Mario videos — everybody loves them, right? “I hate them.” YOU SHUT UP — I HATE YOUR FACE. The first (short) video is of the original Super Mario being played with Portal technology . The second (longer) video is a speed-run of Super Mario 3 with all the music played via “real-time jazz accompaniment”. The third video, which I thankfully caught and deleted prior to posting, was a sessy webcam video of me I didn’t realize I’d recorded. Trust me, leaving it up would brought the entire site down in an intense flash of pure, unbridled sensuality. Oooooooor me digging between couch looking cushions for a snack. Read: I found and ate a furry Gusher. “You nasty.” Still had its juice in it, just sayin’. Hit the jump for the videos.

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Mario Double Feature!: A Mario/Portal Mashup And Mario 3’s Music Played Acoustically

This is a short video of a guy who made a real-life Mario question block that, when punched from beneath, actually spits a coin out the top . Next stop: growing money on trees. A 555 timer controls a servo motor to push the coins out of the top while an MP3 player plays the appropriate sound effect. Luckily for us, Bruno painstakingly detailed the build process complete with photos, schematics, PCB designs, the sound effect, and graphics for the exterior. Oh man, I wish every time I punched something money came flying out. *punches laptop* Damn, nothing. *punches harder* Hello — WHAT HAVE WE HERE?! A screw. F***! Hit the jump for a very short video that could have used a tripod and a link to the Instructable in case you want to make your own (you don’t though is the thing).

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A Real Coin-Spitting Mario Question Block

An $18 plush Mario backpack : arguably the best deal I’ve posted on Geekologie in awhile (not including the time I offered up a kidney for a mouthful of a beer ). Take home this cute Super Mario Bros. Mario Plush Backpack today! The backpack features Mario in classic attire. Mario measures approximately 16-inches tall x 8-inches wide. You’ve spent a lot of time with Mario, learning typing, being kidnapped by ghosts, saving princesses, and of course, driving around in go-karts. Now he can ride around on your back! Pick up the Nintendo Super Mario Bros. Mario Plush Backpack and show everyone at PAX next year just how much you love Japan’s favorite plumber. If you prefer dinosaurs, you might want to see the Nintendo Super Mario Bros. Yoshi Plush Backpack, too! OMG I do prefer dinosaurs! Tell me — is the large compartment big enough to fit a sausage? Yes? Cool, now what about two sausages? “Whoa whoa whoa — the GW swings both ways?!” Both ways? I swing like I just did a bat spin! (read: all the ways) Hit the jump for a picture of the Yoshi model and a link to the product pages, both of which are currently out of stock

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Piggybacking Plumber: Mario Plush Backpack

Relax, they’re bad guys, bro . They work for Bowser . They’re not even worth burying. God, if I beat myself up every time I stomped an enemy I’d be in the ICU all the f***ing time. And not just because I like the pudding, but I did contact the food distributor and they won’t sell to individuals. Long story short: I want you to stab me with this ninja sword. But only deep enough so they keep me over the weekend. Oh shit, wait — help me install my catheter first. Huh? What’s it look like — it’s a McDonald’s straw. Now on the count of three I want you to jab it in my penis like a Capri Sun. Mario [maneggs] via Mario Cartoon [thedailywh.at] Thanks to Allo and Kake, who would have dug up that goomba and stolen his wallet. Damn — ya’ll cold!

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Awh — Don’t Be So Hard On Yourself, Mario

First he steals all the copper pipe out of my grandparents’ house, now he’s stealing extra dimensions ! WTF, MARIO?! You have an invincibility star addiction we don’t know about? Haha, what do you mean you’re depressed? It doesn’t have anything to do with me and the Princess’s peach, does it? Oh you didn’t know ab– I SAID I’M GAY FOR TOAD! cezkid’s DeviantART via Retro Mario in 3D flavor [likecool] Thanks to Guilmon_DT, who made a 3-D model of the Princess but wouldn’t share it with anybody because he wants her all to himself. That’s greedy!

