Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus , a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal* The virus, first reported by Wired magazine’s defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots’ every keystroke as they carry out their missions. “Military network security specialists aren’t sure whether the virus and its so-called ‘keylogger’ payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks,” the article says. “The specialists don’t know exactly how far the virus has spread.” Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: “Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas.” “Meh, they got a virus — no biggie.” NO BIGGIE?! That’s like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch . Don’t forget to pack them, parents — it’s the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn’t make them breakfast either. Combat drones’ computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes] Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I’d serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates’ Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG — CLASSIC!

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This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

Remember Boston Dynamics’ BigDog ? How could you forget, that lifelike f***er was terrifying . He still haunts my dreams at night . AND fantasies. Unthankfully, AlphaDog is now here to take his place. Did I mention he’s 10x quieter than his predecessor, can carry 400-lbs over 20-miles without stopping, and can’t even be pushed over by two grown-ass men? Because that’s all true. Plus — PLUS — he can roll himself back on his feet if he does go down . Me? I can’t even roll my dimply ass out of bed in the morning. I’m serious, it’s still lying there in cookie crumbs. Hit the jump for a short video demo, but skip to 0:50 for the really good stuff to start (attempted push-over, standing up from lying down).

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AlphaDog, BigDog’s New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won’t Save You

NOTE: No, I didn’t paint the eyebrows and mouth on in Photoshop, the creepy little f***er actually looks like that. Aberystwyth University (which, based on the name, probably teaches witchcraft) computer science professor James Law (hey — you’re not above it, bro!) has nominated iCub , the creepy robotic child , to be one of the torchbearers in the 2012 Olympic Games in London . *dousing iCub in gasoline and kicking down a hill* Per weak-ass justification: Law has suggested that the iCub robot, which is designed to learn from the world like a human toddler, should be given a chance to take part in the event as a tribute to legendary computer scientist Alan Turing . “2012 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, the founder of computer science and a figurehead for the code breaking efforts of WWII,” he said. “A robot torch bearer would be a fitting tribute to Alan Turing, and an inspiration to future generations of scientists and engineers.” Right, because what better way to celebrate physical human achievement than letting a robot participate? THAT MAKES ZERO F***ING SENSE. Listen — I’m all for celebrating Alan Turing, but the Olympics ARE NOT THE PLACE. No, the Olympics are a place for betting on sporting events you only get the opportunity to once every four years . You know, traditions and shit. Robot nominated to carry Olympic flame [newscientist] Thanks to Kane, who gets accosted in the street a lot and accused of killing Abel. No not Cain dammit — Kane, K-A-N-E.

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Over My Dead Body: Robot Child Nominated To Carry The Olympic Torch In 2012 Games

Because there’s absolutely no point, scientists have managed to create ‘living’ cells out of metals. Why? I JUST TOLD YOU, THERE’S NO REASON. Fine, FINE — it’s to prove that inorganic life could evolve somewhere in the cosmos. Are you happy now?! Because I’m sure as hell not. *tries to spit, dribbles down chin to dress* FUFUFUFUUUUUUUUUU! “Wait — let’s go back to the part where you’re wearing a dress.” You’d like that. To prove that it’s at least physically possible, a team from the University of Glasgow has created some cell-like bubbles call iCHELLs out of metallic elements like tungsten bonded with oxygen and phosphorus. These bubbles can self-assemble, and they exhibit many of the same properties that allow biological cells to do what they do, including an internal structure and a selectively porous outer membrane that can let other molecules pass through. It may even be possible to set the metallic cells up to perform photosynthesis. The tricky bit at this point is to figure out how to imbue the metallic cells with something like DNA to allow them to self-replicate and evolve, but this may in fact be possible: the bubbles can use each other as templates to create more bubbles, and experiments suggest that they may even be able to alter their own chemistry to adapt to different environments. Yeah, so in the process of proving inorganic life could evolve somewhere, we’re gonna wind up making some sort of sentient robotic race. That…sounds wonderful, really. Hold on, my gun just told me he wanted to talk to me. Yes, gun? “BLAM!” Cool story bro. Also, I don’t really understand why this is even news considering I’ve known cells could be made out of metal for years . Get it?! Jail. I’ve spent time there. Researchers developing new form of life that’s made of metal [dvice] Thanks to The Dude and Tim, who agree cells have always been made out of metal.

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ROBOTS OF THE FUTURE: Scientists Create Living Cells Out Of Inorganic Metals

This is a video from Cornell University of two artificial intelligence systems talking to each other. They’re nonsensical and rude, even to their own kind. Plus they pronounce Cleverbot “Cleverbutt”, which gave me a serious case of the giggles. And by giggles I mean runs, because God decided to play a trick on me and make my coccyx my funny bone. *shakes fist at heaven clenching buttcheeks* Hit the jump for a solid minute of WTF.

