Because themed engagement photos are all the rage these days (you crazy kids!), Geekologie Reader Sean K. and his bride-to-be decided to spice up their photoshoot in the park with a ninja attack . Aaaaaaaand these are those pictures. Because if there’s one thing that brings a couple closer, it’s killing a complete stranger together. Trust me (one time a date and I accidentally ran over a bum and she wanted to drive straight to Vegas to tie the knot). Hit the jump for several more of the battle, but be sure to check out the link to the photographer’s Flickr for the entire set (which may or may yes include a vagrant checking the dead ninja’s pockets for cash!).

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Martial Arts Marriage: Ninja Attack Engagement Photos

Yeaaaaaaah, can you turn the creep-factor down a couple notches, bro? This is Shadow on patrol. He’s a ninja . Or at least he says he is. He’s been patrolling the small town of Yeovil in Somerset, England at night with a foam sword for the past six years. But during the day he’s 33-year old Ken Andre, security guard, beloved husband and father of two. Boringest superhero backstory ever? Absolutely. And in six years how many people has he saved? I dunno, but one time he did scare off a group of kids that were shooting swans with bb guns, so that’s something. Not something I’d choose to share in an interview about my ninja-ing exploits, but I’m also a real ninja who kills people on the reg. This guy walks around like he’s caressing a giant Pokeball and is clearly an imposter. Proof: “During the day, he can frequently be found patrolling areas where he thinks trouble may flair.” LOL @ “can frequently be found” — NINJA FAIL! Hit the jump for the I’m totally gonna start doing this.

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Shadow The Self Proclaimed Ninja Has Been Patrolling Small English Town For Six Years

A grappling hook : you’re a shitty ninja without one. You have like, GOT to have one if you ever want to be taken seriously . Also, throwing stars and a cool name. Me? I’m Shadow Strike, the Silent but Violent Assassin. “Nobody calls you that.” Of course not — I’ve killed everyone I’ve told. QUICK, BEHIND YOU — IT’S ME! Too slow, I really was there though. You were reading Geekologie. Your B.O. aside, MIT student Christian Reed created a grappling hook gun out of an empty fire extinguisher and some other supplies and posted an Instructable online. A couple problems: 1. it’s loud, effectively blowing any element of surprise and 2. it doesn’t shoot nearly as far as anybody but THE most uncoordinated could swing a regular grappling hook. Sooooooooo, basically it’s a really shitty t-shirt gun. Over here, OVER HERE! Hit the jump for a video of the ‘you will never climb through a window’ using that thing in action.

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Homemade Fire Extinguisher Grappling Hook

THERE — IN THE BACK BY THE iPADS! Some spaz, dressed as a ninja and driving a stolen Honda Accord, crashed the vehicle into the plate-glass front of an Apple store in Greensboro, North Carolina with the intent of burglary. Buuuuuuuut then got scared and ran away without stealing anything. Dude’s good. The suspect was dressed in what a witness told 107.5 KZL resembled a ninja suit, drove through the store’s plate glass windows early Friday then ran away without taking anything. A security guard in the store was not hurt in the 4:45 a.m. incident. Police said the Honda that was abandoned at the store was reported stolen more than an hour after the crash.around 6 a.m. HA — you can pretty much forget about ever making that ‘top 10 ninjas of all time’ list! Please tell me you at least took out a couple security cameras with throwing stars. No? Just peed a little and ran away? Your ass wouldn’t even make the Foot Clan! ‘Ninja’ Crashes Car into Apple Store in Greensboro [myfox8] Thanks to clothing5, who lives in Greensboro and once rode his bike over a bunch of 4-foot fluorescent tubes during his annual neighborhood stunt spectacular. I’m impressed!

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Thieving ‘Ninja’ Drives Car Through Apple Store, Runs Away Before Stealing Anything

This is a video of Snake Eyes practicing his ninja-ing in G.I. Joe’s highly sophisticated training arena his backyard while being critiqued by a sun sculpture, a buddha statue, a skull coffee mug, some free weights, and two sets of horseshoes. One thing’s for certain: if you’re a gallon of milk , 2-liter soda bottle or jug of kitty litter, this is NOT the ninja to f*** with. But if you have at least a broken nunchuck and any coordination whatsoever you could easily kill the poor bastard. Unless he whips out his bow & arrow , in which case he’ll probably do it himself. Remember Snake Eyes: Knowing when to quit is half the battle. Hit the jump for a video of G.I. Joe’s latest rejection letter in action.

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Snake Eyes Practicing His Ninja Moves

This is a sessy video of a pole dancing ninja that, for at least part of her routine, performs with her sword out. An actual sword FYI, that wasn’t a euphemism for a man-hammer. Or was it? It wasn’t so just go watch the video. Pole dancing ninjas : they’re not as uncommon as you’d expect. Just sayin’, strippers have stolen my wallet more times than I’d like to admit. FINE, ELEVEN TIMES, ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?! I need one of those wallet chains but I don’t want people to think I’m a Juggalo. Hit the jump for the *slash* OH GOD PLEASE TELL ME THAT PART OF THE ACT.

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Pole Dancing Ninja Performs With A Sword

Ninjabread Men are ninja -shaped cookie cutters from Fred & Friends so you can stage little cookie fights in your highchair while mommy fixes dinner . Just don’t knock over your sippy cup! These stealthy warriors are set to sneak into your kitchen and stage a cookie coup! Cut, bake, decorate…and then watch them disappear! Ninjabread Men are molded from rugged, food-safe ABS plastic and packaged in a colorful giftbox. True story: one time I was baking a batch of ninja cookies when the buzzer went off I opened the oven door and *POOF!* they had already disappeared . Haha, what do you mean you could you tell I was lying? It was the me baking part, wasn’t it? I’VE WAKED AND BAKED BEFORE. Perpetual Kid Product Site Thanks to Keith, who’s had ninja cookies before and claimed one tried to stab him in the throat. I believe it, they threw raisins at me once.

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Deadly Deliciousness: Ninjabread Cookies

This is ninja boy (think Star Wars boy yet somehow remarkably sadder) filming himself out in the wilderness (read: the local park) pulling off some Rad to the power of Unhealthy ninja moves . It’s seven minutes long and BY NO MEANS should you piss away an entire seven minutes of your life watching it all (I did). But he does spice up his maneuvers, so you will want to skip around. And, for as much fun as I want to make of the poor bastard, he could probably kick my ass if I didn’t have laser blasters for eyes. But I do. Suck it, ninjard! Ninja Nerd [liveleak] Thanks to MoD, who could out-ninja like thirty ninja cats.

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Ninja Boy Could Use A Few More Lessons