Apparently air traffic control at Xiaoshan Airport in China spotted a UFO on radar and was forced to divert flights until E.T. phoned the f*** home. Arcing over Zhejiang’s provincial capital Hangzhou, the UFO appeared to glow with an eerie white light and left a bright trail in its wake. Stunned witnesses reported seeing a comet-like fireball in the sky and a number of local residents took photos of the strange ball of light. ‘The thing suddenly ran westwards fast, like it was escaping from something,’ he said. Running from something is right. It’s called US. “This planet is a shithole, lets GTFO and hit that titty bar.” “The Milky Way?” “You know it, brotha — high-tentacle!” Chinese airport closed after fiery UFO is spotted flying over city [dailymail] Thanks to Romeo, Jordan and Peter Pan > Jiff, who would have PEWed that sucker out of sky, full-nelsoned those alien scumbags, and beat the secrets of the universe out of their bug-eyed brains.

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Airport Closes After UFO Spotted In China

Remember Japan’s plans to put a humanoid robot on the moon by 2015 ? Well apparently that’s only Phase 1 of their $2 billion master plan , because now they want an entire robotic colony on the moon by 2020. Not if I have anything to do with it! (I don’t is the f***ing problem) As currently envisioned, the robots that will land on the lunar surface in 2015 will be 660-pound behemoths equipped with rolling tank-like treads, solar panels, seismographs, high-def cameras and a smattering of scientific instruments. They’ll also have human-like arms for collecting rock samples that will be returned to Earth via rocket. The robots will be controlled from Earth, but they’ll also be imbued with their own kind of machine intelligence, making decisions on their own and operating with a high degree of autonomy. Those initial surveyor bots will pave the way for the construction of the unmanned moon base near the lunar south pole, which the robots will construct for themselves. That base will be solar powered and provide a working/living space future robot colonizers, as well as — presumably — a jumping off point for future human moon dwellers. God, can you imagine if the first contact we have with aliens is through Japan’s robotic moon colony? They’ll Alderaan our asses! Japan Plans a Moon Base by 2020, Built by Robots for Robots [popsci] Thanks to Mike, Stealth Logic, jondeelee, Tom, Bender and Monsterrod Von Hugenstien, who are all voting ‘NO’ this November on Proposition Moonbase 2020.

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Dammit Japan, That’s Nacho Green Cheese!: Japan’s Plan For Robotic Moonbase By 2020

Note: Click HERE for a full-size version of the image for the full effect. This is a stereoscopic shot of the moon . So if you cross your eyes like you would a Magic Eye picture, you should be able to see our natural satellite in 3-D . Oooooor get frustrated and Hulk-smash your monitor. Stare into the screen and allow your eyes to defocus. You will get double vision as each eye sees the L & R images separately. Move your head towards and away from the screen until the two middle images overlap. The single overlapping image should be in 3D It took me a little time, but I finally saw it. And I’m not just saying that to impress you with my eye-crossing skills, but one time a friend did slap me on the back while I was making a funny face. You know what happened? I kneed him in the crotch until he cried blood. You don’t touch a man while he’s making faces! 3D space pictures: stereo images of moons, galaxies and nebulae [telegraph] (with 10 more 3-D images of various outerspace-y things) via Check out this 3D pic of the moon, no glasses required [dvice]

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The Moon In 3-D: No Star Trek Geordi Glasses Required!

Remember when Pluto was a planet? Me neither, I drink too much. And, I don’t know if we can really trust anything NASA tells us anymore, but these are allegedly the most detailed images of Pluto ever taken. As you can see, we still have a long ways to go. NASA today released the most detailed set of images ever taken of the distant dwarf planet Pluto. The images taken by NASA’s Hubble Space Telescope show an icy and dark molasses-colored, mottled world that is undergoing seasonal changes in its surface color and brightness. Pluto has become significantly redder, while its illuminated northern hemisphere is getting brighter. These changes are most likely consequences of surface ices sublimating on the sunlit pole and then refreezing on the other pole as the dwarf planet heads into the next phase of its 248-year-long seasonal cycle. The dramatic change in color apparently took place in a two-year period, from 2000 to 2002. Jesus, a two-year period? Somebody rocket that dwarf planet some sanitary napkins! New Hubble Maps of Pluto Show Surface Changes [nasa] via Most Detailed View of Pluto to Date [gizmodo]

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You Silly ‘Lil Dwarf: Detailed Images Of Pluto

That’s right, would-be astronauts , you can forget about NASA ever sending you to the moon strapped to a giant rocket, cause that shit ain’t happening. Your only chance now is lassoing a moonicorn and barebacking that bitch to outerspace. Obama wants to end NASA’s moon program, turn over space transportation to commercial companies and jump-start technologies needed for future human exploration of Mars and other destinations, officials said on Monday. Obama’s budget ends work on the shuttle follow-on vehicle, known as Orion, as well as a pair of rockets developed to fly astronauts to the space station, the moon and other destinations in the solar system. Funds previously earmarked for the Constellation program, initially intended to return U.S. astronauts to the moon by 2020, instead would be used for research projects that include robotics and other technologies needed to prepare for an eventual human mission to Mars Privatizing space transportation? I don’t know how I feel about that besides GW’s ROCKET TOURS NOW TAKING RESERVATIONS!! Week long space trips start at $1million. Now I know what you’re thinking, “I bet the GW’s just gonna get me high and drop me off at Space Camp”. And that, my friend, is a safe bet. Obama axes NASA moon plan in new budget [msnbc] Thanks to FDSY, who will kick your ass into outerspace for a cool grand.