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WTF WAS THAT?: Two Artificial Intelligence ‘Cleverbots’ Having A Rude Conversation

Seen here ready to punch a hole through a viewing portal and kill everyone on board, Robonaut 2 ( I killed the first one ) poses for the camera. Robonaut just woke from from his slumber aboard the International Space Station , and is ready to get to work picking off its crew members one by one. I’m serious, I just saw him slip something into the space ice cream! Don’t worry — I’ll dispose of it all in my cabin. Ground controllers turned Robonaut 2 on Monday for the first time since it was delivered to the International Space Station in February. The test involved sending power to all of Robonaut’s systems. The robot was not commanded to move; that will happen next week. “Those electrons feel GOOD! One small step for man, one giant leap for tinman kind,” Robonaut posted in a Twitter update. The four visible light cameras that serve as Robonaut’s eyes turned on in the gold-colored head, as did the infrared camera, located in the robot’s mouth and needed for depth perception. One of Robonaut’s tweets showed the view inside the American lab, Destiny. “Sure wish I could move my head and look around,” Robonaut said in the tweet. Oh you’d like that, wouldn’t you, Robonaut?! WELL TOO BAD! *hacks NASA, reprograms Astrobot to self destruct* So like, can I get one of those cool NASA mission patches for saving the lives of everyone on board? “Stay put, the authorities should be arriving shortly.” OMG — am I gonna be in a parade?!?! Robot astronaut wakes up in space [cbcnews] Thanks to SmellzLikeSheez (I’m sorry, it was the breakfast burrito) and Matt G, who agree the only good robot in space is one set on a course directly at the sun.

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Robotic Astronaut Awakens Aboard Int’l Space Station, Loss Of Contact With ISS Imminent

This is a video of several mosquitoes going to town (sucking blood, NOT boning) on some dude’s arm. Why you’d allow that sort of behavior is beyond me, but I suspect it has something to do with dude hoping one of them is radioactive so he can be become Mosquito Man and supervillain his ass into a bank vault. If you’re squeamish, I don’t really recommend watching it. I can honestly say I’ve never needed to watch mosquitoes sucking in high definition until their abdomens are all bloated and red with freshly-sucked blood. Now that I think about, I don’t need to see that in low definition. Shit, or scrambled like a porn channel you don’t pay for! The point is, I regret watching it. You can’t get malaria just from watching mosquitoes, right? “Can you get pregnant just from watching porn?” Good point, I should get tested. Hit the jump and start feeling like phantom bugs are crawling around all over you.

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GAAAAAAH!: Mosquitoes Sucking Blood In HD

Note: Video disturbing — dead dancing squid. This is a short video of a very appetizing looking squid bowl that, when soy sauce is applied, begins to dance. It’s disturbing as all f***. Apparently the squid is (possibly) dead though, if that helps you sleep any better at night. Me? I’m vegetarian so I’ll sleep like a baby. “Lightly and waking up every couple hours to eat or cry?” You know it! The basic idea behind the sodium in the soy sauce causing the legs to move has been covered in the comments, but there’s still some question as to whether or not it’s officially “dead” at the time of serving. The brain is probably still in the body, but a significant part of its nervous system, the giant axon, seems to extend into the mantle, which has been cut. I’m not an expert on squids so I can’t really come to a definite conclusion about that. Oh hellllllllllllllllllllll no. Call me old fashioned, but I don’t like my dinner moving around. Lovers, yes. *poking with a stick* HONEY?! Hit the jump and be disturbed.

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The Opposite Of Okay: ‘Dancing Squid Bowl’

This is a series of baby dolls customized by eBay seller artfulbabies to look like newborn Harry Potter characters . In case you couldn’t tell because you don’t even know like a single magic spell , the burn-it-with-fire demon spawn here is Lord Voldemort . The rest of them aren’t nearly as terrifying, but still somewhat so because of just how lifelike they look. In my opinion, it should be illegal to manufacture a fake baby that look any more realistic than a Cabbage Patch Doll. And by Cabbage Patch Doll I mean a stick with a face drawn on. Have you ever even been baby doll shopping before? Those things are EXPENSIVE. *ahem* I’m looking at you, American Girl doll company! $36 for one tiny-ass outfit for my niece’s doll . I could get TWO entire Geekologie Writer outfits for that! “Damn GW — what the f*** do you wear?!” Ha, nothing but $18 bourbon, baby. Hit the jump for a bunch more in this order: another Voldemort, Dobby the House Elf, Remus Lupin, Nymphadora Tonks, Severus Snape, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermoine and Harry himself.

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GW Casts "Can Unsee", It Isn’t Super Effective: Terrifying Harry Potter Character Baby Dolls

Seen here looking like the cross between an alien vagina and my monitor about to be covered in pre-chewed breakfast burrito , the robotic armpit designed by Kevin Grennan (who is clearly a sicko to the nth degree) shows off its first pubes. Why make a robotic armpit? GOOD F***ING QUESTION, KEVIN. The idea behind it is that it can interact with humans using their sense of smell. So if this was installed on a bomb-sniffing robot, for example, it could emit the smell of human fear. A nice idea, but if I was hanging out with a robot that had just detected a bomb, I’d want something a little more obvious and clear, like an alarm… The whole thing works by releasing a chemical called androstadienone, which is found in male sweat. My armpits smell like chili-cheese hotdogs with onions and relish aside, you know what else is found in male sweat? Sperm. It’s true, that’s why my bedsheets glow under blacklight. *whistling* This robotic armpit exists for some reason [dvice] Thanks to Robbie, who has a female armpit fetish and said I could tell everyone provided I don’t mention his last name. Benesh . JK JK! Erickson.

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Needs More Axe (The Blade, Not The Body Spray): A Scent-Producing Robotic Armpit