Note: Picture is of Volkswagen’s 20-story robotic parking garage. A $650-million, 57-story highrise designed by Porsche is going up in Sunny Isles Beach, Florida and will feature a robotic car elevator that takes condo owners directly to their door while still in the vehicle. That…sounds convenient. Convenient and terrifying. I guess that’s the price you pay for not having to carry groceries. Carry groceries, LOL — units are $9-million . After the resident pulls over and switches off the engine, a robotic arm that works much like an automatic plank will scoop up the car and put it into the elevator. Once at the desired floor, the same robotic arm will park the car, leaving the resident nearly in front of his front door. The glass elevators will give residents and their guests unparalleled views of the city or of the ocean during their high-speed ride, expected to last 45 to 90 seconds. The 57-story luxury tower will have 132 units. Smaller units will be allocated two parking spaces and larger ones will have four, with 284 robotic parking spaces in total. There will be three elevators. Residents will be able to see their cars from their living rooms. Can you hear that? It’s my Explorer crying because he’ll never get to experience this. “He’s not crying , he’s leaking oil.” Yeah I call that crying. “Well at least put a flattened piece of cardboard down.” Tissues — I call those tissues. At planned Sunny Isles Beach condo, cars and drivers ride elevator home [miamiherald] Thanks to daniel, who just lands his helicopter on the roof like a normal filthy rich person.

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57-Story Porsche Designed Highrise Features Car Elevator That Drops Both Car And Resident Off At Unit

I actually posted The Deli Garage’s food spraypaint last year , but that was before they were advertising the shit WITH GOLDEN CHICKENS . Which — you think they lay golden eggs? God, where were you on this, McDonalds? Just think: “Strike it rich in taste this fall with our all-new golden nuggets !” That one was free, the rest are gonna cost you….IN McRIBS. The tasteless (both kinds!) paint comes in gold, silver, pink and blue and costs $35 a can. Wait — $35 A CAN?! Craft glitter it is. Hit the jump for a couple more delicious-looking metallic treats and a link to the product page.

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No Longer Just Huffable: Edible Spraypaint

Sexy finger-biting: you give it a bad name. In between getting boned or whatever scenes, p0rn stars Alana Evans and Misti Dawn are apparently hard core gamers . So what are they doing? Opening a website that combines video game reviews, playthroughs and a bunch of other garbo, but with toplessness . Now listen: I love man as much as the next boobs, but this shit sounds lame. ” Um…GW? ” I MEANT WHAT I SAID. Evans came up with the initial idea to combine pornography and game coverage, and invited Dawn to the project straight away. “Misti is probably the most dedicated gamer girl I know, so she was the obvious choice as my partner,” said Evans. The launch date - September 20 - is also no accident: Evans chose the site’s launch date to coincide with the release of Gears of War 3. “I am a huge Gears of War fan,” Evans explained. Gamers will be able to watch and communicate with Evans and Dawn in real-time via Xbox Live and PlayStation Network Call me oldschool, but I like to keep my video games and p0rn separate, you know? It’s like, until we have lifelike virtual reality sex games, why blur the line? “Pfft, what’s the worst that could happen?” HA — obviously you’ve never come home to a roommate masturbating to Resident Evil before. *ahem* Derek! NSFW NSFW PwnedByGirls Official Site NSFW NSFW via Porn Stars Start Topless Gaming Site [escapistmagazine] Thanks to Grant, who agrees the Leisure Suit Larry franchise was the perfect blend of video games and sex.

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P0rn Stars Opening Adult Content Gaming Site

You ever wanted to eat an entire human-sized brain made out of bubble-gum flavored gummi ? God, you must spend a small fortune at the movie snackbar. But now your sickening dream can become reality my soon-to-be diabetic friend, all thanks to Firebox’s (NOT Fire fox’s ) 7-pound, $32 Giant Gummi Brain. That is like *doing math* 7-pounds too many. Know what I’m sayin’? I’m saying one time I mushed four packs of Sour Patch Kid Watermelons into a big ball and washed it down with a Hi-C the size of a kiddy pool. Best movie experience ever? I think so! (I got such an uncontrollable sugar high I tore an entire row of seats out of the ground) Product Site via Full-Size Gummy Human Brain Will Turn You Into a Sugar Zombie [gizmodo] Thanks to Daisy, who brought a human-sized brain made out of Pop-Rocks to a party once and seven people died.

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I’m Puking Already: Live-Size Gummi Brain

British men, upset that woman get to have all the ’sticker crystals on your privates’ fun, have finally gotten their wish with Pejazzles: peel-off Swarovski crystal stickers for your wiener. LOOK LOOK — mine says ‘RAWR’! ‘Women don’t necessarily want a rough and ready man. Some prefer a man who’s groomed and takes care of himself. It’s each to their own,’ But can a man really be taken seriously while decorated with Swarovski crystals - especially ‘down there’ ‘Men wear diamond watches and bling earrings - this is no different ,’ I’m gonna go ahead and go out on a sturdy limb wiener here and argue that, no, penis crystals ARE actually different. Not sure how many times you failed the analogies portion of standardized tests, but my guess is every single one. I can see it now: Question 37. Diamond watches : bling earrings : : diamond cufflinks : WIENER JEWELLLLS!!!!11 After vajazzling comes pejazzling [dailymail] Thanks to ross and Manda, who agree the last thing any guy needs is a bunch of plastic penis stickers coming off inside their girlfriend.

