This is an artist’s rendition (INVENT A TIME MACHINE ALREADY, GOD! ) of Leviathan melvillei , a 12-million year old sperm whale that used to snack on other whales thanks to it’s powerful jaws and foot-long teeth . ZOMG — imagine the damage you could do at In-N-Out with those things! “This is a pretty exciting discovery,” says Erich Fitzgerald, a vertebrate paleontologist at Museum Victoria in Melbourne, Australia. Leviathan represents “one thing we don’t have in the oceans today — a macropredator, a hypercarnivorous whale.” Modern sperm whales feed largely on invertebrates such as giant squid, but have been known to feed on fish and other creatures as well. The extremely robust, deeply-rooted structure of Leviathan’s teeth strongly suggests that the creature fed on large, presumably struggling bony prey like sharks do. The whale was named in honor of Herman Melville, the author of Moby-Dick , which, no lie, was actually based on ancient tales (I’m like thousands of years old) of my white whale. So technically it should be called Leviathan gwmegapeen , but I’ll let it slide. JUST THIS ONCE. Ancient Whale + Killer Shark = Hypercarnivorous Whale [wired] Thanks to Mr Geek, Christian, Matty, Grace, Jennaiii, Divo, and Sam K, who would have trained the whales to be ridden and looted Atlantis.

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Suck It, Kraken!: Giant Whale Eating Whale

I remember seeing this video (the original Japanese commercial for The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past ) a long time ago, and you’re probably gonna yell at me because you sent it to me years ago, but you know what? I’m not gonna let it get to me. You can’t make me feel bad. But you can make me a sandwich. And you know what? YOU’RE GOING TO. Triangle cut, no crust, no pubes. Youtube via Zelda dance [wtfjapanseriously] Thanks to Spikey DaPikey and Dan, who actually perform that dance at clubs and impress all the womens.

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Old: Legend Of Zelda Dance-Fest Commercial

This is an old-ass clip from 1978 of a Star Wars themed holiday special (Wookie family at 5:00!). But, since there’s no Jesus in the Star Wars universe, they celebrate ‘Life Day’, which, at least from what I could tell, is a present -less holiday that makes children sad. Here is a segment from the infamous Star Wars Holiday Special featuring Carrie Fisher as Princess Leia singing an ode to “Life Day” - the Star Wars Universe’s answer to Christmas. Wow Leia, that was pretty awful. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but aren’t you supposed to be wearing a golden bikini on Life Day? Oh, hold on — The Force is talking to me. Topless, The Force says topless. The Star Wars Holiday Special - “Happy Life Day” (1978) [fuzzymemories] Thanks to b00geyman, who doesn’t so much deliver presents as hide under your bed and try to cut your Achilles tendon if you ever get up to pee.

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Happy Life Day From The Star Wars Universe

This is a little gallery of old photographs with pictures of superheroes Photohaxored in. I thought they were pretty neat, but perhaps you don’t. And maybe that’s the fundamental difference between you and I. Well, besides how handsome and smart you are. Did I say you? I meant me. It’s true, one time I looked in a mirror and it shattered itself because it was so jealous of my handsomosity (and word wizardry). I jest — I was so ugly I put my fist through it. REFLECT ON THAT, YOU STUPID MIRROR! Also, my hand bled and this nancy Edward begged to lick it but I wouldn’t let him. Just sayin’, I can be a lamb too . Hit the jump for three more, including a little Fidel action.

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I Like: Superheroes In Old War Photographs

Christopher Locke makes modern fossils using gadgets of yesteryear and concrete . Then he sells them to make a profit because he’s smart and doesn’t want to hold a real job. I’m with you, Chris. The modern Fossils are made from actual archaic technology that was once cutting-edge. Most of these examples were discovered in the United States, although the various species are represented all over the world. In a special process, these items are reproduced in a proprietary blend of concrete and other secret ingredients, giving them the look and feel of real stone fossils. Each fossil is made one at a time, by hand, in an individual mold. Depending on the species, expect to pay between $65-$100 per fossil. Or, make your own with a bag of concrete and a broken controller. Here, I’ll even give away Chris’s secret ingredients: rocks and sand. GO GO GO! Hit the jump to see a bunch more and a link to the product page.

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Modern Fossils: When A Dino Bone Won’t Do