Because real baby actors are annoying to work with (moody, whining, will shit on set), an anonymous soap opera (please don’t say Days of our Lives ) recently had this animatronic robot baby commissioned for use in a scene. Hopefully the one where the couple finds out their baby is a robot and shoots it into the sun. “Like Superman?” No, his parents missed. Hit the jump for the last thing I’d ever want coming out of my vagina.

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Creepy Animatronic Baby Made For Soap Opera

Because using your real-life hand is just far too simple and inexpensive, Taylor Veltrop managed to hack together an XBox Kinect , Wii, head-mounted video goggles, a little treadmill and a $16,000 robot to remotely groom a cat . Wow, the cat looks thrilled about it too. In Veltrop’s setup, the HMD provides him with the robot’s viewpoint and also controls the Nao’s head and neck–whichever way the operator turns his head, the robot moves in kind. Wiimotes are used to control each hand, while the rest of the robot’s bodily movements are generated by cues picked up by the Kinect. So when Veltrop walks forward on a treadmill, the robot begins walking forward. If he turns sideways the robot rotates itself in place. Cat grooming aside, the implications of this tele-presence avatar technology actually sound pretty promising. Namely in the realm of adult entertainment . That’s right, folks — virtual avatar sex. *puts on virtual reality goggles, slams peener in desk drawer* “…Why’d you do that?” I don’t know but I’m regretting it. Hit the jump for the robotic avatar tele-presence cat grooming or whatever the f*** it is in action.

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Man Hacks Together Kinect, Wii, Video Goggles, Treadmill And Little Robot To Virtually Groom Cat

This is a video of some idiot trying to run over his girlfriend in a truck after she ducks into a gas station for safety. He misses her, but manages to hit the owner after plowing though the entire store . But the excitement doesn’t stop there, oh no! Captain Roadkill then gets out of the truck, leaves the store, steals another woman’s SUV that was left at the pump, and tries to make a quick getaway BEFORE CRASHING HEAD-ON INTO A BREAD TRUCK because he didn’t look both ways. F***, even Michael Bay couldn’t even make an action scene this exciting! Get it? Because he sucks. Hit the jump for the there ought to be a special place for people like this. “Like prison?” Even specialer.

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Failure At Life Drives Truck Through Gas Station Trying To Run Over Girlfriend

In news that can only be described as bad, a group of autonomous quadrocopters at the Swiss Federal Institute of Technology have successfully built a 20-foot tower out of foam blocks. *adding Switzerland to shit list* Neutral my ass! But seriously, I want you to think about this for a second: autonomous robots are building things on their own . Do you know how hard it is to build something? One year I tried to build a birdhouse but the roof caved in and killed a family of cardinals. Kidding, there was no roof because I accidentally glued it to my leg. My point is this: robots are building things and BUILDING things is much harder than DESTROYING things. You do the math . “12 x 12 = 124″ Okaaaaaaay , one more guess but this time time use your phone’s calculator. Hit the jump for some brick-laying in action.

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Autonomous Quadrocopters Build 20-Foot Tower

Those are people in the background. This is Titanoboa, a 50-foot long robotic snake weighing over 2,000-pounds that was modeled after the actual prehistoric snake of the same name and size . I say we kill it and turn it into cowboy boots . Or lady’s handbags — I don’t f***ing care, the important thing is that it’s killed. The final product will have a more polished-looking skin and, if all goes well, be able to move underwater. Eventually, Titanoboa will support a rider, just like its relative, the Mondo Spider, which was built by the same group. Brinson says Titanoboa is supposed to strike terror in people’s hearts by forcing them to contemplate historical climate change. Of cooooooourse — climate change . It was so easy to connect those dots. Giant robotic snake, climate change — like two peas in a pod in an alternate universe where that actually makes any sense. “Don’t you get it? The original Titanoboa was extincted by climate change.” YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT! “Well it’s true.” Oh right, and you just expect me to believe some internet commenter? You said I eat penises in my last article! Hit the jump for a video of Roboconda in action.