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Dammit Mario, Stop Stealing D’s!: Mario In 3-D

Remember back in the day when I would post all kinds of custom painted shoes and you were all, “dammit, GW, enough with the stupid painted shoes !”, and I’d be like, “I can’t help it, I’ve been drinking!”. Well I’m back off the metaphorical wagon, baby! And, from the look of things, I’m in a ditch. Don’t roll me over — I might puke. These awesomely cool Nike Vintage Dunks are available in an amazing combination of red, blue and white and with the greatest video game character in history, Mario Available for a price of 89.99 (~$140) these superb looking vintage dunks are designed to bring out the video game lover in you holding true to your personality and at the same time making you feel proud of whom you are. The shoes are actually custom painted by HappyCash Fashion and are currently sold out. I assume because they only painted one pair. And speaking of painting pairs: one time I airbrushed a bushel red to look like apples. Oh man, the laughs I had at the farmer’s market! Product Site via Cool Nike Super Mario Bros Dunks [walyou]

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Custom Super Paper Mario Nike Dunks

This gold and diamond encrusted Mario pendant recently sold on eBay for the low, low price of $2,600. Yes I bought it! Which is exactly why I didn’t post it until after the deal was done. I can’t have you stealin’ my blang! What did I get for my hard-earned cashmoney?: Total Carat Weight: 4.25CT Metal Type: 10K Solid Yellow Gold Gemstone: Natural Diamond Stone Clarity: SI Stone Color: Black, blue, canary, & white Stone Cut: Round Setting: pave Weight: 31.60 Grams Width: 2 Inches Length: 3.25 Inches Note: Mario Design. Okay, I know I said I bought it earlier, but the thing is I lied. You see, I don’t have two arcade tokens to rub together, let alone a couple extra G’s. What do I look like, I’m rich? Haha, no, not all the handsome people are rich. eBay Auction (seller has other gamer jewelry as well) via Diamond coated Mario can be yours for $2600 [yahoopluggedin] Thanks to Jay, who considered buying it but decided to hold out for Toad.

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Gamer Bling: Gold & Diamond Mario Pendant

This is a little gallery by College Humor’s Jeff Rubin of Mario suits that Nintendo mistakenly left out of the games . Geez, way to drop the ball, Nintendo. Also, the soap. Haha — gimme that butt! Hit the jump for several more.

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Die, Bowser!: Mario Suits That Should Exist

Did you know Super Mario 3 was actually just a play ? I did, because I’m observant. Yeah, CSI wanted me to join their team but I turned them down because I don’t do dead bodies . Figuratively or literally. Sure I poked a run-over opossum with a stick once BUT ONLY CAUSE HE WAS GIVING ME THE STINK-EYE. Super Mario Bros 3 Never Happened [animenews] Thanks to GuamOtoko, who played a flying turtle and said all the hoisting up and down made him puke.

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Conspiracy!: Super Mario 3 Never Happened

Mario and Luigi , best known for plunging shitters and trying to save the Princess from the evil clutches of Bowser , have turned to a life of crime. Specifically, robbing cab drivers. What’s the Mushroom Kingdom coming to ?! At around 4 a.m. on November 1, presumably following a Halloween party, a Staten Island cab driver was assaulted and robbed by four men. It being Halloween, it may have been difficult for the victim to describe the assailants, but two of the men were wearing unmistakable costumes - Mario and Luigi. A surveillance video, which can be viewed on the NYDailyNews , shows two men dressed as Mario and Luigi wrestling a cabbie for his cash while a third man dressed in a tuxedo stood watch. Anybody with information about the true identities of the two has-been heroes should contact Princess Peach of the Mushroom Kingdom. Oh, and tell her the GW sent you. She doesn’t know who I am, and I want you to look stupid. Men Diguised as Mario and Luigi Rob Cab Driver [tomsguide] Thanks to Brian, Aron, wes, Cyke101 and sham, who only cosplay for good.

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Mario And Luigi Rob Cab Driver In New York