Seen here giving the camera their best serious but cool, MIT researchers Andreas Velten and Ramesh Raskar pose in front of a Coke bottle filled with highlighter fluid or something. I don’t know, physics and I don’t always get along. That’s how I’m able to levitate . Just kidding, it’s magnets and wires. Anyway, these two studs have developed a means of capturing shots at 1/1,000,000,000,000th of a second, enabling photography of the movement of light itself. SU-SU-SU-SCIENCE!: Basically, nanosecond laser pulses are shone on an object. In front of the camera is a narrow slit, so that only a thin slice of the laser light can be seen at one time — the technical name for this device is a “streak camera.” The laser pulses, with very complex timing circuitry, are then picked up by an array of 500 sensors in the camera — but only one “scan line” at a time (thanks to the narrow slit). Using mirrors, the camera’s angle of view is changed over time until each of these one-dimensional slices can be built up into a complete 2D image. This process, which takes about an hour, has led to one of its creators — Ramesh Raskar — to dub this trillion-FPS wonder “the world’s slowest fastest camera.” There’s a video of the two creators explaining the technology after the jump that I was *this close* to being able to wrap my head around. Get it? Because my head is long like a jump rope. One time I even tripped a purse-snatcher, then used my head to tie him to a light pole until the cops arrived. True story 100% lies. Hit the jump and get your laser light photography show on.

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MIT Develops A ‘Trillion Frames Per Second’ Camera

A new anti-riot laser rifle capable of producing a 3-meter (~10-ft) wall of temporarily-blinding light is set to be tested by British police forces in the coming months. If successful, rioting will become a thing of the past. Just kidding, but anarchy will require specialized eyewear. Designed by a former Royal Marine Commando, it was originally developed for use against pirates in Somalia. “The system would give police an intimidating visual deterrent. If you can’t look at something you can’t attack it.” Being targeted by the beam has been compared to staring into the sun before being forced to turn away. Although the blinding effect is only temporary part of the trial will see scientists carry out further research on any potential side-effects. Yeaaaaaaaah, that sounds like the kind of temporary blindness that could lead to permanent blindness. Thanks but no thanks, riot laser. If I go blind it’s gonna be from masturbating like nature intended. Police test for riot laser that can temporarily blind [bbcnews] Thanks to Peter, who agrees the best way to prevent riots is to not have any professional sports teams.

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New Anti-Riot Laser Rifle Produces ‘10-Ft Wall Of Light’, Temporary Blindness

This is a video of a new 3-D laser display that can “print” 3-D images IN MIDAIR. How? Magic. I know I say that a lot, but I’m actually 99% certain this time. The system has a framerate of just 10-15 FPS right now, although the company is working on bumping that up to 24-30. It’s smoother in real life than it looks in this video, though. According to DigInfo News, the video was shot at 30 FPS, which makes the 15 FPS projection look like it’s flickering. Yeaaaaaaah, why on earth would a cameraman covering A TECHNOLOGY CONVENTION shoot a 15FPS laser lightshow at 30FPS? Jesus — where’d you find this guy, Craigslist? Hit the jump for the future of…something. P0rn? Video games? Probably one of those two.

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Tell Me That’s Not A Death Star: 3-D Laser Display

Here’s a great little video explaining laser-sintering, the process by which some 3D printers do their magic — melting fine powders, bit by bit, into 3D shapes. How Laser Sintering Works

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Laser sintering explained

Smooth move Cyclops, now the building’s on fire. Because what good is science if we can’t all shoot lasers out of our eyeballs and take staring contests to a whole new level , researchers have successfully spliced jellyfish DNA into human cells, allowing them to produce biological lasers. It’s gonna be like a giant game of Asteroids happening inside you! All it takes to make a laser is something that lights up, plus a structure that can amplify and focus that light into a coherent beam. In the case of these biolasers, human kidney cells have been genetically enhanced to produce the proteins that make jellyfish glow. These glowing cells were stuck between two tiny mirrors barely bigger than the cell itself, and when the cell was energized with blue light through a microscope, it fired out a bright green directional laser beam that was visible to the naked eye, just like a little laser pointer. BOOSH, laser pointer eyes. I have no concept what purpose they’d serve besides looking cool, but isn’t that the most important purpose anyway? It is. *trying to find straw my with tongue without looking* Scientists combine humans with jellyfish to create living lasers [dvice] Thanks to Eli, who’s worried Cyclops might not feel so special anymore.

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Humans + Jellyfish DNA = Laser Vision?

