Want to watch an old-ass video of two speds with zero logic and even less knowledge of their source material trying to explain why the Ninja Turtles and other cartoons lead to the occult ? Well you’re in luck! Mr. Beard and Mr. Mullet are here to help explain how the Ninja Turtles are led by a rat named Splinter who uses white magic (”like in Star Wars”) to battle black magic . Actually sounds like a positive message, right? WRONG. Because the use of ANY sort of magic is offensive to their Christian beliefs. What the — the Ninja Turtles never used f***ing magic! They go on to denounce The Simpsons for a potentially gay character. What would Jesus do? NOT THIS. Also, for two guys who hate the Ninja Turtles so bad you sure bought the shit out of some merchandise. Damn, growing up I would have killed for a birthday party like that. “See?! That’s the occult talking!” God, I was kidding bro. But I did try cutting my little brother and performing a ritual. Hit the jump for four minutes of two dudes with secret anime fetishes.

Link:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Crime-Fighting Vigilantes, OR GATEWAY TO SATANISM?

A granny in England recently had a writing pen removed from her stomach after being there for over 25 years and doctors were amazed to find it still writes . You know, because that’s the first thing doctors do after pulling something out of somebody: see if it still works . *considers jamming lipstick up my ass for the lulz* Apparently the woman was using the pen to push down her tongue while checking out tonsils back in 1986. She stumbled while stretching to look in the mirror, and managed to swallow the pen in the process. The pen didn’t cause any discomfort, so eventually she simply forgot about it. Whoa whoa whoa — I don’t know about you, but if I swallowed a pen I wouldn’t be forgetting about it, I would be FREAKING THE F*** OUT. *dialing 911* Holy shit man, I reaaaally don’t wanna pass this thing — get me to a doctor, STAT! Pen removed from woman’s stomach still works after 25 years [dvice] Thanks to c-nasty, who once swallowed a chopstick and shit what looked like a shish-kabob. Okay you’re disgusting.

View original post here:
Quality: Woman Has Pen Removed From Stomach After 25 Years, Still Writes

Just check out this hot little number. Pretty schmexy right? WRONG! She needs to eat a damn cheeseburger is what she needs to do. Well, that, AND NOT BE A DUDE. Haha — and you were looking at him! That makes you at least half gay right now. Andrej Pejic, a man with no breasts at all, is the star of a lingerie ad campaign promoting push-up bras. Modeling for Dutch company Hema, Pejic wears the brand’s Mega Push-Up Bra (just 20 euros!) underneath two different v-neck dresses. Pejic’s agent, Joseph Tenni, told Frockwriter, “It’s revolutionary… I’ve never known a man to do a women’s lingerie campaign before. Sadly, I don’t need a push-up bra to give the illusion of breasts. Or anything really, because they’re not an illusion . Most of the time I wish they were, but whenever I look down, nope, there they are — right on the cusp between a B and a C. Andrej Pejic Models Push-Up Bras For Hema [huffingtonpost] Thanks to Princess Yum-Yum, who has large au naturel taytays that could make a Geekologie Writer weep. It’s true too, I’m crying — HARD.

See more here:
Schmexy!: Iffy Push-Up Bra Print Advertisement

Picture related…enough. A 50-year old Croatian man has been arrested after seeking medical help to remove a live 11-cm anti-aircraft shell from his butt after getting it stuck up there during a sex game. The deadliest sex game. You…have been hanging out with a bad crowd. After the doctors removed the 11cm long shell, it was handed over to a member of the police anti-explosives unit, the paper said. A Zagreb police spokesman confirmed the incident but would not give any details as the authorities are still investigating. If other illegal weapons are found in the man’s home, he could face criminal charges. Oh they’re gonna find some more illegal weapons alright. If you think for one second a guy who plays anti-aircraft butt bomber or whatever doesn’t sleep with the ring-pin of a live grenade around his wiener, you’re crazy as he is (but only half the sexual deviant). Croat man risks charges after explosive sex game [straitstimes] Thanks to Daniel and Samuel L., who wonder if he started with buckshot and musket balls and worked his way up or if he just went straight for the gusto.

View post:
Man Arrested After Getting Anti-Aircraft Shell Stuck In Keister During Sex Game

This is Justin Bibber’s (I feel like if I never acknowledge him by spelling his name right maybe he’ll go away) Batman Cadillac. It looks pretty cool. Well, at least until there’s a scrawny 17-year old behind the wheel . Then it looks completely f***ing ridiculous. Dubbed the Bat-illac [GW's note: I vote Beibmobile], the car is actually a Cadillac CTS-V customized by Ryan Friedlinghaus, the founder of West Coast Customs and star of the TLC reality series Street Customs…The Batman tribute features the comic book character’s logo on the front and back of the car, with doors that open in reverse similar to the Rolls Royce Drop Head Phantom Coup, and even has a “batmobile” nameplate on the trunk. Good choice, Justin. Because if there’s one thing I think when I think Batman IT’S A TWINKY 120-POUND R&B SINGER. Shit, even given your entire adult life you’ll never be half as manly as Robin and he’s 3/4’s lady. Hit the jump for a bunch more, the last of which includes the boy-wonder himself looking suspiciously like a miniature Tosh.0.