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Your Wiener, Now With More Stick-On Crystals

I’m pretty sure that’s an animal’s penis. You know what the problem with touchscreens are? Nothing. Well, except when you want to use one in the bathtub but can’t because your hands are all wet from playing submarine penis hunter or whatever. I sometimes use my touchphone in the bath. I know it’s stupid. One problem I encounter is that when put my left hand in the water without thinking, it gets wet and unusable for touchscreen navigation. It is too risky to try to hold and navigate with one hand. I found that I could use my nose to scroll but I couldn’t see where my nose was touching precisely. It was at that point that I came up with this idea of a nose extension ‘finger’ that would allow navigation while my phone is firmly held by one hand. It reminds me of those beak-like doctor’s masks from the plague era. You know, like you see in the Assassin’s creed franchise. So yeah, that’s what it reminds me of. Plus a polar bear’s schlong. Hit the jump for a couple more shots AND VIDEO.

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Hands-Free Nose/Beak Touchscreen Stylus

Note: The I’m not spoiling it video is after the jump. If you haven’t seen this yet you should watch it. I can’t really say anything without ruining it except it all starts as a routine traffic stop (for driving with an odd number of headlights under two) in Russia [insert "in Soviet Russia, the police need you " joke here]. Any idea what’s going to happen? Take a guess and then hit the jump to watch. Ooooor be a dick and ruin it for everybody else. Which — female flasher falls out a speeding car’s window! Haha, beat you to it! Just kidding, that’s not what happens. That would be equally watchable though. Even more so in slow-mo. Hit it and solve the mystery.

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Pfft, Sissy: Russian Traffic Stop Gone Wrong

GIANT SQUIDS ARE GIANT. How giant ? Try 8-feet long and 100 pounds of pure, unadulterated (okay, slightly adulterated) killing machine . I’m never going to another (nude) beach again! Millions of killer giant squid are not only devouring vast amounts of fish they have even started attacking humans. Two Mexican fishermen were recently dragged from their boats and chewed so badly that their bodies could not be identified even by their own families. No wonder the giant squid are called “diablos rojos” - red devils. Since 2002, Humboldt giant squid, named after the 18th century German explorer, have been spreading their tentacles to deplete fishing stocks by moving from their traditional tropical hunting grounds off Mexico and laying claim to a vast sweep of the Pacific. Hunting in 1,000-strong packs the giant squid can out-swim and out-think fish. Scientists believe they coordinate attacks by using pigment cells to communicate. See? I told you we should have filled the oceans with concrete. Now we’re all as good as dead. Except me, because my rocketship is near completion and I’m getting the f*** out of here. And by getting the f*** out of here I obviously mean exploding on the launchpad, but whatever, the point is I’m gone. MAN EATING GIANT SQUID DEVOURING FISH STOCKS [express] (I love your jeans!) Thanks to Lauren!, who’s convinced they’re actually aliens from another planet. You know what? I think you’re onto something. Possibly drugs.

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Giant Squids Depleting Fish Populations, Now Turning Their Hungry Tentacles To Humans

This is a short video demonstrating Vecna Robotics’ B.E.A.R. (Battlefield Extraction-Assist Robot). It was allegedly designed to help carry wounded soldiers off the battlefield , but the video also shows its adeptness at smashing through doors , breaking car windows , lifting weights, picking up missiles and transforming/rolling out. Truly frightening. Reminds me of that scene in Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan gets his legs shot off in Vietnam and tells Forrest to leave him but Forrest won’t because he’s a stupid jerk and can’t even respect a man’s dying wishes. THANK A LOT, MORON. Ooooh, is that shrimp cocktail? Hit the jump for a video of operation Shock ‘n Awe Dismember in action (also available in HD!).

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Not Cool: Frightening Robot Demonstration

I can barely sit in traffic for five minutes without screaming and threatening to kill everyone else around me, but nine days ? I’d nuke the entire damn planet . Shit, the moon too . What?! I’m not crapping in the backseat again! Thousands of vehicles were bogged down Monday in a more than 100-kilometre (62-mile) traffic jam leading to Beijing that has lasted nine days and highlights China’s growing road congestion woes. The Beijing-Tibet expressway slowed to a crawl on August 14 due to a spike in traffic by cargo-bearing heavy trucks heading to the capital, and compounded by road maintenance work that began five days later, the Global Times said. The state-run newspaper said the jam between Beijing and Jining city had given birth to a mini-economy with local merchants capitalising on the stranded drivers’ predicament by selling them water and food at inflated prices. No lie: I’d rather do anything than sit in traffic. Including dying . “But GW, it’s just traffic — is it really worth losing your life over?” Yes, it 100% is. “Then, uh, why the hell did you move to LA?” Listen — enough with the questions, smart-ass! China’s nine-day traffic jam stretches 100km [yahoonews] Thanks to Jane, pomeberry and Mikel, who have all rolled out of moving cars before to avoid traffic jams. Impressive!

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OMG — I’d Be Road Raging My Face Off!: Beijing’s Nine-Day, 62-Mile Traffic Jam