This is a conceptual iPhone design by Bryan Brunsell with the camera moved to the top so while you’re texting and walking you can see whatever you’re about to walk into. My guess is a sex shop because you’re a pervert! Plus when you’re texting and driving you’ll be able to see the sky! Oh look, the top of a telephone po– *CRASH!* Listen: if you have the common sense to stop walking while texting can you also have the decency TO NOT JUST STOP DEAD IN YOUR TRACKS? Because I will run into you. “You were distracted taking pictures of my ass, weren’t you?” Of course I was — half your asscrack was hanging out, I have a f***ing Tumblr for shit like that . An unrelated thing that really happened: Me : *yawning* Girlfriend : *sticking finger in open mouth* FUTURE PENIS! One more shot after the jump in case you’re really into squiggly lines.

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1st World Problems: iPhone Texting & Walking Concept

I wasn’t going to post this because it’s just a unicorn mask, but I keep getting the tip and I’m your slave so…unchain me from radiator ? I swear I won’t try to escape. Introducing Archie McPhee’s “magical” unicorn mask . Magical — or creepy as a man in a diaper? Because I don’t see anything coming out of a meeting with somebody wearing this thing but regret. LOTS of it. OMG so we came back from the bar and I think I asked my girlfriend to wear the unicorn mask while we were having sex. Was I too into it? Does she think I’m weird now? WHY IS THE HORN BROWN?! Hit the jump for a full body shot of somebody in pink fur lederhosen modeling the thing.

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Highly Questionable: The "Magical" Unicorn Mask

In case you’ve been living in a cave for the past several months (tell me — on a scale from 1 to 10 how robot-proof is it?), Congress is trying to push some legislation through the system THAT WILL CHANGE THE FACE OF INTERNET AS WE KNOW IT. And not in a good way like to a Brad Pitt or George Clooney face, in a bad way like to Sloth from Goonies . No bueno! Gizmodo has a really nice layman’s terms article explaining the bill and its effects HERE , which is definitely worth a read if you’re not familiar with WTF is going on. Then, after you’re filled with enough rage at the stodgy old gasbags pushing this shit, you can go HERE , HERE or HERE to write your congressperson and tell them you didn’t elect them to side with their ball-tickling cohorts in big business. But don’t say it like that. Try to say it more eloquently. Oooooooor just use one of the form-factor emails. However you do it, please, LET YOUR INTERNET-LOVING VOICE BE HEARD. This is my livelihood we’re talking about!

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We Didn’t Order That!: The Stop Online Piracy Act

Oracle ColorSHIFTs are LED headlights that can change any color . PLUS STROBE. Want to give the driver in front of you a seizure? NO PROBLEMO. They’re only made for select car types and cost over $400, but who cares, your headlights are shooting rainbows . Mine? Mine are shooting f***ing laser beams. No, no they’re not. I’m not even sure if the bulbs still work. *turning key* “Well one does.” PADIDDLE! Now you have to kiss me. Hit the jump for a video of the lights in action and a link to the product site.

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Rainbow Brites: Color Changing Headlights

I actually posted The Deli Garage’s food spraypaint last year , but that was before they were advertising the shit WITH GOLDEN CHICKENS . Which — you think they lay golden eggs? God, where were you on this, McDonalds? Just think: “Strike it rich in taste this fall with our all-new golden nuggets !” That one was free, the rest are gonna cost you….IN McRIBS. The tasteless (both kinds!) paint comes in gold, silver, pink and blue and costs $35 a can. Wait — $35 A CAN?! Craft glitter it is. Hit the jump for a couple more delicious-looking metallic treats and a link to the product page.

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No Longer Just Huffable: Edible Spraypaint

Sexy finger-biting: you give it a bad name. In between getting boned or whatever scenes, p0rn stars Alana Evans and Misti Dawn are apparently hard core gamers . So what are they doing? Opening a website that combines video game reviews, playthroughs and a bunch of other garbo, but with toplessness . Now listen: I love man as much as the next boobs, but this shit sounds lame. ” Um…GW? ” I MEANT WHAT I SAID. Evans came up with the initial idea to combine pornography and game coverage, and invited Dawn to the project straight away. “Misti is probably the most dedicated gamer girl I know, so she was the obvious choice as my partner,” said Evans. The launch date - September 20 - is also no accident: Evans chose the site’s launch date to coincide with the release of Gears of War 3. “I am a huge Gears of War fan,” Evans explained. Gamers will be able to watch and communicate with Evans and Dawn in real-time via Xbox Live and PlayStation Network Call me oldschool, but I like to keep my video games and p0rn separate, you know? It’s like, until we have lifelike virtual reality sex games, why blur the line? “Pfft, what’s the worst that could happen?” HA — obviously you’ve never come home to a roommate masturbating to Resident Evil before. *ahem* Derek! NSFW NSFW PwnedByGirls Official Site NSFW NSFW via Porn Stars Start Topless Gaming Site [escapistmagazine] Thanks to Grant, who agrees the Leisure Suit Larry franchise was the perfect blend of video games and sex.

