This is a video of the Abstract Expressionist Robot. He paints pictures of how he feels based on input from a nearby microphone . *playing death metal* God, just stop painting and end it already! You know you want to. artist Benjamin Grosser offers up a mash-up…which uses AI to listen to its environment and process that information to influence what it paints. Overall a much nicer, more cultured use of artificial intelligence than, say, a swarm of flying death robots. …Grosser admits that “Lately I’ve taken to critiquing the machine as it paints, giving it audio input that is a direct response to what it just did. I’ll tell it what I think of each gesture it paints: if I liked it or didn’t, if I think it should have done something different, or how I see the latest mark fitting into the overall composition of the work. I’ve found that I tend to dislike these paintings more than others it makes, suggesting that listening to a constant critique of one’s creative process may not be productive.” Derder, Benjamin — NOBODY LIKES A CONSTANT CRITIQUE OF THEIR CREATIVE PROCESS. That would drive me insane. “Look — GW just took his pants off, he really should’ve kept them on. Now he’s eating cottage cheese and talking to the dog, cottage cheese is nasty. Now he’s banging his head on his desk and repeating ‘what word rhymes with penis?’ — that can’t be good for his brain cells.” See? I’d stab you before I even had an article written. Also, Ben, your last name is Grosser — that would make your children the Grossests! “That’s not how names work.” Oh. Hit the jump for a bunch of the robot’s paintings and a video of it in action.

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Feel Pain!: Robotic Artist Paints Its Feelings

This is series of paint splatter superheroes by artist Arian Noveir. Now before you go running off to the comments to complain there’s no way you could splatter paint like that, don’t. They’re DIGITAL . Although you could probably recreate them IRL with the right amount of masking. You know, if a person put their mind to it they could actually accomplish a lot with some paint splatter. One time I even delivered a baby on a bus with nothing but my own two hands and a little paint splatter . Just kidding, it was baby juice and I passed out as soon as I saw the woman’s vagina, but you get the point. The point is I’m no doctor and it’s not always cool to pretend you’re one. Hit the jump for a bunch more including Wonder Woman, the Hulk, Hellboy, Darkwing Duck (jk jk), Spiderman, Wolverine, Thor and Superman.

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Eye Candy: Paint Splatter Superheroes

This is a series of (mostly) dinosaur LED drawings by artist Darren Pearson. Obviously Darren has a superhuman sense of spatial awareness because one time at a rave I tried swinging two glowsticks around on shoe strings and ended up putting some dude’s eye out and strangling myself. Then I chewed on one until it accidentally started leaking and my mouth was glowing . The girls weren’t impressed and said my breath smelled like cancer. Plus my heart felt like it was constantly going to explode and I unknowingly sat in a puddle of spilled beer (probably urine) for a half hour (and with my good pleather pants on!). Later when I was in the bathroom reminding myself just what a giant piece of shit I am in the mirror, my friend chipped a tooth and just laughed and flicked the broken piece down the drain. That — that’s when I knew it was gonna be a bad night. Tomorrow’s Labor Dabor Day but I’ll be around for at least a couple articles because idle hands are a masturbator’s playground or something. Hit the jump for nine more plus a video of Darren explaining how he makes them which, SURPRISE!, involves LED’s and a long camera exposure.

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Sweet LED (Light Emitting Dinosaur) Drawings

This is a custom-painted Angry Birds bra from Etsy seller SceeneSchoes. She’ll paint you one in sizes 34A to 38DD for $35, although you and I both know 34A’s should really get a discount. That’s price-gouging! You should be price- groping . Get it? Because that’s what you do with boobies . Or, in my case, imagine they feel like athletic socks filled with Play-doh. Hit the jump for the other painted bras available, including a NES controller, Princess Peach design and Pokeball Master Ball.

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Would Not Crush Under A Pile Of Rubble: Custom Angry Birds Bras (Plus Others!)

