Note: Video is after the jump because I don’t want your crotch to catch fire on the front page. Wait — yes, yes I do. Yes I know what tea-lights are! Does that make me gay? No, lovin’ on another man’s booty would make me gay. Knowing what tea-lights are just makes me appreciative of their romantic , flickering ambiance. I like to light a couple dozen around an aromatic bubble bath and mmmm , what a sensual treat! Then I unrobe and slip into the tub with another man. And THAT’S when things get gay. All I can say is ..this took over 2 weeks to do. A lot of fire, A lot of smoke, a lot of heat, and a whole lot of frustration. Sounds like my sex life. HIYO! No it really does though. Hit it for the fiery video.

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Cool Stop-Motion Video Made With Tea-Lights

First he steals all the copper pipe out of my grandparents’ house, now he’s stealing extra dimensions ! WTF, MARIO?! You have an invincibility star addiction we don’t know about? Haha, what do you mean you’re depressed? It doesn’t have anything to do with me and the Princess’s peach, does it? Oh you didn’t know ab– I SAID I’M GAY FOR TOAD! cezkid’s DeviantART via Retro Mario in 3D flavor [likecool] Thanks to Guilmon_DT, who made a 3-D model of the Princess but wouldn’t share it with anybody because he wants her all to himself. That’s greedy!

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Dammit Mario, Stop Stealing D’s!: Mario In 3-D

Note: Video is after the jump because they’re probably gonna remove it for copyright violation but hey — at least there’s a picture on the front page so you can make-believe what happens. This is a cute cartoon made by a Russian beer-chip manufacturer or something. It features one of the warriors from Contra battling it out in a game of Tetris . Now I don’t want to ruin it for you, but there’s a surprise ending. It makes your computer explode with candy. Kidding, dreams really don’t come true. Hit it for the video.

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There Can Be Only One: Contra Vs. Tetris

I remember seeing this video (the original Japanese commercial for The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past ) a long time ago, and you’re probably gonna yell at me because you sent it to me years ago, but you know what? I’m not gonna let it get to me. You can’t make me feel bad. But you can make me a sandwich. And you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO. Triangle cut, no crust, no pubes. Youtube via Zelda dance [wtfjapanseriously] Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Dan, who actually perform that dance at clubs and impress all the womens.

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Old: Legend Of Zelda Dance-Fest Commercial

This is a “reveal” trailer for the new Sonic the Hedgehog coming to XBox Live because it shows a solid two seconds of gameplay footage. Aaaand it looks just like the old games . So that’s cool. I get down with the oldschool. Also, OPP . Yeah you know me! Official Site and Youtube Thanks to Greg, jantunes, Justin and Kaflooblop, who have all beat Cheetah in ‘World Class Track Meet’ using the Power Pad and not cheating. Impressive.

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Sonic The Hedgehog Trailer (With Gameplay!)

I don’t play Farmville because I don’t have time (also, for those of you that do play on Facebook — I’m tired of getting updates every time your cow gives birth). But if I did you better believe this is what my farm would look like (higher res version HERE ). Except Kid Icarus would be there banging Samus in a cornfield . Say metroid! Say it! Picture Thanks to Victoria, who has a green thumb and could grow the eyes off a potato.

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Oldschool Flavor: Epic Farm In Farmville

Today marks the 25th birthday of Tetris . In its quarter century of service it has been responsible for thirty googlejillion man hours of gameplay and countless drops in productivity. I know I got fired for playing at work once. You here that, the man? YOU CAN’T HOLD ME DOWN! Happy Birthday, Tetris, this long piece is for you. And by long piece I mean 40. A GLUGLULGLULAGLUG! At 25, `Tetris’ drops into place as gaming icon [yahoonews] Thanks to Pat, Watch-303, catch22 and /Eyeroll, who don’t even bother working at work anymore.

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Screw Productivity: Happy Birthday, Tetris!

These cassette tape wallets from designbloom are wallets made out of old cassette tapes . Pretty clever, but they cost $43. So if you’ve ever wanted to try making something yourself, now’s your chance. Just make me one. With a Def Leppard tape. Bitchin’? BITCHIN’! cassette wallet [designboom] Thanks to phil, who keeps his money in his socks BECAUSE HE’S OLDSCHOOL.

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Retro Styling: Cassette Tape Wallets

This is a literal video for Bonnie Tyler’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart’ which proves beyond a shadow of a doubt the 80’s were wack as a mother. Of course, current music videos could be just as weird, but I don’t watch MTV because I’m not in middle school anymore. Kidding, cable got cut off. Total Eclipse spoof [dailymotion] Thanks to shane, who literally video’d himself banging his girlfriend.

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Literal Video: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Want to pound some turdy looking power pellets? Then buy this $12 set of Pac-man candy and rot your teeth out! Then go to the dentist to get them fixed. But don’t forget to bring a hidden camera in case he tries to grope you while you’re out. Our fave classic video game now in edible form! This set of three sweet tins will have ya enjoying Pac-Man’s power pellets, blue raspberry ghost sours and cherry ghost sours. Each keepsake tin is approximately 2.5″ Cool. Weed would look cool in those. I would fill one with weed and another one with booze and then swallow them and try to get on airplane. But then when security tries to stop me I’ll blast off with my jetpack and probably get a JWI because my booze ghost leaked. Pac-Man Candy For a Retro Geeky Sugar Fix [uberreview]

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OM NOM NOM: Pac-Man Candy