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P0rn Stars Opening Adult Content Gaming Site

You ever wanted to eat an entire human-sized brain made out of bubble-gum flavored gummi ? God, you must spend a small fortune at the movie snackbar. But now your sickening dream can become reality my soon-to-be diabetic friend, all thanks to Firebox’s (NOT Fire fox’s ) 7-pound, $32 Giant Gummi Brain. That is like *doing math* 7-pounds too many. Know what I’m sayin’? I’m saying one time I mushed four packs of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons into a big ball and washed it down with a Hi-C the size of a kiddy pool. Best movie experience ever? I think so! (I got such an uncontrollable sugar high I tore an entire row of seats out of the ground) Product Site via Full-Size Gummy Human Brain Will Turn You Into a Sugar Zombie [gizmodo] Thanks to Daisy, who brought a human-sized brain made out of Pop-Rocks to a party once and seven people died.

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I’m Puking Already: Live-Size Gummi Brain

This is the Toshiba Smarbo (more like Stupibo amirite?!), a robotic vacuum cleaner designed to compete against iRobot’s Roomba . Except this one costs $1,200. Call me old fashioned, but I still like pushing around a $100 vacuum . Well, I don’t like doing it, I just have to when the vomit dries and can finally be picked up. Well, technically I don’t have to, it’s just that I’m a neat freak. Jk jk — just a regular freak. This little cleaning bot has two CPUs, though we don’t know what kind, a camera, and 38 sensors that cover things like gyro, acceleration, range detection and more. According to Toshiba, the Smarbo will clean an area of 100sqm in about 90 minutes. If you are worried about electrical usage you’ll be happy to know that it costs about $0.03 (USD) for a room of that size. Roombas suck. And I’m not just saying that because I hate robots. They don’t have enough power and take forever. They can’t even suck up a paper clip. And you know how many paper clips there are in my carpet? Literally thousands. It’s getting to be a problem. Toshiba Smarbo Ready to Take on the Roomba [technabob] Thanks to Kevin, who once ate a Skittle out of a vacuum canister before. Um, Kevin? That sounds like it was in strict violation of the 5-second rule.

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Robots Running Rampant: Toshiba Develops Roomba Competitor, Prices Over $1,000

You know what the problem with a lot of movies coming out is? THEY BLOW. They were poorly written, grossly over-ma rketed, and suck nards. Not because they aren’t watched in seats that move. But has that stopped D-Box (D-Bag’s cardboard older brother) from developing ‘ kinetic motion theater chairs’ to jiggle your ass when there’s an explosion on screen? Sadly, it did not. Per Roger Ebert, who was clearly paid off or owns a stake in the company: D-BOX Motion Code [technology] uses motion effects specifically programmed for each film, TV series or video game, which are sent to a motion generating system integrated within either a platform or a seat. The resulting motion is perfectly synchronized with all onscreen action, creating an unmatched realistic immersive experience. Great, so not only am I gonna be pissed the movie sucked, but I’m gonna leave with motion sickness. God, whatever happened to making movies that don’t rely on 3-D or some other shticky bullshit to be enjoyable? I miss those days. If I had a time machine I’d go back to then and see Nirvana in concert. Would you go to the movies for a ‘kinetic theater chair’? [dvice] Thanks to Lucius, who likes his movie seats how he likes his fancy paper: stationary . Also, who had a birthday last night so today’s writing is all his fault. GOD, YOU JUST HAD TO GET OLDER.

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The New 3-D: Kinetic Movie Theater Seating

I’ve never owned a Razor scooter . I tried a friend’s once but I fell off a curb and scraped my knees really bad. There was blood. Also: townspeople laughing. Now I live all alone in a bell tower , ashamed. I did make a zip-line though so that’s pretty coo. Razor scooters with integrated chalk ($60) and spark-bars ($180, electric): Their Graffiti scooter has a patented ‘chalk scribbler’ on the back which lets the rider lay down a set of parallel chalk lines while rolling down the street. But it’s their eSpark scooter that has me really concerned. Instead of pieces of chalk hanging off the back it’s got a ’spark bar’ letting riders leave behind a trail of incendiary sparks…on a single 8-hour charge it can run for about 40 minutes with a top speed of up to 10mph Eh, the chalk one is pretty worthless considering you couldn’t even write ‘PENIS’ if you tried. Or anything really besides lines. Admittedly, I could use the eSpark for my stunt spectacular provided it can ignite gasoline-soaked concrete and the noise doesn’t spook the tigers. Razor Scooters Now All About Vandalism And Starting Forest Fires [ohgizmo] Thanks to Charles, who has a skateboard that shoots flames. *looking* Yeaaaaaah, that’s not a skateboard that’s a jetpack.

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Razor Scooters: Now With Graffiti And Fire