Connect the dots — la la la la! Connect the dots: like word searches and mazes, they’ve always been difficult for me (who the f*** is supposed to remember what comes after 59 anyway? That’s why God invented calculators !). So you can imagine my sense of unease when I saw this, the world’s most complicated connect-the-dots picture. Created by Thomas Pavitte, the piece contains 6,239 dots, takes around 9-hours to complete, and produces a relatively booboo basic looking Mona Lisa when the fat lady sings. Which, SPOILER ALERT: she always seems to be doing around this time of day. *banging on wall* FOR THE LOVE OF LITTLE DEBBY CAN YOU SHUT UP? I’M TRYING TO F***ING BLOG OVER HERE! She’s making it real hard to feel bad about stealing her electricity. Hit the jump for a couple close-ups and a time-lapse video of nine hours packed into four minutes. Damn bro you should help me with my luggage before vacay!

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World’s Most Complicated Connect-The-Dots Picture Produces Iffy-Looking Mona Lisa

This is an amazing looking series of digital paintings by artist Dave Rapoza of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle characters (sans the actual four turtles ). They’re amazing . David even has time-lapse videos on his website of him painting some of them, along with a bunch of other Ninja Turtle stuff if you’re interested. It’s definitely worth a look if you’re into turtle power. Me? I’m into ultimate power. *clamping alligator clips to Frodo’s hairy Hobbit tits* WHERE’S THE RING YOU THIEVING LITTLE LEPRECHAUN?! Hit the jump for (in this order): Metalhead, Bebop, Slash, Master Splinter, Casey Jones, Rocksteady, Baxter Stockman, April O’Neil, a Footclan member and Wingnut & Screwloose. Also, hit the link to his website for the in-progress videos and $40 18″x24″ prints available if you’re interested.

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Amazing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Fan Art

NICE JEANS, LADY! My mom circa 1984 wants to know where you got ‘em! Holton Rowler (not to be confused with Thurston Howell III) creates paintings by pouring store-brand coffee cups full of paint on top of boxes to create trippy, drippy designs. I’d argue the process is even more beautiful than the final result, not unlike lovemakin’. Just kidding, nobody likes hearing a grown man cry for six-straight minutes. Or do they? They don’t. But even a man clad in a bedsheet wiping his tears away with the last scrap of toilet paper still glued to the tube is beautiful compared to raising a kid for 18-years. 18-YEARS! That’s older than I am emotionally. Huh? Oh good one — AND mentally. *coyly eats booger* Hit the jump to get your trip on (also available in full-HD).

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Sounds Simple!: Painting By Numbers Pouring

Always wanted a tiger or panda bear but were worried they’d maul the faces off everyone in the neighborhood? That’s because they would. Thankfully, now you can have your dog dyed to look like one. Because why stop at just chopping off their balls? Hit the jump for several more of the poor bastards.

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Eye Of The Tiger Dog: Chinese Pet Dyeing

This is a painting by artist Finch depicting Strawberry Shortcake riding a My Little Pony after killing all the Ninja Turtles . Frightening. And why is there a Rubik’s Cube stuck in Leonardo’s shoulder? Is that supposed to be some sort of social commentary? Something about puzzle toys being the Achilles’ Shoulder of modern society? I’M NOT GRASPING AT STRAWS YOU’RE GRASPING AT STRAWS. I want a bendy one. I drink your milkshake! I drink it up! Picture [slightlywarped] Thanks to Neill, who’s only solace is knowing the turtles are all attending that great pizza party in the sky.

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Strawberry Shortcake Riding A My Little Pony After Killing The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Smell absorbing paint , affectionately known in the wall-covering industry as pigmented anti-toot film, absorbs odors yet remains shit-smell free. I swear, the future: we’re living in it. Dutch Boy Refresh eliminates these volatile compounds, but goes one step further by incorporating technology that actually absorbs existing odors in the room. That sounds like just the thing for bathrooms and kitchens, especially if you have smelly pets. Dutch Boy says the paint will lock the odors onto the surface of the paint, yet somehow the actual walls remain odor free. Seeing as they worked with Arm & Hammer to develop this, you can probably assume that baking soda is a key ingredient. You know who needs some Dutch Boy Refresh? Just about every gas station bathroom I’ve ever been in. Just don’t go covering up all the “for a good time call” numbers. I spent a lot of time on those. Paint that absorbs room odors, yet never smells bad [dvice]

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Well It’s About Time: Smell Absorbing Paint