See the rest here:
Justin Beeber’s Custom Batman Cadillac

Apple Computers : grossly overpriced since at least 1996. This is Best Buy ad from 1996 (the year some of you were born but the year I lost my virginity . JK JK MOM — I’VE STILL GOT IT). Because it would take me forever to resize the pieces into something decent because of the resolution, you can see the weekly ad in its entirety HERE (not hosted on Geekologie). Some highlights: Warcraft II $20 A CELLULAR FLIP PHONE 4, 8 and 16MB Memory upgrades: $30, $60 and $130 2.5 GB Hard Drive: $300 3.1 GB Hard Drive $400 Damn, we’ve come pretty far in the past 15 years, haven’t we? “Well I certainly have, I don’t know about you , GW.” WHAT THE F*** IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! “You know, like your mental development.” Oh right, THAT. *trying unsuccessfully to flick booger off finger* A Best Buy Flyer From ‘96 [consumerist] Thanks to MIRV, Geek Squid (I see what you did there!) and Dan, who don’t shop at Best Buy because they’re convinced those sensors that go off if you try walking out the door with something you haven’t pay for give you ball cancer.

Read this article:
1996 Best Buy Ad: We’ve Come So, SO Far

Nerds vs Geeks poster: ” Nerds are into Star Trek , geeks are into Star Wars !” Anybody who sees it: “WTF?! Whoever made this doesn’t know shit about shit.” Geeks vs. Nerds: The Anatomy [bitrebels] Thanks to Shannon, who agrees not knowing anything about anything has never stopped somebody from pretending to be an expert on the subject anyway. I know, I’m living proof.

Read the original post:
Nerds Vs. Geeks, Some Kinda Iffy Infographic

Listen: I hate my ears as much as the next person with grotesquely oversized lobes, but do see me designing $20 iPhone cases that make it look like I’m rocking different ears ? No, you don’t. But mostly because you can’t actually see me at all, and you should be thankful for that because this face could break mirrors. AND hearts. Well, two anyways. Back me up, Quasimodo. “YERYERYERYER!” Sloth? “HEY YOU GUUUUUUUUUYS!” God I should just join a dating site. Hit the jump for several more shots of the OMG, I’m totally gonna make myself a SARS mask that looks like I’ve got a bone through my nose!

Read this article:
That…Is Creepy: iPhone Cases That Look Like Somebody Else’s Ear When Making A Call

A video-game addicted lawyer, so hooked he couldn’t even manage to call clients back, was recently suspended from lawyering for three years while he struggles to not be such a f***ing failure at life. Mathew Eshelman, 43, retreated into the world of video games to fight job stress and problems at home, a state disciplinary panel concluded. “When attempting to conduct his own law practice, he sought refuge from his problems by playing video and computer games with an even greater intensity. He described himself as `addicted’ to the games,” lawyer Howell K. Rosenberg wrote in the 89-page report. The Pennsylvania Supreme Court Disciplinary Board’s report detailed 17 cases that Eshelman mishandled. They mostly involved bankruptcy, divorce and debt collection cases. He missed deadlines, lost track of client funds and once knowingly lied in a divorce filing , all while ignoring calls from increasingly angry clients. WOW. That is like, the LAST guy I would ever want handling my case. And that’s saying a lot because one time I tried defending myself. Baliff : GW — do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God? GW : Seriously, HELP ME GOD. Prosecution : Yeaaaaaaah, let’s go ahead and throw the book at this guy. GW : *ducks* Pa. lawyer suspended, blames video-game addiction [philly] and Game-Addicted Lawyer of the Day [geeks.thedailwh.at] Thanks to Sally (from the valley?!), who’s convinced her last lawyer was addicted to Twilight and tried to blame her case on vampires. Oh that’s bad.

Continued here:
Video Game Addicted Lawyer Suspended Three Years For Mishandling/Botching Cases

Makers-of-everything-sucky Brando, realizing that a computer mouse without a 1.5″ digital picture of your cubicle mate’s penis (thanks for that, Tony, really ) is practically useless, have started manufacturing and selling ‘USB Optical Mice with Digital Photo Frames’ for $32. It’s a mouse with a digital photo screen. It’s useless. “NOT TRUE!” Hoho, look who it is — that creepy f*** from Pan’s Labyrinth ! Product Site (go on, your mom will love it!) via Brando Mouse with Digital Photo Frame: for Pictures of Your Palm’s Loved Ones [technabob] Thanks to Eric, who just tapes a different analog photo to his mouse every day.

The rest is here:
What Took You So Long?: Finally, A Computer Mouse With Integrated Digital Picture Frame