This is the Toshiba Smarbo (more like Stupibo amirite?!), a robotic vacuum cleaner designed to compete against iRobot’s Roomba . Except this one costs $1,200. Call me old fashioned, but I still like pushing around a $100 vacuum . Well, I don’t like doing it, I just have to when the vomit dries and can finally be picked up. Well, technically I don’t have to, it’s just that I’m a neat freak. Jk jk — just a regular freak. This little cleaning bot has two CPUs, though we don’t know what kind, a camera, and 38 sensors that cover things like gyro, acceleration, range detection and more. According to Toshiba, the Smarbo will clean an area of 100sqm in about 90 minutes. If you are worried about electrical usage you’ll be happy to know that it costs about $0.03 (USD) for a room of that size. Roombas suck. And I’m not just saying that because I hate robots. They don’t have enough power and take forever. They can’t even suck up a paper clip. And you know how many paper clips there are in my carpet? Literally thousands. It’s getting to be a problem. Toshiba Smarbo Ready to Take on the Roomba [technabob] Thanks to Kevin, who once ate a Skittle out of a vacuum canister before. Um, Kevin? That sounds like it was in strict violation of the 5-second rule.

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Robots Running Rampant: Toshiba Develops Roomba Competitor, Prices Over $1,000

You know what the problem with a lot of movies coming out is? THEY BLOW. They were poorly written, grossly over-ma rketed, and suck nards. Not because they aren’t watched in seats that move. But has that stopped D-Box (D-Bag’s cardboard older brother) from developing ‘ kinetic motion theater chairs’ to jiggle your ass when there’s an explosion on screen? Sadly, it did not. Per Roger Ebert, who was clearly paid off or owns a stake in the company: D-BOX Motion Code [technology] uses motion effects specifically programmed for each film, TV series or video game, which are sent to a motion generating system integrated within either a platform or a seat. The resulting motion is perfectly synchronized with all onscreen action, creating an unmatched realistic immersive experience. Great, so not only am I gonna be pissed the movie sucked, but I’m gonna leave with motion sickness. God, whatever happened to making movies that don’t rely on 3-D or some other shticky bullshit to be enjoyable? I miss those days. If I had a time machine I’d go back to then and see Nirvana in concert. Would you go to the movies for a ‘kinetic theater chair’? [dvice] Thanks to Lucius, who likes his movie seats how he likes his fancy paper: stationary . Also, who had a birthday last night so today’s writing is all his fault. GOD, YOU JUST HAD TO GET OLDER.

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The New 3-D: Kinetic Movie Theater Seating

I’ve never owned a Razor scooter . I tried a friend’s once but I fell off a curb and scraped my knees really bad. There was blood. Also: townspeople laughing. Now I live all alone in a bell tower , ashamed. I did make a zip-line though so that’s pretty coo. Razor scooters with integrated chalk ($60) and spark-bars ($180, electric): Their Graffiti scooter has a patented ‘chalk scribbler’ on the back which lets the rider lay down a set of parallel chalk lines while rolling down the street. But it’s their eSpark scooter that has me really concerned. Instead of pieces of chalk hanging off the back it’s got a ’spark bar’ letting riders leave behind a trail of incendiary sparks…on a single 8-hour charge it can run for about 40 minutes with a top speed of up to 10mph Eh, the chalk one is pretty worthless considering you couldn’t even write ‘PENIS’ if you tried. Or anything really besides lines. Admittedly, I could use the eSpark for my stunt spectacular provided it can ignite gasoline-soaked concrete and the noise doesn’t spook the tigers. Razor Scooters Now All About Vandalism And Starting Forest Fires [ohgizmo] Thanks to Charles, who has a skateboard that shoots flames. *looking* Yeaaaaaah, that’s not a skateboard that’s a jetpack.

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Razor Scooters: Now With Graffiti And Fire

But can I get one with a lobster print on the front? The SlobStopper is an adult bib designed for in-car use so you don’t scald your balls off with hot coffee or stain your dress with milk while eating a bowl of cereal and driving WHICH I’VE SEEN WITH MY OWN EYES. Slobstopper is an adult bib meant to fix those messy spills and stains, especially for the busy, commuter lifestyle. Made of the highest quality materials, the SlobStopper is constructed with two layers of PUL (polyurethane laminate), a thin absorbent fabric permanently laminated to a thin, waterproof barrier. Made in the USA, you will not find a more durable, higher quality bib anywhere. SlobStoppers are available in green, blue and black for $15 plus $6 shipping and make the perfect gift for absolutely nobody. God, cut a hole at the end of an old beach towel like a normal person. Doubles as a superhero cape, just sayin’! Hit the jump for two incredibly terrible commercials.

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SlobStopper: An Adult Bib For In-Car Use

Kito Keyboard flip flops are exactly what they sound like. Unless you thought they sounded like actual keyboards you wear on your feet, in which case, okay, maybe I was wrong. Just kidding, I’m never wrong. Sometimes I do moonlight as a Dr. Wong though, but that’s only to sneak into the hospital and steal meds. So yeah, keyboard flip flops . Sure the print will wear off within the first week, but at least the shape of the keys will still be there. That’s something, right? No, it’s not. Not something worth spending money on anyways. But you know what is worth spending money on? Apparently a bunch of shit on eBay when I’m wasted right before bed. Just sayin’, you know how many of those porcelain Precious Moments figurines I’ve had show up at my door? Every. Single. One. Hit the jump for a commercial not in English.