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NASA Not To Revisit Moon After All, Orion, Constellation Programs Getting Scrapped

Allegedly this is a picture of the internet (high-res version HERE ). Only thing is, I freaking live in the internet and it doesn’t look all that familiar. I mean, where are all the naked ladies? Everybody knows the internet is at least 40% naked ladies. AND men. I just shy away from the men areas. No, no I don’t. BECAUSE I’M OPEN MINDED. The Internet: The Picture [buzzfeed] Thanks to Drew, who knows the internet is predominately tubes. Gerbil tubes . It’s basically a giant Habitrail.

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Questionable: A Picture Of The Internet

Okay so maybe the asteroid isn’t actually earth bound, but it could be. You see, nobody can agree on how serious a threat the rock poses. I say laser the shit out of it. Then laser all the little pieces. Then blast me in the eyes. If I can’t see the end of the world I don’t wanna see anything! Russia’s space agency chief said Wednesday a spacecraft may be dispatched to knock a large asteroid off course and reduce the chances of earth impact, even though U.S. scientists say such a scenario is unlikely. When the 270-meter (885-foot) asteroid was first discovered in 2004, astronomers estimated its chances of smashing into Earth in its first flyby, in 2029, at 1-in-37. Further studies have ruled out the possibility of an impact in 2029, when the asteroid is expected to come no closer than 18,300 miles (29,450 kilometers) from Earth’s surface, but they indicated a small possibility of a hit on subsequent encounters. NASA had put the chances that Apophis could hit Earth in 2036 as 1-in-45,000. In October, after researchers recalculated the asteroid’s path, the agency changed its estimate to 1-in-250,000. What is this, football? Why do the odds keep changing? Because this shit’s all fun and games until the day the asteroid’s supposed to hit and the odds drop to 1-in-0.5. Then what? We all bone till we burn up, that’s what. *high-five* Going out like the dinosaurs! Russia may send spacecraft to knock away asteroid [yahoonews]

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Russia To Blow Up Earth-Bound Asteroid

NOTE : If you’re reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead. As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April ‘06 ) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon’s south pole. When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects “plumes of moon dust — perhaps full of ice — (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon’s Cabeus crater.” NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there’s ice and water under the moon’s surface. And, if so, if it’s potable. Nice, NASA — TOO BAD YOU’RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that’s gonna do to the ocean’s tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers! NASA Will Bomb The Moon Tomorrow [io9] and NASA Attacks the Moon [yahoonews] Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA’s plan doesn’t work.

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Well, It’s Been Nice Knowing You: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon Tomorrow Morning

This is a picture of sheep in Herefordshire, England forming a perfect circle all by themselves because the aliens are coming. And aliens , at least according to science, hate circles. Some people believe the shape was created by a farmer dropping feed in a circular pattern, but those people are crazy. Photographer Russell Bird, who captured the amazing scene, said:”I was quite taken aback. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing,” he said. Bizarrely, he then spotted another circle three fields away, but was unable to take a picture with both “formations” lasting around 10 minutes before dispersing. Estate agent Mr Bird added of the scene in Kington, Herefordshire: “They moved around inside and were almost filling the gaps in. “The only reason this circle came to an end was that the farmer came in with a tractor and some food.” Did you read that? If you answered, “No, I was too busy digging my tinfoil helmet out of the hall closet”, congratulations, there may be hope for you yet. Forget crop circles - now we’ve got a mysterious SHEEP circle [mailonline] Thanks to naas, who’s smart enough to keep a roll of industrial strength duct tape by the bedside.

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The Aliens Are Coming: Sheep In A Circle

Aliens are real , here on earth, and the U.S. government has the proof to prove it, at least according to Edgar Mitchell, the longest moonwalker (suck it, MJ!), and handsome devil seen in the photo above. This is not the first time Edgar ‘Aliens In My Ass’ Mitchell has confessed his belief in extraterestrians, or whatever the hell they are. “It is now time to put away this embargo of truth about the alien presence,” said the astronaut who made the longest moonwalk in history. “I call upon our government to open up … and become a part of this planetary community that is now trying to take our proper role as a spacefaring civilization.” Asked why there still is no definitive proof, he said: “We have that, it’s just that it’s been covered up and denied by the powers that be in our own government,” adding that “there’s a secret government” that may be run by the “military-industrial complex.” Listen, Edgar ‘Check Your Feces for Pieces of Antennae’ Mitchell — everyone with half a brain knows there are aliens among us . The problem is, you can’t go spitting all that knowledge to the general public without these idiots rushing to the grocery store and buying up all the peanut butter and taping their buttholes closed every night. PEOPLE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH. Could you imagine what would happen if they found out the president was a robot…. …. …. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! CURL: Astronaut says we’re not alone [washingtonpost] Thanks to Fish Man, who lives underwater and doesn’t have to worry about aliens as much because they can’t swim.

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Admit It, Government: Aliens Are Real, Yo