Ever wanted to smell like a sweaty robotic suit ? No? What about a melting pot ? A giant green ogre? Ozone? Me neither. But that isn’t stopping JADS (think nads but with a j) International (of Star Trek cologne fame ) from developing a line of Avengers colognes based on Iron Man, Captain America, the Hulk and Thor. They’re just the thing you need to smell nothing like you’re favorite superhero. Get it? Because Batman is everybody’s favorite. “Nope — Doctor Strange all the way!” Ha, of COURSE he is. You are so f***ing weird. Hit the jump for the highly questionable descriptions of each scent.

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Scent Of A Superhero: Avenger Character Colognes

Picture related: future clothes. Scientists have developed a method of inexpensively creating cotton fabrics that clean and deodorize themselves when exposed to sunlight . That way, the next time somebody asks when was the last time you washed your jeans you can say honestly say NEVER — I’m grody as shit and I live in squalor! Mingce Long and Deyong Wu say that their fancy cotton fibers have a coating of titanium dioxide and nitrogen, that kills microbes and breaks down dirt when exposed to sunlight. Additional nanoparticles using silver and iodine are used to accelerate the discoloration process. They even claim that the coating is robust enough to withstand repeated washing and drying, although I thought the whole point was that you wouldn’t need to do that anymore. I mean, MAYBE. It might not be a bad idea for suits or t-shirts or something but they definitely shouldn’t make underwear out of it. I don’t care how long you hang a pair of boxers outside, that turd ain’t coming out till it rains. TRUST ME (I don’t have a washer). Toss out your washer, scientists invent self-cleaning clothes [dvice] Thanks to Rev Dr Dom and Luce, who wash their clothes the old fashioned way: in the river with a stick . Um, you do know some people still have to do that, right?

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Scientists Develop Self Cleaning/Deodorizing Clothes

Movies : first they were black & white , silent and 2-D. Now they’re color, Dolby Digital and 3-D. But still odorless . Enter the ScentSciences machine, a $70 smell-wafter that releases odors to coincide with movies that’ve been edited with their ScentEditor software. Eh. Call me when we’ve got full-blown Brave New World feelies. This year at CES, ScentSciences released a bread loaf sized product that appeals to your nose…of all things. Movies that have been created with their ScentEditor software can make you smell all the smells that you would imagine to be on screen. It’s kind of a creepy way to put you more into the movie, but hey, smells are a sense we don’t use during a movie other than for popcorn, so why not? There is a scent cartridge that can hold up to 20 distinct smells and any smells you want can be custom ordered. These cartridges should last up to 200 hours and needless to say that’s a lot of time to smell things. Just a heads up: if smell-o-vision ever takes off I can and will carry a constant supply of stink-bombs around to ruin your experience. Reminds me of the first time I set some off at a high-school assembly. They broke in my pocket while I was shaking my wiener dry at the urinal. I vomited, passed out on the bathroom floor, and got suspended. Best prank ever or best prank ever?! (I still have glass shards in my balls) ScentScape brings smells to your movies [redferret] Thanks to Shenanigans, who farted when Jar-Jar appeared on screen and everybody thought it was part of the experience.

Originally posted here:
The Future Is Now: Scent Machine Produces Smells To Coincide With Watching Movies

NOTE: Commercial for the WTF You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me Blanket is after the jump. The Better Marriage Blanket is an actual damn product , officially signaling the end of mankind. Or maybe just flatulence -related divorces! It’s basically a comforter with a layer of activated carbon sewn in so when you rip a squirty one your partner doesn’t have to smell it. Unless they’re into that sort of thing, in which case I have a blanket beyond their wildest dreams. Hit it for the I know I shouldn’t be surprised this exists but I’m still disappointed with humanity.

Original post:
It’s Anti-Toot!: The Better Marriage Blanket

This is the periodic table of smellements as developed by Natalie Dee. This version’s really small and probably hurting your eyes to squint at though so click THIS BUTTON to see a full-size version AND PREPARE TO BE ODORIZED! Well, what do you think? I thought it was pretty awesome except for the ones at the bottom. Those ones made my uke-pay in my outh-may a little. And by a little I mean a lot. It’s dribbling down my chin. Well? LICK IT UP, PEASANT! This is all your fault somehow, I know it. Periodic Table of Smellements [nataliedee] Thanks to Ambrose and Kristen, who are both transition smells.

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Ignoble Gases: Periodic Table Of Smellements