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Typing With Tootsies: Keyboard Flip Flops

Monopoly: we’ve all cheated at it. Whether it’s stealing a couple extra $100’s from the bank, insisting you’re allowed to put four hotels on a property, or accepting sexual favors for rent, we’ve all been there. Hopefully not on family game night. Enter the new, digital Monopoly. It’s virtually uncheatable. Also: unfun. The new $50 Monopoly Live is the same as the old game, except that it has a prominent 10-inch tower sitting in the middle of the board. This plastic tower rolls non-existent fake dice with fake dice sounds, manages rent calculations, announces player turns and even remembers how much money you have — all done electronically. According to the NYT, the tower “bathes the board in infrared light and a camera can see reflectors placed on each game piece” allowing dice rolls to be initiated by just covering your game piece. What the heck? Leif Askeland, one of Monopoly Live’s designers says that “the tower never makes a mistake” and that disputes are non-existent. Cool, an all-digital Monopoly. That sounds…way less fun than a video game. Hasbro reinvents Monopoly with an all-knowing plastic tower [dvice] Thanks to Mark, who once swallowed a handful of opponent’s houses and flipped the game board after a stint in the clink. I think jail made him crazy.

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DU-DU-DU-DUMB: Digital Monopoly Game

All the rage in the GW is enough to destroy half a continent. LED teeth attachments: they glow when you smile and can change colors. Plus they make an electric “buzz” whenever they light up. Alternatively, chew on a glowstick . Which I’ve actually done before when I was rolling (OFL, silly!) and ended up drinking. SPOILER: the green ones DO NOT contain superpowers. The new fashion accessories were originally created as an experiment by two Japanese designers and are now being used in a commercial advertising a winter sale at a Japanese clothing store, Laforet Harajuku. They are quickly becoming a sought after accessory. The LED smiles can easily be affixed to your teeth and glow different colors while you smile. The colors can be changed wirelessly through a computer interface. Mr. Ishibashi and Daito Manabe, the other designer and technologist on the project, are offering workshops in Japan showing people how to build their own LED smiles. So, let me get a head-count — how many of you would wear LED teeth? Zero, really? Well congratulations on not disappointing me for once. Hit the jump for another shot and two videos, one showing them off close-up, and another of a bunch of Japanese schoolgirls wandering around with the things.

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All The Rage In Japan: Light-Up LED Teeth

This is knock-off phone whose logo was made to resemble OPPO’s. Which it does, loosely. But it also spells poop . So that, combined with the phone’s model name, makes it the Poop Love. *brainstorming advertising campaign* The Poop Love: dropping dueces, not calls. Nailed it! Presenting The Poop Phone [crunchgear] via The worst name for a knockoff cellphone, ever [engadget] Thanks to Zeke, who once broke up with a girl after finding out she carried around a Snot Love. A booger eater? Gross!

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I Still Want One: Worst Knock-Off Phone Ever

I hate myself for even using the term bling bling but I assure you I’ll take it out on my liver in just a little bit. But before the ritualistic alcohol abuse begins, here’s a $60K iPhone case made out of t-rex teeth and meteors . Ironic, don’t you think? Making a phone case out of sexiest beasts that ever lived and the very thing that killed them. Stuart Hughes is back at it again, tricking out iPhones in ridiculously outrageous jewels. His iPhone 4 “HISTORY Edition” is a customization unlike any other we’ve ever seen. The back of the HISTORY Edition iPhone 4 isn’t cut from glass — it’s made from the tooth of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and meteoric stone that’s dated back some 65 million years ago. Hughes is only going to make 10 of these hideous iPhones, with each going for about $62,700. The reason for such a design? Hughes wanted to make something “fierce.” Hey Stewart — mind if I call you Stewie? No? Too bad. Listen Stewie, if you wanted to make something “fierce”, an iPhone IS NOT THE PLATFORM TO BEGIN WITH. I don’t care if you wrap the thing in knives and razor wire, IT WILL NEVER BE FIERCE, only painful to answer. Your iPhone 4 made of glass? Nice, mine is made from a T-Rex’s tooth [dvice] Thanks to Kevin G, blueAlien, tkuper05, Mih0 and frankie, who all have phone cases made with real space technology stripped from alien spaceships that crash-landed here on earth. GTFO!

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Move Over, Platinum And Gold!: Dinosaur Teeth And Meteors — The New Bling Bling

Listen: I love puking in my mouth, having it spill out into the hand covering my mouth, then into the other hand at my chin, and ultimately onto the bedroom carpet and bathroom floor as much as the next normal person. That is to say, a lot. But I don’t need any bacon-flavored effervescent tablets to do the trick. Do I, booze ? That’s right — only you. God I love ya. So agreeable. If you drop one of these magic tablets into a glass of water it will instantly begin to dissolve, creating a cascade of bubbles that will infuse the water with a delicious bacon flavor. But don’t limit yourself to water. These Effervescent Drink Tablets work just as well in milk, juice or soda. Great for making bizarre beverages or slipping into a friend’s drink when they’re not looking. Each 2-1/4″ (5.7 cm) round tin contains about fifteen tablets. $3.50 scores a tin, which might actually be worth it considering you could secretly replace one of your wife’s Alka-Seltzers as a joke. Yes, now that I think about it, I want you to do that and report back to let me know how it went. Well? Whoa whoa whoa — hospital?! WTF’S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU DIDN’T TELL ME SHE WAS PREGNANT!! Which — weird she didn’t like it. Product Site Thanks to Matt and Joe B, who both put entire tins in a gallon of whole milk and chugged it. You, sirs, are gods among disgusting eating contest contestants.

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Diiiiiiiiiiisgusting: Bacon-Flavored Fizzy Tablets