This is a homemade pulse laser gun built by Patrick Priebe. The thing packs a 1-kW burst that can burn through plastic, foam and thin metals. Plus explode eyeballs . Just kidding, I don’t actually know that for a fact, I’m just assuming. Although I do encourage Patrick to make a trip to his local butcher to find out. And I’m not just saying that because I want him to pick up some pork chops for dinner tonight, because I don’t. I told you, I’m vegetarian. Or am I? Yes, I am. The bacon is a lie . Awh shit — Portal 2 spoiler! Hit the jump for a worthwhile video of the pews in action.

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Don’t You Point That Thing At Me!: DIY Pulse Laser Can Burn Through Plastic, Metal

John Matthews is a man. A man who used to have a little worm eating its way around his eyeball before a doctor PEW PEW PEWed that little SOB with a laser . Lasers: what CAN’T they do? That was a trick question, lasers can do everything. John Matthews loves to hunt turkeys and travel to foreign places like Mexico. During one of those adventures, something crawled inside his body. When two dark spots appeared in his vision and his eyesight became a little hazy, he headed to the doctor. Soon after making the diagnosis, Dr. Folk armed himself with a laser and put the worm in the cross-hairs. John was awake the whole time and said he was thinking, “Hurry up and kill the thing. Good luck shootin’, doc…I saw something wiggling and I asked if the worm was wiggling. The doc said, ‘Yes.’ I said, ‘I can see it.’” Dr. Folk said, “When you hit it with the laser, it got very upset. As upset as a worm can get, I suppose…The thing was just thrashing around violently. It would be like one of those titan movies or something.” The worm is dead. It will decompose over time. Now, John must do computer exercises to strengthen his eye. His vision has improved, but may never return to normal. My God that’s disgusting. As a matter of fact, I’m *this* close to popping both my eyes out with the spoon I just used for yogurt so I don’t ever have to experience that. Seriously, what could possibly be worse than a worm eating your eyeball? Having square eyeballs? F*** that sounds painful. Worm eats Cedar Rapids man’s retina [thegazette] Thanks to FDSY, who’s from Cedar Rapids and is convinced at least half the populace has worms in their brains. I’ve never been there but I believe it.

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Don’t Read Before Lunch: Man Finds Worm In Eyeball, Doctor Blasts It To Death With Laser

The world’s strongest laser was unveiled in California last week. It’s not actually a single laser though, it’s 192 individual ones all focused on the same spot. Cheating! It’s going to be used to ensure the US nuclear weapon stockpile is still functional in case Russia starts bitching out. Also, some space shit. The super laser, officially known as the National Ignition Facility, was unveiled Friday before thousands of people at the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory. Beginning next year scientists will use the laser for experiments aimed at creating controlled fusion reactions similar to those found in the sun. “More energy will be produced by this ignition process than the amount of laser energy required to start it. This is the long-sought goal of energy gain that has been the goal of fusion researchers for more than half a century,” said NIF director Edward Moses. ‘National Ignition Facility’? That’s the worst name ever. Why wasn’t there a contest to get to name the thing? Because it’ll always be the PEWINATOR to me. Which, haha, is the same thing I named my junk penis. But seriously, don’t stare directly at it. World’s strongest laser unveiled at Calif. lab [sfgate] Thanks to Watch-303, catch22, Luis, Doug, Hunter and Phil, who did stare directly at it and paid the price. $10.

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PEW PEW!: World’s Strongest Laser Unveiled

Geekologie Reader Ike, the same one who successfully played poker on a roller coaster, went and made himself a lightsaber . Although, truthfully, it was modeled after Travis Touchdown’s beam katana from No More Heroes . Ike made me promise not to tell you how he made it, but suffice it to say there were lasers and smoke and selling your soul to a sorcerer involved. Here’s a real fun tidbit- with enough money (I think about $600) I could make this sucker burn. That’s right! Fully functional lightsaber! It also extends and spins. Woot. Nice, Ike, I want one. Except mine MUST be of the burning variety. How else am I gonna start a fire while camping — rubbing two sticks together? Pfft, what do I look like, a cub-scout? I AM ALL MAN-SCOUT! Don’t believe me? I’ve humped bears before . Haha, admit it, Yogi. Hit the jump for a couple videos of the saber/katana in action, including one with some Travis Touchdown cosplay.

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Geekologie Reader Makes Himself Lightsaber

Meat Cards are business cards with your info burnt into them using a 150 watt CO2 laser. They are far superior to card stock for obvious reasons (read: meat and lasers). Screw die-cutting. Forget about foil, popups, or UV spot lamination. THESE business cards have two ingredients: MEAT AND LASERS . Unlike other business cards, MEAT CARDS will retain value after the econopocalypse. Hoard and barter your calorie-rich, life-sustaining cards. Mmmm, meat and lasers: definitely two of the finest ingredients on earth. PEW PEW, NOM NOM! Now, blast me in the eye with your laser pointer right as I swallow. What? Don’t judge me. Meatcards Thanks to Chloe and Julian for eating all my cards. No, really, thanks a lot guys.

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Best Business Cards Ever: Meat Cards