Note: This picture is small and I had to crop it click HERE to see the sadness in depressing high-resolution. This is a shot of a wave crashing in Orange Beach, Alabama . As you can see, it looks like absolute crap, which really got me thinking: there’s probably a lot of whale shit in the ocean , and I should stop drinking beach water. But it’s so salty! Eyewitness: BP oil spill [guardian] Thanks to Uncle Fester, who may or may not have touched Pugsley inappropriately (geez, just look at the guy).

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So Much For Bodysurfing: Alabama Oil Waves

There are good ideas and there are great ideas . This is a f***ing terrible one. Nuking the oil leak to cover that shit in rubble and seal it off. Plus birth Godzilla! (which, admittedly, I am for) A plan proposed to detonate a nuke to seal off that troublesome oil well is gaining support with each of BP’s failures. The Russians apparently used the tactic five times between 1966 and 1981. They went four for five. Will it ever happen? According to an anonymous source at the Los Alamos National Laboratory in New Mexico — y’know, the guys and gals who created the Bomb in the first place — no. “It’s not going to happen,” continuing on with “Technically, it would be exploring new ground in the midst of a disaster — and you might make it worse.” Listen: I know James Cameron may be some kind of expert on submersibles and underwater filming, but if you’re considering atomic warheads you’re gonna need me on the team . Because I’m an atomic expert. Just sayin’, one time I nuked a hotdog for three minutes before it exploded. Nuking the oil spill, a ‘crazy’ plan that’s gathering steam [dvice]

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Smart Thinking: Okay Forget James Cameron, Let’s Just Nuke That Oil Spill! (Yes, Seriously)

For realz. On their heads . The species is only a few millimetres wide and scientists say it looks like a flying saucer with a cluster of gonads, or sex organs, on top. “It’s absolutely different from every other jellyfish that’s ever been known,” Dr Gershwin said. “So we not only put it into its own new species and its own new genus, but it’s actually a brand new family.” “Quite possibly and quite humbly the greatest discovery of my career, ever. I mean I’ll be lucky if I ever get a discovery even half as incredible again,” she said. The new species has been named Csiromedusa medeopolis, meaning “jellyfish from CSIRO” and “city of gonads”. So basically discovering the city of gonads is the highlight of Dr Gershwin’s career. That’s, uh, that’s really something. TOO BAD I ALREADY DISCOVERED IT IN COLLEGE! Been there, done that, is there a pube between my teeth, amirite? Experts astounded by ‘city of gonads’ jellyfish [abc] Thanks to Laurel, who doesn’t wear a crown of gonads because she has no interest in being the nut queen. Well let me wear it then. I SAID STOP HOGGIN’ THE BALLS!

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I’d Do It If I Could: Newly Discovered Family Of Jellyfish Wear Their Gonads Like A Crown

Now I know what you’re thinking , “But I don’t remember buying an underwater plane”. And that’s because I’m talking about Virgin Group, Richard Branson’s company , not virgin, you. You’re poor, remember? Guests on Necker Island, a retreat in the British Virgin Islands, will be able to dive underwater in a submarine dubbed the Necker Nymph for $25,000 a week. But that’s only after shelling out around $300,000 for a one-week stay on Necker, the private island owned by billionaire and Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson. Guests on Necker Island, a retreat in the British Virgin Islands, will be able to dive underwater in a submarine dubbed the Necker Nymph for $25,000 a week. But that’s only after shelling out around $300,000 for a one-week stay on Necker, the private island owned by billionaire and Virgin Group chairman Richard Branson. I guess that would be pretty cool, but it’s still a bit pricey. And by a bit pricey I mean you could pay scientists to splice porpoise and human DNA together and have sex with a mermaid for cheaper. Which I’m considering. Branson goes 20,000 leagues under the sea [cnnmoney] Thanks to Spartacus, who was like the Dale Jr. of Roman chariot races.

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Virgin Adds ‘Underwater Plane’ To Fleet

The $200,000 WaterCar is the lovechild of a Corvette that fell in love with a cigarette boat. But, like having sex with a mermaid , everyone will tell you it was just a manatee. Get a Corvette engine, rig it up with a Dominator Jet drive, and then strap it into a floating car, and you get the WaterCar Python, the fastest and highest-performing amphibious vehicle in the world. If zipping over the water at a top speed of 60mph doesn’t float your boat, it’ll accelerate on land at a neck-snapping 0-to-60 speed of a mere 4.5 seconds. Call me old fashioned, but I like all my vehicles single-purpose. If it drives on the road, I don’t want it in the ocean or sky. I mean, that’s just more stuff to go wrong. And wrong, my friends, is the opposite of right. And two Wrights made an airplane. ZING! Thanks for that one, dad. Hit the jump for several more shots and a video of the thing in action (worthwhile stuff starts at 0:50).

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Yeah, But Can It Fly?: Amphibious WaterCar Does 60MPH On Both Land And Sea

NOTE : If you’re reading this after 7:30AM Eastern you may be dead. As you may recall from the Pulitzer-winning article I wrote back in June (and an even ooolder article from April ‘06 ) , NASA plans to blow up the moon by crashing the $79 million Lunar Crater Observation and its Sensing Satellite (LCROSS) into the Cabeus crater on the moon’s south pole. When the twin crafts hit the lunar surface at around 6,000 mph, NASA expects “plumes of moon dust — perhaps full of ice — (to soar) 6.2 miles high above the moon’s Cabeus crater.” NASA hopes the explosion and resulting unmooning (see what I did there? Like unearthing!) will finally settle whether there’s ice and water under the moon’s surface. And, if so, if it’s potable. Nice, NASA — TOO BAD YOU’RE GONNA BLOW THE MOON IN TWO LIKE BUTTCHEEKS! And do you even know what that’s gonna do to the ocean’s tides? I mean, besides make for the most epic day of bodyboarding EVER. See you at the beach, suckers! NASA Will Bomb The Moon Tomorrow [io9] and NASA Attacks the Moon [yahoonews] Thanks to JFreezy, Sean, The Superficial Writer, Benjamin and moses, who are gonna finish the moon off with a giant laser if NASA’s plan doesn’t work.

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Well, It’s Been Nice Knowing You: NASA Plans To Blow Up The Moon Tomorrow Morning

This full-sized blue whale website comes to us from the Whale and Dolphin Conservation Society that urges everyone to “EAT MOR CHIKIN”. Kidding, those are the Chick-Fil-A cows. Damn, now I want a sandwich . Ladies? Anyway, the website was designed to give the average computer user a sense of awe for just how large the sandwich you better be making me should be. Crazy, huh? Those whales are huuuuuuge. And as a guy whose had his fair share of BBW lovers: motion of the ocean, baby. I don’t even know what that means, but I just bought a sailboat! Website Thanks to Shelby, who is a special f/x artist and could make even me look cool. On fire . While exploding. Riding a shark.

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Frickin’ Huge!: Full-Size Blue Whale Website