Not gonna lie, probably wouldn’t wave my hand in front of it for less than $20. Seen here looking at least partially constructed out of tin-foil, the Navy has made a breakthrough in the laser department , creating a free-electron laser (FEL) capable of producing a sustained 500 kilovolt beam OF TOTAL DESTRUCTION (the previous record was 320kV, and four years ago was an embarrassing 10kV). Which, while impressive, is nowhere near as badass as the 1,100kV laser I’m working on. “Uh, did you invent that just so you could say, ‘TURN IT UP TO ELEVEN…HUNDRED’?” Yes, yes I turn it up to 1,100% did. The new technology will allow the Navy to utilize the powerful “death ray” to burn up incoming missiles or punch holes in an enemy vessel’s hull. “Five hundred [kilovolts] has been the project goal for a long time,” says George Neil, the FEL associate director at Jefferson Labs. “The injector area is one of the critical areas.” The free-electron laser is one the U.S. Navy’s highest-priority weapons programs. The future of weaponry rests in “fighting at the speed of light and hypersonics,” says Rear Adm. Nevin Carr, the Navy’s chief of research. “We’re fast approaching the limits of our ability to hit maneuvering pieces of metal in the sky with other maneuvering pieces of metal.” So, give it to me straight: is a superlaser capable of burning through 20-feet of steel a second covered under my second amendment right to bear arms? Kidding — why would I want bear arms?! They’d probably be covered in honey and bee stings! Hit the jump for a 6:45 dozer of a video about the technology.

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Serious PEWS: New Navy Superlaser Can Burn Through 20 Feet Of Steel Per Second

Scientists at Yale University have developed a device capable of absorbing all the energy of an incoming laser , effectively saving your ass from an otherwise deadly robot laser blast. *ordering pew-proof pajamas* Give me a break, they’re all I wear! Kidding, kidding — just glasses and a scowl. Their device focuses two lasers beams of a specific frequency into a specially designed optical cavity made from silicon, which traps the incoming beams of light and forces them to bounce around until all their energy is dissipated. But this is not intended as a defence against high-power laser weapons, the researchers said. Instead they think it could be used in next-generation supercomputers which will be built with components that use light rather than electrons. Whoa whoa whoa — computers that use light instead of electrons?! We won’t even be able to call them electronics anymore! We’ll have to call them, uh…laseronics or something. Or, if that light happens to be coming out of the male-end of a CPU port: laser-dildonicz . What? OH DON’T ACT LIKE YOU KNOW HOW COMPUTERS WORK. Scientists build the world’s first anti-laser [bbcnews] Thanks to MannaFromKevin, David, mike and Keenra, who agree the only anti-lasers they need ARE THEIR FISTS. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

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PEW-Proof?: Scientists Develop ‘Anti-Laser’ Capable Of Canceling Out Laser Blasts

This is a video of a guy popping a single kernel of popcorn using two of Wicked Lasers’ 1W “Lightsaber” lasers . Yeah, and it only takes 60-seconds . WTF MAN?! The movie’ll be over before your popcorn’s ready! *lathering nips with butter sauce* Hit the jump for a popcorn popping process only suitable for watching the Star Wars prequels.

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PEW PEW!: Popping Popcorn With Lasers

Unfortunately the couch feels a lot like the floor and I spilled six beers in a row trying to set them on the coffee table . Did I mention the television only gets The Blinding Channel? It’s my favorite. the london-based art and design practice united visual artist recently presented a series of light installation titled ’speed of light’. the project was commissioned by virgin media to commemorate the tenth anniversary of broadband in the UK. the project was installed in the victorian bargehouse on london’s south bank and made use of 148 lasers spread across six rooms. UVA used the beam of light that travels along optical fibers as the starting point for the piece. among the pieces created, UVA crafted a small sitting area that features a sofa, table and television screen made completely from laser beams. Lasers: I love them. In the future scientists will discover how to trap plasma between bands of lasers and pew pew couches will finally become reality. And on that day, oh boy, on that day . I’ll have been dead for at least 200 years. Hit the jump for a couple more shots of the exhibit.

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The Future: Furniture Made Out Of Lasers

I’ve been trying to avoid posting t-shirts lately because a lot of you think t-shirt articles are lame, but then I realized I’m a man who has to follow his heart ask his mom for a ride to the mall later, and I should do whatever I want. Plus this is a f***ing dino with lasers and a battle axe . It’s very Dino-Riders. And if you’re not into that I’m not even sure you should be here in the first place. Doctors should probably smush you back up into your mom’s vagina UNTIL YOU GROW A BRAIN. Also, an extra inch or two down there certainly wouldn’t kill your girlfriend either. Plus you’d stop soaking your pubes every time you pee (you cry because it’s true). Anyway, $9 plus $2 shipping ($5 international) takes the shirt home BUT ONLY UNTIL MIDNIGHT EASTERN. After that it’s gone, but you still have two hours to convince a skank at the bar to come home with you. Tee Fury (different shirt tomorrow) Thanks to Comfort Eagle, Holy Crap! Lions!, Phloyd, Spartacus, Blaqk Panda, Vasssskk, Leeman, Xager, Quintin, JDARKHUNTER, R Fletcher, Whit, Quax, Lea C, supertt, Mr T, Patrick, Nikki, JAMES, The Awesome Sauce Wyatt and Andy, who were all sewn out of 100% polyester badassery and silkscreened with dildos on their chests awesomeness.

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Today Only: Battle-Dino Shirt At Tee Fury