fart sounds. Hit the jump for the bideo (bideo is the new bird video fyi).

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Polly Want A Controller?: Birds Sings Mario Theme

HP refused to service Chris’s busted, warranty-covered Elitebook, because a small quantity of cat hair in the fan and on the board constituted a “biological hazard.” He seemed to relent later, and he pretty much agreed with me, so he talked to his supervisor (to make an appeal). Then he gets back on the phone with me and says that the supervisor said that there was SO MUCH cat hair that it’s considered a biological hazard. That’s absolutely ridiculous, and he wouldn’t even give me the number for his supervisor or transfer me to him (why not?). I probably have more cat hair on my shirt than what was in the laptop. Am I a walking “biological hazard”? I don’t think so. Why don’t they lock me up and throw me in jail for sending such a dangerous computer into HP’s service center? Oh wait… because that’s just an excuse to get out of a warranty. Cat hair or not, I just want my computer fixed. It’s a manufacturing defect, and it just so happens that the laptop is sprinkled with a bit of hair. Can Owning A Cat Void Your HP Warranty?

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HP: cat hair is a "biological hazard," voids your warranty

Cats : they’re supposed to stand on all four feet. Granted sometimes they’ll sit on three with a back one in the air and lick their genitals in front of company, but that’s because they’re terrible hosts. Dammit Archimedes — at least set out the hors d’ oeuvres first! Recently, there have been sightings of bipedal Frankenfelines , and this is another. Except this guy doesn’t actually go anywhere, he just stands there . It’s like how they teach you if you’re ever surrounded by hyenas you’re supposed to hold your hands above your head so they think you’re too tall to f*** with. What? I was raised in the bush . Just kidding, but I did work in a Lowe’s home & garden department one summer. Hit the jump for the OH HELLLLLLLL NO, YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANCE! (instance is the new instant fyi)

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Get Down From There!: Devil Cat Learns To Stand

This is Frank & Louie (presumably after Frank & Stein), a 12-year old cat born with two faces and mouths, and three eyes. He just made it into the Guinness Book of World Records for being the longest-lived Janus cat (named after the Roman god of transitions because of the two faces and all). But worry not — there’s no need to shed a trio of tears for the kitty , apparently he’s healthy and happy despite the fact his owner takes him for walks on a leash (oh come on — he’s a cat, lady!). Regardless, I think we can all agree that not only did Frank & Louie just win his way into the record books, but our hearts things to think about to subdue an awkward boner as well. Meow! Hit the jump for a video of two faces I’m not totally convinced yet a mother could love.

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Aww, I Love Ya You Little Freak!: Frank & Louie, The 12-Year Old Two-Faced Cat

Convinced your cat is musically inclined? You’re f***ing crazy. Regardless, you should still buy it a $23 Cat Scratch Turntable from SUCK UK, if only to provide me with some new Youtube content to watch. OMG, you’ve got to see this — this cat thinks it’s a DJ ! *screaming at computer* Hey — HEY CAT — YOU’RE A CAT, BRO, YOU CAN’T MIX MUSIC! I swear, cats can be so stupid. “…You were just trying to talk to one through a Youtube video.” I know, because he was being dumb! Hit the jump for a couple more product shots and a link to the purchase page.

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DJ Meow Mix: Scratching Turntables For Cats

I actually used to have a cat that was retardis — miss you Little Man. This is a half-scale Dr. Who TARDIS cat house lovingly built by woodworking-wonder Astromark for his kitty Kaylee because, I dunno, I guess cats are really spoiled these days. I remember a time just a couple years ago when you could give a cat an empty soda box and they felt like they’d lost all nine lives and gone to heaven. Now you ding a crystal glass with a dessert fork and they come running at their leisure and are all, “Fancy Feast, seriously? I’m shitting in your shoes tonight, @$$hole. ” Hit the jump for a bunch more of the finished product, including an interior shot that admittedly does look a lot bigger than the outside would lead you to believe.

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I Would Play In That!: A TARDIS Cat House

Seen here after successfully fetching a 20oz soda (God, get him a toy!), Naki’o shows off his moon-boot prosthetic paws . Naki’o is the first dog to have all four paws replaced with prosthetics , and refuses to let the mailman go easy on him . The sob story, which you might want to skip if you’re an easy crier: Naki’o was abandoned as a puppy when his owners left their foreclosed home. During the Nebraskan winter, he stepped into an icy puddle in the home’s basement and got all four of his paws trapped in the freezing water. With severe frostbite, Naki’0 and the rest of his litter were transported to an animal rescue center. Veterinary technician Christie Tomlinson adopted Naki’o, and organized a fundraiser to pay for his two back legs to be fitted with the prosthetics. He came through the procedure so well that Orthopets decided to donate the remaining two prosthetic legs. The prosthetics are designed to replicate the muscle and bone structure of the dog’s natural limbs. BOOM — happy ending. Now I don’t want to go off the deep end about WTF is wrong with people who don’t treat animals (and their allegedly loved pets) with any compassion, so I’ll just say this: I will find you, and I will kill you. Also, when they start fitting dogs with rocket boots we’ve gone too far. Hit the jump for a short video of Rompy McHopper in action.

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Nice Moon Boots, Bro: The First Dog Fitted With Prosthetic Paws On All Four Feet