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Not Cool: Titanoboa, A 50-Foot, 1-Ton Robotic Snake

Cats : they’re supposed to stand on all four feet. Granted sometimes they’ll sit on three with a back one in the air and lick their genitals in front of company, but that’s because they’re terrible hosts. Dammit Archimedes — at least set out the hors d’ oeuvres first! Recently, there have been sightings of bipedal Frankenfelines , and this is another. Except this guy doesn’t actually go anywhere, he just stands there . It’s like how they teach you if you’re ever surrounded by hyenas you’re supposed to hold your hands above your head so they think you’re too tall to f*** with. What? I was raised in the bush . Just kidding, but I did work in a Lowe’s home & garden department one summer. Hit the jump for the OH HELLLLLLLL NO, YOU GET DOWN FROM THERE THIS INSTANCE! (instance is the new instant fyi)

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Get Down From There!: Devil Cat Learns To Stand

A video of robots struttin’ their asses to the Bee Gee’s classic, ‘Stayin’ Alive’? Of course. This IS the internet , people. Hit the jump for the video.

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Boston Dynamic’s PETMAN And Big Dog Strutting To The Bee Gee’s ‘Stayin’ Alive’

Because what could be better than a bunch of unmanned flying death machines getting infected with a a computer virus , a bunch of unmanned flying death machines have been infected with a computer virus. *crosses fingers for something terminal* The virus, first reported by Wired magazine’s defense blog, is allegedly logging pilots’ every keystroke as they carry out their missions. “Military network security specialists aren’t sure whether the virus and its so-called ‘keylogger’ payload were introduced intentionally or by accident; it may be a common piece of malware that just happened to make its way into these sensitive networks,” the article says. “The specialists don’t know exactly how far the virus has spread.” Reuters posted a story that says the drones continue to carry out missions even with the virus. The article also quotes an unnamed source who said: “Something is going on, but it has not had any impact on the missions overseas.” “Meh, they got a virus — no biggie.” NO BIGGIE?! That’s like sending a kid to school with chicken pox! Or, even worse, no lunch . Don’t forget to pack them, parents — it’s the most important meal of their day. Get it?! Because you didn’t make them breakfast either. Combat drones’ computer systems reportedly infected with virus [latimes] Thanks to Jeff, Admiral Tits (I’d serve under you any day!) and Colin, who once used keystroke loggers to get their roommates’ Facebook passwords, then changed all their profile pictures to penises. OMG — CLASSIC!

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This Will End Well: Unmanned Combat Drones Infected With Computer Virus

Remember Boston Dynamics’ BigDog ? How could you forget, that lifelike f***er was terrifying . He still haunts my dreams at night . AND fantasies. Unthankfully, AlphaDog is now here to take his place. Did I mention he’s 10x quieter than his predecessor, can carry 400-lbs over 20-miles without stopping, and can’t even be pushed over by two grown-ass men? Because that’s all true. Plus — PLUS — he can roll himself back on his feet if he does go down . Me? I can’t even roll my dimply ass out of bed in the morning. I’m serious, it’s still lying there in cookie crumbs. Hit the jump for a short video demo, but skip to 0:50 for the really good stuff to start (attempted push-over, standing up from lying down).

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AlphaDog, BigDog’s New & Improved Older Brother: Running For The Hills Won’t Save You

NOTE: No, I didn’t paint the eyebrows and mouth on in Photoshop, the creepy little f***er actually looks like that. Aberystwyth University (which, based on the name, probably teaches witchcraft) computer science professor James Law (hey — you’re not above it, bro!) has nominated iCub , the creepy robotic child , to be one of the torchbearers in the 2012 Olympic Games in London . *dousing iCub in gasoline and kicking down a hill* Per weak-ass justification: Law has suggested that the iCub robot, which is designed to learn from the world like a human toddler, should be given a chance to take part in the event as a tribute to legendary computer scientist Alan Turing . “2012 will mark the 100th anniversary of the birth of Alan Turing, the founder of computer science and a figurehead for the code breaking efforts of WWII,” he said. “A robot torch bearer would be a fitting tribute to Alan Turing, and an inspiration to future generations of scientists and engineers.” Right, because what better way to celebrate physical human achievement than letting a robot participate? THAT MAKES ZERO F***ING SENSE. Listen — I’m all for celebrating Alan Turing, but the Olympics ARE NOT THE PLACE. No, the Olympics are a place for betting on sporting events you only get the opportunity to once every four years . You know, traditions and shit. Robot nominated to carry Olympic flame [newscientist] Thanks to Kane, who gets accosted in the street a lot and accused of killing Abel. No not Cain dammit — Kane, K-A-N-E.

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Over My Dead Body: Robot Child Nominated To Carry The Olympic Torch In 2012 Games