This is a short video demonstrating Vecna Robotics’ B.E.A.R. (Battlefield Extraction-Assist Robot). It was allegedly designed to help carry wounded soldiers off the battlefield , but the video also shows its adeptness at smashing through doors , breaking car windows , lifting weights, picking up missiles and transforming/rolling out. Truly frightening. Reminds me of that scene in Forrest Gump where Lieutenant Dan gets his legs shot off in Vietnam and tells Forrest to leave him but Forrest won’t because he’s a stupid jerk and can’t even respect a man’s dying wishes. THANK A LOT, MORON. Ooooh, is that shrimp cocktail? Hit the jump for a video of operation Shock ‘n Awe Dismember in action (also available in HD!).

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Not Cool: Frightening Robot Demonstration

I can barely sit in traffic for five minutes without screaming and threatening to kill everyone else around me, but nine days ? I’d nuke the entire damn planet . Shit, the moon too . What?! I’m not crapping in the backseat again! Thousands of vehicles were bogged down Monday in a more than 100-kilometre (62-mile) traffic jam leading to Beijing that has lasted nine days and highlights China’s growing road congestion woes. The Beijing-Tibet expressway slowed to a crawl on August 14 due to a spike in traffic by cargo-bearing heavy trucks heading to the capital, and compounded by road maintenance work that began five days later, the Global Times said. The state-run newspaper said the jam between Beijing and Jining city had given birth to a mini-economy with local merchants capitalising on the stranded drivers’ predicament by selling them water and food at inflated prices. No lie: I’d rather do anything than sit in traffic. Including dying . “But GW, it’s just traffic — is it really worth losing your life over?” Yes, it 100% is. “Then, uh, why the hell did you move to LA?” Listen — enough with the questions, smart-ass! China’s nine-day traffic jam stretches 100km [yahoonews] Thanks to Jane, pomeberry and Mikel, who have all rolled out of moving cars before to avoid traffic jams. Impressive!

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OMG — I’d Be Road Raging My Face Off!: Beijing’s Nine-Day, 62-Mile Traffic Jam

This is a print ad for the new Volkswagen Fox touting an all new, redesigned interior (then why is there still a steering wheel ?!). Unfortunately, it looks like they put it on the wrong side. You gonna be sittin’ on a tire with a windshield wiper for a seatbelt! Inside Out Car [gizmodo] Thanks to Jose, who doesn’t drive a car, he drives women wild . Yeah you do!

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Let Me Guess — You Swung Over The Bar: Inside-Out Car Looks Hard To Keep Clean

Want to pretend you’re a giant robot ? I will f***ing kill you. But if you’re determined to die by my hand go ahead and pick up a pair of $85 Giant Cardboard Robot Arms from Etsy seller giantcardboardrobot , then give me a call . I’ll be waiting drinking. Arm yourself with giant cardboard robot arms! Perfect for giant robot hugs, super high high-fives, & terrorizing small children. Customize them just for you! Cover them in stickers, paint them, glue stuff to them, or add lights. Treat your new arms as your cardboard canvas. Each arm is approximately 5′ 6″ in length (about 3 feet longer from where your hands will grab), 9″ x 9″ in width. The arms allow for both 90 bending motion in the elbows as well as 360 rotation of the wrist. The arms break down into easily assembled component parts. You know what they say about a guy with giant cardboard robot arms, don’t you? He’s trying to compensate for something . Probably not having a soul, since that’s what differentiates man from machine. I will burn your heartless ass alive, Wannabe-Bot! Now transform and roll out back while I find the lighter fluid. Hit the jump for three more shots and another link to the seller’s Etsy if you’ve really decided it’s your time to go.

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You’ll Only Burn Faster, Card-Bot!: Giant Cardboard Robot Arms Available On Etsy

Free booze : want. Bullet earphones : do not want. These Teknines Nine Millimeter Earphones from MUNITO look like bullets but they are in fact earphones. The copper alloy cases are gold plated and the cords are covered in Kevlar, and yes you will look like a pathetic wannabe gangster if you go out and spend the $250 it costs to get a pair. $250?! Are you out of your gotdamn mind?! I’ll tell you what — you bring me twos shotgun shells and I’ll make you some real earbuds . Plus every pair comes with a free story! One about you and I getting a little farm together and livin’ off the fat of the land. Plus raising rabbits! (That’s when I blow your brains out) Teknines: 9mm Earphones Let You Pay Lots of Money to Look Like a Fool [uberreview]

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You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me: Bullet Earbuds

This is a picture of two people with the images of their profiles reversed. It’s a terrible misuse of Photoshop and I don’t like it. Not one bit. I don’t care if the chick has tits on her back, she’s giving me nightmares. And, if I play my cards right, a hug. Reversed Profiles Are the Next Photoshop Weirdness [gizmodo]

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Cousin It, Is That You?: Reverse Profiles

This is a mic stand that looks like a robotic hand . I want to smash it with my guitar and set it on fire , just like Jimi Hendrix would’ve. It was designed and built by artist Chris Conte ( THIS JERK ) for Adam Gontier, the front man of Three Days Grace.” Now I’ve never even heard of Three Days Grace, and you better believe I’m not gonna start listening now. As a matter of fact, I bet you $4 if you play their album backwards it’s all about robot worship and cyborg orgies. Not cool, guys, not cool. The greatest mic stand ever made [dvice]

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No Thank You: Terminator Hand Mic Stand

Hanako is a Japanese robot patient used to train aspiring dentists . I don’t know about you, but if I was operating on that thing I would drill every single one of its teeth out sans drugs . Then crowbar it in the face and call its mother Robocop. Hanako will respond when greeted and asked several questions, and will react to the dental student working on its mouth. She can open and close her mouth when ordered, perform random actions such as a sneeze and even discharge saliva. Touch sensors in her mouth will have her wincing in pain if a press is too hard or an instrument goes somewhere it shouldn’t, or gag violently if things go south. “….if things go south”?!? I’m not putting my wiener anywhere near that thing! Hit the jump for a video of Hanako in action.

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Needs More Fillings: Robotic Dentistry Patient

Send a ball , that’s how. Or nothing. Honestly, I’d prefer nothing. At least you won’t piss my mailman off (he already f***s up all my packages). Send a Ball, the online store that lets you create personalized inflatable balls for any occasion, made its ABC Shark Tank debut tonight. Here’s how the business started: “One day I [co-founder Michele) was in Osco, saw a BIN of bouncy balls, grabbed one and thought “I can mail this”. Took a sharpie, addressed it to my BFF Sharon, wrote “Have BALL with your new baby”, went to the post office and mailed it.” Balls start at $20 and include shipment to anywhere in the US. Which, for a $1 ball and $1 worth of postage, is a 1,000% markup. Which I think we can all agree, is the American way. Also: fat with a false sense of entitlement. News video with two annoying chicks after the jump.

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How To: Disappoint A Friend On Their Birthday

You ever seen a robot-child pulling a kid around in a rickshaw? Now you have. And I think I speak for all of us when I say, “I want to cut its legs off and steal those glasses”. A creepy kid’s ride where they ride other (robot) kids, in the SM City Marikina mall in the Philippines. This is wrong on so many levels, we don’t know where to begin. Damnit, the Philippines. I’ve already got both hands full(!) keeping Japan’s collective robo-boner in check and you go and pull some shit like this. Believe me, you don’t want to follow in the footsteps of Japan (except for the worn-panty vending machines — those things draw hella-tourism). Youtube Thanks to Dj Azer, who would have tripped that kid and stole his wagon.

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Okaaaay: Child Riding In Robot Slave Buggy