As a tragic complication after cancer surgery, legendary film critic Roger Ebert lost the ability to speak. He relies on handwritten notes and a computer that synthesizes what he types. For most people, this would result in a life dependent on a random text-to-speech computerized voice. We’ve all had fun picking the voices for our GPS systems, but imagine if this was all you had to represent yourself? Interestingly for Ebert, there is a Scottish company, CereProc , with a fascinating option. There are hours and hours of recordings of Ebert’s voice, from years of TV shows and numerous DVD commentaries. CereProc is combing through all those recordings to create a database of his voice for his daily vocabulary. According to CereProc, the average American uses about 2,000 words a day. Many words it can’t find already recorded can be pieced together from syllables of other words. CereProc has been able to create libraries for people who knew they were going to lose their voice and could pre-record their vocal database. In Ebert’s case, he’s fortunate that he has a wealth of recordings of his voice that can be mined. That is, if you can call anything about Ebert’s tragic situation fortunate. Via Esquire Magazine

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Roger Ebert’s very cool custom text-to-speech program

Do you require a bit of motivation to get out of bed in the morning? Well, there are few people more motivating than Darth Vader, right? With this Darth Vader alarm clock, a shadow Vader will appear when the alarm goes off, reminding you to get out of bed or the forces of the Dark Side will overtake you. It also features a snooze button, just in case you feel the power of The Force deep inside you. StarWars.com via Geek Alerts

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Darth Vader alarm clock wakes you up with the power of the Dark Side

Now you can add ultra-realism to your home basketball games or impromptu wrestling matches with this McGregor Multisport Tabletop Scoreboard. It even lets you count fouls, indicate who gets the next possession on a jump ball, and of course keeps score and times the game. Now all you have to do is add the remote control for another $48, and get an impartial ref who can call fouls and operate the scoreboard. You’d better be pretty serious about all this, because this baby sells for a cool $333. Opentip , via Red Ferret

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Tabletop scoreboard looks, works like the real thing

Headphone Amps are for people who are serious about listening to music with headphones. They give whatever device you’re using to listen to music the extra power it needs to pump high-grade audio to super high-end headphones. Audiophiles find them to be absolutely necessary. And now Audio Technica has gone and combined one with an iPod dock. Which on the one hand is good, as it combines two common gadgets, but on the other hand might not appeal to audiophiles who listen to lossless audio files. The iPod doesn’t support FLAC, after all. But hey, if you’ve got $560, this bad boy can be yours. Audio Technica via Engadget

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Audio Technica combines a headphone amp with an iPod dock

Get yourself a piece of history with that US Airways Airbus A320-214 that Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger ditched in the Hudson a year ago. The remains of Flight 1549 are up for auction at Chartis Aviation Salvage. Once you’ve reattached the wings and cleaned it up a bit, it looks like it’s in pretty good shape, albeit with “severe water damage throughout airframe,” and “impact damage to the underside of aircraft.” You’d have trouble flying this crate (especially since they’ve stripped out the avionics and removed the engines), but it sure would make a spectacular museum piece, another airplane hotel, clubhouse , or writer’s lair. We’re thinking US Airways should just give this to Sully, setting it up in his backyard as a trophy of his extreme pilotude. Or maybe a zoo would buy it, filling it with Canada geese for a unique aviary exhibit. Chartis , via CrunchGear

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‘Miracle on the Hudson’ jet for sale

Bill Gates , master and commander of anything blue with a screen of death, has joined the Twitterati. He opened his account yesterday with the words, “Hello world. Hard at work on my foundation letter - publishing on 1/25.” (Hello world is what most software engineers say once they’ve learnt a new lingo.) It didn’t take long for his fellow Twits to do the Internet equivalent of what a crowd does to a famous person — ie, waving frantically, shrieking, “Coo-ee, Bill. Over here! Marian! Marian from Milwaukee! You remember me, I bought Microsoft Office last month from an OfficeCrud salesperson in Tampa. Bill?” As a result, he now has 165,000-plus people following him, and just 40 people he wants to hear from. Including, rather inexplicably, Ashley Tisdale*. Twitter Via BBC News *I had to google her to discover just who she is. Fascinating.

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"Hello World." Bill Gates opens up his Twitter account

What, is this some kind of trick? The TC Electronics PolyTune is a footswitch that can help you tune up all your guitar strings at the same time. You simply strum all the strings on your guitar or bass, and PolyTune shows you which ones need attention. It’s the world’s first polyphonic tuner. Guitarists, you’ll also like PolyTune’s chromatic capabilities, able to handle all kinds of drop tunings and alternate tunings, and it’s accurate to 0.5 cents. This is all well and good, but we’d rather have that guitar with the Evertune Bridge that stays in tune automatically, forever. That spring-loaded Evertune mechanism isn’t available yet, but neither is PolyTune. NAMM, the big audio expo, starts today in Anaheim, so we’ll probably know more about price and availability soon. Meanwhile, here’s a video of PolyTune in action:

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PolyTune, the fastest guitar tuner in the world

Attention moms-to-be: Strap on this $130 Ritmo Advanced Sound System and you can play recordings of your favorite tunes, voice, or sound effects for that floating fetus. Just think, you can start early, giving that tyke a preview of your world, where silence is completely banned. Never mind if the little aspiring rugrat loathes any of your chosen noise — it’s supported by scientific evidence ! Reactive listening begins at 17 weeks, so choose classical music for the calming Mozart Effect, the classic rock of The Beatles, or the upbeat show tunes of Broadway. Any type of audio you can listen to on your iPod/MP3’s earphones can be enjoyed by your baby at the same time. Sarcasm aside, I must admit I played a guitar pressed up against on the rounded belly of the pregnant mother of my child, and now my kid has “Free Bird” memorized for all time. Too bad that whole Mozart Effect was thoroughly debunked , or my kid would be positively Einsteinian by now. But wait a second, helicopter parents. Stop putting so much pressure on your kids. They’ll develop in their own time, and with a lot less stress if you’ll quit projecting your ambitions onto them. Honestly — teaching in the womb? Can’t it wait? See a soothing video of this parental pleaser in action:

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Womb speakers start your kid on the road to Harvard

So what could pop singer and oddball clotheshorse Lady Gaga do that could possibly have anything to do with tech? Well, she made an appearance at CES 2010 today, showing off her $120 in-ear Heartbeats headphones , creating a mob scene in front of the Monster booth. She didn’t sing any songs, but sung the praises of her dainty ‘phones, certain to make her big-spending bosses at Monster happy. In defense of Dr. Dre’s “Beats” headphones from Monster, we’ve tried them and think their sound is among the best we’ve ever heard. What Lady Gaga and her signature insane clothing (including this spiky hat), has to do with headphones, well, celebrity will tie one up with all sort of strange bedfellows. Via Lady Gaga Heartbeats

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Lady Gaga hawks her earphones at CES 2010

One of the best parts of writing about technology is the vaporware that seems to ooze from every pore of the Internet. The truth, however, is that many of these artists’ impressions will only ever be just that — artists’ impressions . So concepts that are simple and eminently workable, such as this SWITCH screwdriver, have more of a chance of being manufactured. Designed by Jiangdang University students Liu Yunlong, Jia Peng, Cheng Peng, Wang Dongdong and Xin Yaoyao, the SWITCH has a shaft that can lock into place at 90 degrees to the handle, making it easier to tighten screws to their most secure. Okay, so it can’t do all the things that some tools do , but you’ve got to give it some kudos — after all, pricewise, the SWITCH will cost you about one hundredth of one of these . Via Yanko Design

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SWITCH screwdriver a simple, credible idea